


Visions and Truths

by Chaosattractor



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Aggression, Angst, Blood, Friendship, Instinctive Drives, M/M, POV Second Person, Pheromones, Power Dynamics, Quadrant Confusion, Romance, Sexual Aggression, Sopor Slime, This story is not an AU, Troll Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2014-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-28 06:37:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 45,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaosattractor/pseuds/Chaosattractor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat has been trying to wish his best friend happy sixth wriggling day for three days, but Sollux isn't answering any of his messages. On the fourth day, Sollux shows up unexpectedly at Karkat's hive claiming that everything has changed. Can Karkat figure out what his friend is going through before things get completely out of control?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is not an AU; it's meant to dovetail with the Homestuck canon. This is my first time using AO3 tags, so if you think something is not tagged the way it should be, please let me know. I hope you enjoy the story!
> 
> p.s.: I am ridiculously excited to see this in its proper colors.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: KK.  
TA: hey KK where are you, ii need two talk two you.  
TA: iim 2eriiou2, hurry up and get your a22 back here.  
TA: KK.  
TA: urgh KK what are you doiing, thii2 ii2 2o annoying.  
TA: what could po22iibly be occupyiing your tiime riight now that ii2 more iimportant than thii2, ii know iit2 bound two be 2omethiing totally u2ele22.  
TA: liike you are probably iin your cocoon pawiing furiiou2ly at your2elf after a niice long 2e22iion of 2tariing 2tupiidly at your computer and proviing yet agaiin that you are the wor2t excu2e for a hacker that the world ha2 ever 2een.  
TA: quiit iignoriing me KK, that ii2 a 2tupiid a22hole thiing two do.  
TA: you are the wor2t friiend two have and you are ba2iically a terriible per2on iin every way FUCK.  
TA: FUCK FUCK FUCK.  
TA: okay iim comiing over.

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

  


You stare at your computer screen in dumbfounded disbelief. You have been trying to reach Sollux for three days. You cannot believe he picked the sole hour that you were well and fully occupied with your lusus to troll you in return and then freak the fuck out because he didn't get an instant response. What a needy, oversensitive asshole.

In other words, typical Sollux. What really has you surprised is that last line. Could he actually be serious about coming over? And if so, why? You have only seen Sollux in person a handful of times, and it has never come as a surprise like this.

Of course, given your choice, you would have seen a lot more of him over the sweeps. But it isn't your choice. Only Sollux can make the journey, so you're pretty much at the mercy of his whim on that one. And Sollux is usually too busy having a migraine or a meltdown for a long trip.

Or so it seems, anyway. But you have a wriggling suspicion you can never quite shake that he makes it out to see Aradia a lot more often.

You put this thought firmly out of your mind and sit down at your computer station to reply.

  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY ASSHOLE, HERE'S A NEWS FLASH FOR YOU.  
CG: THE WHOLE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU.  
CG: AND NEITHER DOES MY LIFE.  
CG: I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK I DO, SIT AT MY COMPUTER ALL DAY JUST WAITING FOR ONE OF MY PSYCHOTIC FRIENDS TO BUG ME.  
CG: LIKE, OH MAN, LET ME JUST SIT HERE STARING AT MY BLANK SCREEN AND HOPING TO HEAR FROM THE BIPOLAR GUY.  
CG: NO.  
CG: FUCK YOU.  
CG: I'M A BUSY GUY, I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT GOING ON THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.  
CG: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I WAS DEALING WITH MY LUSUS.  
CG: YOU SELF-ABSORBED JACKASS.  
CG: ALSO, QUIT BEING SUCH A NEEDY DOUCHE, IT'S UNBEARABLE.  
CG: BY THE WAY, ARE YOU ACTUALLY COMING OVER?

  


You stare moodily at your blank screen and hope to hear from the bipolar guy. You wonder if he could have left already. How long will it take him to arrive here? He lives almost a quarter turn around Alternia; it's a long trip, even for him.

You also wonder which Sollux you're going to get this time. You can never tell with that guy.

A soft clicking sound rouses you from your reverie. You turn toward your window.

And promptly leap out of your chair in surprise. He's hovering outside of it, tapping on the glass with one claw.


	2. Chapter 2

“What the fuck!” You look from him to the timestamp on his last message and back again. Your jaw drops. “How is that even possible?” 

His tapping gets a little bit more insistent, and you cross your block to kneel and glare at him through the glass. “What the everloving fuck do you think you're doing out there?” You narrow your eyes. “Can you even hear me right now?” 

He just says, “Hi KK, let me in.” His voice is muffled by the glass, but still audible. 

“How long have you been out there? That's a creepy piece of shit thing to do, to hang out at someone's window and watch them!” 

“Right, because watching you be a useless tool is the best thing to do, that’s exactly why I came. Let me in, or I'll let myself in.” 

You roll your eyes. “I have doors, you know,” you retort. “Why don't you pretend like you're not a complete freak and go to one of them.” 

“Fine.” He shoots upwards and vanishes. A second later, you hear him land on your extraterraneal landing slat. You cross the room and yank the door open before he has an excuse to do something dramatic. 

He strolls into your respiteblock and strikes a pose, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed. He grins at you. “Hi KK, I know you missed me.” 

Oh. So it's _that_ Sollux. The one you have privately dubbed Blue Sollux. The one that's difficult to deal with. 

“I know you tell yourself that so that you feel a tiny little bit less worthless,” you reply. You hope he can't tell how unsettled you are. You are never prepared for Sollux's appearance in person. 

It's hard to put your prong on exactly why that is. It's not like he's big; he stands a little bit shorter than you, and his build is what you would describe as “slight.” He's not loud, either; he's soft-spoken, and he has that lisp on top of it. The dual-colored eyes are unnerving to be sure, but right now they’re completely hidden behind his red and blue shades. His face is…well, admittedly kind of attractive, but in a weird way that almost borders on pretty. You think that by all rights, the sum of his parts should equal one of the most unassuming trolls you have ever laid eyes on. 

But what he lacks in physical stature, he more than makes up for in sheer brooding intensity. The reality is that he intimidates the living fuck out of you, and you have no idea why. 

Not that you would ever admit this to another living soul. Least of all him. 

Sollux runs his fingers through his hair to settle it back in place. “It's good to see you too, asshole.” 

You glare at him suspiciously. “How the hell did you get here this fast?” you demand. 

He raises his eyebrows. “Was that fast? For me that's a normal speed to go.” 

“Yeah right,” you sneer in return. “Normal speed for you is lying in bed and not moving at all, moping about how terrible your life is. That's normal speed for you. Not a speed that actually involves moving or doing anything worthwhile.” 

That comment at least wipes the insufferably smug grin off of his face. He drops the pose and stalks across your room. “Well at least I don't spend all my time pretending to be an ace hacker but actually sucking at it, like a certain dumbass I could name.” He hops up onto your computer station and makes himself comfortable, swinging his legs back and forth. “Really KK, who do you think you're fooling, we all know you couldn't hack your way out of a wet paper grubsack.” 

Now it’s your turn to be nettled. “Oh, okay, I guess this is the part where I should be totally impressed by your amazing programming abilities.” You hold one hand mockingly over your blood pusher and pretend to swoon. “Oh, look at the freak with the mutant brain and his incredible hacker skills, they are almost as impressive as his super psionic powers! I am so amazed by him that any second now, I may give in to an almost overwhelming urge to start fondling myself inappropriately and throw myself at his feet.” You flop into your desk chair and lean back on two legs to look at your friend. “Too bad none of his other talents are anywhere near as impressive as his ability to be a self-centered, whiny nooksucker who likes to wallow in his own filth and has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.” 

You expect some fireworks in response to that, but Sollux just shakes his head and chuckles. “Eheheheh. You five-sweep-olds are so immature, it's sad how immature you are.” 

“What!” you exclaim indignantly, completely taken aback. The front legs of your chair crash to the floor as you sit up straight. “You just turned six _three days_ ago, you smug sack of shit!” 

A slight smile touches his lips. “Three days is a long time to pass when you can see the things I can see,” he says softly. 

“Oh no.” You hold up your hands and shake your head emphatically. “We are not doing this. I don’t want to hear about your weird mutant brain and the fucked up crap that comes out of it. Just, no. I have heard more than enough of that from you to last a lifetime. So you know what? You can take that melodramatic bullshit and evacuate it straight through your protein chute. That’s what you can do with that.” 

Sollux’s face scrunches up in an acutely pained expression. He presses his fingers against his forehead, eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Oh KK, this is so stupid,” he says through gritted teeth. “Can we please not be doing this anymore?” He shakes his head as if to clear it and opens his eyes. “Why do we always do this?” 

“Maybe because you always act like a total drama queen,” you retort angrily. Then you relent slightly and sigh. “But fine, I see your point. Might as well pull the grubtube on this one before it degenerates into a complete embarrassment.” You cock your head up at him curiously. “What were you doing for the past few days, anyway? And don’t tell me it was a three-day pity party wank fest, because that would be intolerable.” 

He snarls. The same teeth that give him that soft lisp also give him a really impressive snarl. “None of your fucking business!” he snaps. 


	3. Chapter 3

You jerk back and hold your hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Wow, okay, fuck. Way to be completely and unnecessarily touchy over a question that was totally reasonable.” You snort and shake your head. “Well, happy wriggling day anyway, just in case you didn’t catch that from the three days’ worth of messages I left you that you never responded to in any way whatsoever. Asshole.”

Sollux turns away and suddenly gets very interested in the contents of your bookshelf. “I saw your messages, KK. I was just…occupied.” 

“Oh okay, well that explains everything. Thanks for that. I’m glad we could have this talk, you ungrateful, self-centered pile of week-old, festering grubloaf.” 

Once again, the explosion you expect doesn’t come. Sollux just watches you for several seconds with those weirdly intense, mismatched eyes. Then he shakes his head and jumps down from your desk. “You’ll understand when you turn six.” He starts pacing restlessly around your block, touching your things in passing as he goes. 

“Oh, sure. That sounds totally reasonable!” You get up and start trailing him. “Karkat can’t understand anything because he’s only _five,_ he doesn’t know shit. Meanwhile I, Sollux, am wise beyond words because of being an entire four bilunar perigees older. Put that down!” You slap his hand, and he drops the grub he just picked up back onto your shelf. Some of your more egregiously awful virus programming attempts are stored on there, and you don’t want him anywhere near them. 

He shrugs and moves on. “Something like that,” he says. “You actually aren’t too far off. For once.” 

“Right. And I suppose on my wriggling day I’ll experience some major heaving enlightenment, and suddenly I’ll see the world in a whole new way.” 

“Yes.” He stops and turns, and you have to dance aside to avoid running into him head-on. “That is literally true, eheheheh you have no idea how much things will change when you turn six. Your wriggling day is going to be very important.” You can only gape at the nonsense shitstream that is cascading from his mouth as he continues. “It will not be the same for you as it was for me, though. When you turn six, things will change for all of us. All of Alternia, actually. All trolls.” 

“Okay, time out. Time out on the melodramatic bullshit.” You hold your hands up in a cut-off gesture. “That stopped making sense a long time ago. Right around when it started, actually. Let’s stop talking about this and start talking about something that sane people talk about instead.” 

He snorts sourly and puts his hands on his hips as he watches you. “You know, KK, it’s amazing how much you basically never listen to a fucking thing anyone says to you, ever.” 

“It’s amazing how much everyone I know says useless garbage to me all the time!” you retort hotly. “Kind of like you were doing to me just a second ago. Boy am I glad that’s over with.” 

Twin tongues of red and blue lightning crackle out of Sollux’s eyes and up his horns, then vanish. He claps his hands to either side of his head and snarls silently. A few seconds pass before he relaxes and his eyes flutter open. 

“What the fuck was that?” you demand, edging slowly away from him. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“Eheheh.” He manages the ghost of a pained smile while he massages one temple with his fingers. “Are you sure you want to ask me that, you run the risk of opening the deluge barricades on my melodramatic bullshit garbage for crazy people.” 

“No that’s the last thing I want. Forget I asked.” 

You wait, but he doesn’t retort. He just watches you impassively. 

You shift uneasily from hoof to hoof. He should be losing his shit right now, but all he’s doing is standing there and looking sort of pained and tired. He isn’t holding up his usual end of the conversational bargain, and it is kind of starting to unnerve you. 

“Okay, look.” You stomp across the room to lean back against the wall next to him, crossing your arms over your chest and glaring. “Why are you here? Is there a reason for it? Or did you just show up to be a moody fuck and throw fits in my hive?” 

“No.” Sollux shakes his head and steps away from the wall. “That isn’t what I came here to do at all.” 

“Then what?” you demand impatiently. 

Sollux faces you and smiles slightly. “I came here to do this.” He rests one hand on the wall on either side of you and leans in.


	4. Chapter 4

You realize what he is doing an instant before his lips meet yours. You jerk backwards, cracking your head on the wall in the process, and shove his face frantically away with one hand on his jaw. “What the fuck is this!” you exclaim, surprise making it come out as almost a yelp. “What the fuck are you trying to do?” 

He twists out of your grip easily and regards you with an amused grin. "I'm trying to kiss you, what the hell does it look like I'm trying to do?" 

You splutter indignantly, momentarily too scandalized to even make a sentence. Finally you manage to choke out, "What? Shit, Sollux, why?" 

"Why do you think, fuckpod?" he retorts. "I mean, really, that is such a stupid question to ask." 

You don't think it's stupid. You think it is, in fact, the single least stupid question you could be asking right now. Sollux is your best friend, and this kissing nonsense has come straight out of nowhere. 

Well, okay, maybe "out of nowhere" is too strong a phrase to use. It isn't as if you've never considered the idea. You guys are pretty close, after all. He only makes you want to punch things about half of the time, which is about half of the time less than any of the rest of your friends. You and he are natural candidates to develop flushed feelings for one another now that you're getting older. It's a romcom plot standard that you've seen so many times, you've lost track; in fact, you and Sollux even watched a few along those lines together during his last visit. For all he complained that it was a stupid waste of time, you just _know_ that he was sitting there contemplating the exact same possibilities you were. 

But it's never gone beyond mere speculation. You have always been ambivalent about Sollux. Ambivalent about his ambivalence, really. He only seems interested about half the time. 

Surprise. 

The other half of the time he spends gallivanting off with Aradia on whatever spooky, mopey, depressing shit they like to do together. You really have no idea how they spend their time. He's annoyingly private about it, and that really sticks in your nook. Another thing you will never admit out loud. 

You try to collect your scattered thoughts and deal with the Sollux that's in front of you right now. "That was just really sudden. Don't you think we should, I don’t know, talk about this first or something?” 

He rolls his eyes. "Okay sure. Let's talk about it, since you love talking about things so much that you basically never shut your windhole about anything for two seconds, ever. In fact, let's shout about it at the top of our lungs, that's how you like to do things, right?" 

"Oh, you're one to talk!" you retort defensively. "You whine about things more than all the rest of our friends combined! And anyway, it's a big step!" 

"Fine,” he sighs. He straightens and backs off a few steps, which at least gives you a little breathing room. He regards you with his head cocked to the side. "Let's get this over with, what has got your intimate garments into a twist?” 

“Fuck you!” you retort. “Look, I just want to know, why now? I mean, there was sort of no build-up to this. There’s supposed to be like…a date beforehand. And flirting. And stuff. Oh God.” You break off in utter and complete embarrassment, looking anywhere but at him. “I can’t believe you just made me say that out loud!” 

“Eheheheh. Are you trying to pretend for some reason like you have never flirted with me?” Your eyes snap to him. He is covering his mouth with one hand and his shoulders are shaking. You realize he is laughing at you. He holds up an admonishing prong. “You can’t trick me about that, I was there too, remember? Every time.” He gives you a lopsided grin. “Pretty much by definition, actually.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” you shout in response. Then you cringe inwardly. That didn’t sound convincing even to you. 

“Sure you don’t.” Then he sobers. “Well, I know it’s not quite like things you have seen in your stupid romance movies for girls. But now is the only possible time for us, KK.” 

You treat that non-answer as the meaningless bullshit it is and ignore it. “What about you and Aradia?" 

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you regret them. You cannot believe you just let that steaming grubturd drop from your lips. You just poked your claw right into one of his touchiest subjects, and now it's out there like the rampaging cholerbear in the block that it is. You can't take it back. 

You have virtually guaranteed an appearance from the _other_ Sollux. Red Sollux. The one that’s a nightmare to deal with. 

You brace yourself for the shitstorm, but it doesn't come. To your complete surprise, Sollux just shrugs indifferently. "What about us?" 

You lick your lips nervously. “Aren’t you two…I mean…”

He snorts in amusement and disgust. "It doesn't matter," he says flatly. "Eheheheh KK, I can't even tell you how unimportant that is and how much basically nothing matters anymore." 

"What the shitting shit is that supposed to mean?" you demand, eyeing him warily. "That doesn't mean anything, is what that means! That's just overdramatic garbage like you’re always saying!" 

"Eheheheh, KK, I can't figure out why you're being such a retarded wiggler about this when I know for a fact you’ve thought about kissing me.” 

You freeze, your eyes wide. "You _what?"_ You hurriedly wrap your hands around your head, as if this might actually serve as some sort of barrier against him. "How do you know that? You said you couldn't read my thoughts! All this time you were just snooping through everything like a complete douche? You are such a lying sack of shit, that is unbelievably low even by your standards!” 

He rolls his eyes at you. "I _can't_ read your thoughts, fuckwad, I've told you that like a billion times. I know it for a fact because you just confirmed it just now. That is pretty much the oldest trick in the reverse psychology book, really it's amazing how much of a fucking idiot you have to be to actually fall for it." 

Your eyes widen as you realize how badly you just stepped in it.


	5. Chapter 5

“Shit.” You need to sit down. You go back to your computer station chair and throw yourself into it. You rest your elbows on your knees and bury your fingers in your hair, staring blankly at the floor. Your blood pusher is really hammering, and you feel a little bit queasy. “Fuck.” 

“Eheheh, KK, don’t take it so hard,” Sollux chuckles as he crosses the room towards you. “We’ve always known that I’m smarter and better than you in every way.” 

A hand lands on your shoulder, and you start. Your head whips around to look up at him where he’s standing just behind you. But as soon as you straighten, he slides sideways onto your lap. He rests one arm over each of your shoulders and laces his prongs together loosely behind your head. 

You are frozen in place with surprise. He’s _sitting on your lap,_ you can’t believe it. Your eyes are glued fixedly to his arm where it passes by your face, anything so that you don’t have to make eye contact. You try to come up with something to say to defuse the moment, and completely fail. 

He buries his fingers in your hair in front of your horns and runs his claws lightly over your think pan and down the back of your neck to your spinal lump, sending tingling waves radiating out across your skin. The sensation makes your lips part and your eyes roll back in your head, and suddenly you are immensely glad he can’t see your face from this angle. He repeats it with both hands a few times, and each repetition drains more of your will to resist. After a minute, you give in to the inevitable. You look up and meet his eyes with your half-lidded ones. 

He’s so close. Just inches away from you. And he’s staring at you, through you, with every bit of intensity that gaze holds. He runs his claws through your hair one more time and watches as your breath hitches and your eyes flutter shut. You know he is taking in every detail of the effect he is having on you, and you know it’s written all over your face. But it’s hard to hide it when you feel like you’re melting from the inside out. 

He rests one hand against your cheek and keeps the other buried in your hair. “KK,” he says softly. “Are you ready?” 

He moves a little closer, and your fingers clutch a handful of his shirt. “I’m a little nervous!” you blurt. 

He pauses and tilts his head. “Why?” 

“Because…well, I’ve never…I mean, it’s my first time!” 

“Oh,” he says with a slight nod. “Mine too.” 

That catches you by surprise. “It is?” He nods again. Maybe you were wrong about him and Aradia after all. “Aren’t you nervous then too?” you ask. 

He shakes his head with a soft laugh. “Eheheh. Trust me, KK. On my list of things to be nervous about, a kiss doesn’t even make the top hundred.” He tilts your face upwards and rests his forehead against yours. You can feel his breath against your lips. You close your eyes. 

“Okay,” you breathe, your voice scarcely audible. “I’m ready.” 

A moment later, his lips touch yours. 

He stays there for a few seconds, soft skin against yours, before pulling back. Then he brushes his lips across yours again. This time when he moves away, you open one eye a tiny slit so you can see him. You lean forward and upwards, seeking his lips with yours. You can feel him smiling before he kisses you back. 

Seconds tick by. You are trembling. Sollux pulls back, and your breath escapes in a shaky gasp that has you totally embarrassed. You forgot to breathe that whole time. You open your eyes expecting to see Sollux laughing at you, but he’s just watching you intently. At this close proximity, you can see through his shades to the mismatched eyes behind them. 

He splays his fingers across your cheek and tilts your head upwards. This time when you meet, his tongue presses insistently against your lips. You part them nervously and allow him in. You don’t know how to do this part, but you work it out gradually by feel. His tongue rubs against yours, flicks it, tugs at it. He certainly seems to know what he’s doing. The distant part of you that’s still thinking wonders if he was lying to you about this being his first time. 

He breaks for just long enough to gasp out one shuddering breath against your lips before diving back in. Now you see how those things are supposed to go together. There are more logistics to this kissing thing than you came to appreciate from the movies. 

You start to relax as it continues. Your hands, which have been clinging to the fabric of his shirt so tightly that they are bordering on being cramped, finally start to loosen. You let go, flatten your hands out against his back, run your fingers part way up his spinal nerve column. He throws his head back with a gasp and his fingers tighten against your skin. 

His reaction is…kind of delightful. You do it again, and he arches into your touch and shivers. Then he laughs softly and rests his forehead against yours. You tighten your arms around his waist and pull him closer. 

“KK,” he breathes. He tilts his head so that a pair of his horns rests against one of yours. He runs the tip of one of his horns down the length of yours and back up again. You feel it as a deep rumbling vibration over your whole think pan that is pleasant, almost relaxing. You close your eyes. 

Then he hornswipes you. It’s not hard, more playful than anything else, but it’s enough to knock your head to the side. An instant later, Sollux’s teeth and tongue are grazing your jaw line all the way back to your ear. 

It’s also enough to make you extremely nervous. You pull back and turn your head away. “Okay, that’s enough.” You drop your embrace and instead push his hands off of you. 

“What?” He’s still trying to touch your face, your hair. “Why?” 

“Because! That’s just…enough!” You shove at his shoulder and push him off of you. He staggers a step before catching his balance. You shoot out of the chair and scurry out of your block, then dash up the stairs two at a time. You have no particular destination in mind, you are just eager to put some distance in between you. 


	6. Chapter 6

You find yourself standing in your living block in front of your movie collection. You can hear Sollux’s steps echoing up the staircase as he follows you, and he emerges into the block a moment later. “We shouldn’t stop there,” he says. “That’s a terrible place to decide to stop.”

“No, I think that’s the perfect place to stop.” You start rearranging your movies to hide your nerves.

“Oh, come on.” Sollux is approaching you. “Who do you think you’re managing to fool, KK? The only reason you want to stop is because you don’t want me to learn what color your blood is.”

“That has nothing to do with it!” you lie at the top of your lungs, whirling to face him. “Nothing at all!” You hope desperately that he can’t tell that your words are nothing more than a giant, steaming pile of behemoth leavings. He has actually hit the attachment spike right on the head. Dismayingly so.

“Sure it doesn’t.” He stops in front of you with one hand on a hip and raises his eyebrows. “But use your puzzle sponge and actually think about this for two seconds. Do you really think I give a single fuck what color your blood is?”

“I said that’s not what this is about!” you snap. “Anyway, sharing…you know, _that,_ is way beyond just a kiss!” You eye him warily. “Sollux, what do you have in mind? I mean, what exactly do you want to do?”

Sollux shrugs. “I don’t know. Everything, I guess. Why not?”

_“What?”_ That is, prongs down, the most indecent thing anyone has ever said to you. “You can’t be serious! This is a big bullshit joke, right? Having a little fun at Karkat’s expense?”

Sollux cocks his head at you. “Why would I do that, that would not be a funny thing to do.”

“That’s never stopped you before!” you retort. “You’re like the king of unfunny jokes delivered at inopportune moments!”

“No, KK.” He shakes his head solemnly. “No joke. I meant that thing I just said.”

You stare at him in complete disbelief. “There is nothing okay about that thing you just said!” you exclaim. “You can’t just – you can’t just come out and _say_ it like that! I mean, do you realize that right now you’re making Ampora’s advances look subtle and shy in comparison? What the hell is wrong with you! Seriously, what are you even thinking?”

Sollux grins wryly. “When you know the things I know, it tends to change your perspective.”

“Stop it!” You wave your hands angrily in the air in your agitation. “You do not get to blame this on your stupid mutant brain or whatever!”

“Why not, when my stupid mutant brain is the source? And anyway, you like me,” he says calmly, as if the things he’s saying are totally reasonable and no big deal at all. “And I like you, so why not?”

You splutter for a few seconds before you manage to choke out, “Augh I can’t believe you would even ask that as a serious question! How are we even having this conversation right now!” You lean against the back of the couch and suck down a few deep breaths to calm yourself. You don’t even know where to start in addressing such a ludicrous statement. “Okay, there are so many things that are fucked up and wrong about what you just said, but since you apparently want to pretend like this little chat is something other than an embarrassing farce, let’s start with this one. Okay, here goes. For one thing, isn’t it at least like…three sweeps too early?”

“Three sweeps? Eheheheh, that’s funny.” Sollux’s lips twitch into a slight smile and he shakes his head. “If you had seen the things I’ve seen, you would know just how hilarious that comment is. And sad.” He cocks his head to the side and regards you. “We don’t have three sweeps, KK. Not even close to it.”

You flail. “Perfect, more melodramatic bullshit, that is exactly what I want to hear right now! Really you’re just making everything so much better, please keep going in this vein!”

Sollux narrows his eyes at you for a long moment, then shrugs. “Fine. But why wait? Just because you expect it to be another three sweeps before the imperial drone shows up – “

Suddenly and horribly, you realize where this sentence is going. “Sollux, no!” you gasp in dismay.

“ – to take your collection for the filial p – “

“Shut the fuck up!” You cut off the mortifying tirade of filth spewing from your friend’s windhole by the simple expedient of clapping your hands over his mouth.

This proves to be a major tactical blunder. One flick of his head, and those teeth slice a neat series of shallow, parallel cuts across your palm.

“Shit!” You yank your arm back immediately, but he moves like lightning to catch your wrist in both of his hands.

He continues speaking as nonchalantly as if he were never interrupted. “…doesn’t mean we can’t do whatever the fuck we want to now. It doesn’t hurt anything. And it will be fun, which you would admit if you weren’t such an uptight tool.”

His words slide past you. You are struggling with all of your might to get free of his grip. He is unreasonably strong for his size. You can feel the blood pooling inside of your tightly-clenched fist, and panic is starting to rise within you.

Then your eyes flick to his face, and you freeze in utter horror.

There, right on the tips of his two longest teeth, are traces of incriminating, red blood.

He’s already daintily licking one of them clean. As soon as his tongue darts back into his mouth, a thoughtful expression blooms on his face. Your digestion sac plummets. He recognizes the taste. He knows it’s blood.

It’s all over now. 


	7. Chapter 7

A grin slowly spreads over Sollux’s features. He _has_ you, and you know it, and he knows you know it. The small feline creature is out of the bag. 

Your insides feel like they have turned to a block of solid lead. You watch in mute dread as that tongue flicks out one more time and licks the other tooth. Sollux extends it all the way out of his mouth so that he can see what color graces its tip. 

He pauses. He frowns. Then his jaw drops. 

"KK!" He grabs furiously at your injured hand, trying to pry your fingers open. "Is this for real am I really seeing what I think I'm seeing?" 

"Get off! Quit it! God damn it you spastic freak let me go!" You struggle against him, but it's no use. The horrible red liquid squeezes between your fingers and leaks out into the open for both of you to see. 

Sollux gasps. “Oh my god.” 

You make one last-ditch, desperate effort to jerk out of his grip, and he counters by locking your arm in place with dancing tongues of red and blue lightning. He levers your fist open and runs his fingers slowly through the blood, then lifts his hand and turns it this way and that, staring raptly as the ghastly red liquid drips down his digits. 

“Oh God!” Your head snaps away from the nauseating sight. “Stop it, stop it! Please, don’t look at it!” 

Sollux seems deaf to your anguished plea. His head swivels toward you and he pins you with a look comprised of shock, awe and accusation. “ _Red,_ KK? Your blood is _red_ and you never told me?” 

“Shut the hell up, I can’t help it!” The prongs of your free hand dig deep into the soft fabric of the couch as you try fruitlessly to squelch your oncoming panic. You have never felt so much shame in your entire life. You wish you could just shrivel up and vanish, melt into the carpet and disappear forever. “Just look away! Just – please!” 

"Red, it's a _true red,_ fuck!" Before you can process what's happening, Sollux drops down on one knee and runs his tongue along the length of your cut palm. "True red, god, it's beautiful!" Then he buries his face against your hand, holding it tightly in place with both of his. "Oh god, fuck, I never thought I'd get to meet one but it turns out that all along, _you –_ " He shivers convulsively, and his tongue flicks against your palm again. "You, KK!" 

You can only stare in dumbfounded silence. This is so far from the reaction you expected that you can't even comprehend it. You feel light-headed. 

Sollux lets go of you with his mind lightning and instead laces his fingers tightly through yours. He looks up and meets your eyes. Your blood is on his lips, his tongue, his teeth, his chin; a sight that is simultaneously terrifying and thrilling. Terrifying, because your humiliating secret is being displayed so prominently. Thrilling, because it speaks to something in you that lies far deeper than your conscious mind. Something primal. 

You have never felt so overwhelmed in your entire life. 

Sollux cocks his head at you, and now his face holds bewilderment and hurt. "You know how I feel about red, KK. Why did you keep this from me for all these sweeps?" 

You open your mouth, but no words come out. You have no retorts, no curses, no insults. You certainly have no answers. Right now, you've got nothing at all. You can't tell if this is a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders, or if it's an enormous loss. It's overwhelming, is what it is. That is all you know for sure right now. 

Sollux brings your hand to his cheek and molds your fingers against the curve of his face beneath the red half of his shades. He looks up at you imploringly. “Why, KK?” he murmurs. He rubs his face against your hand and shivers. “How could you think I wouldn’t love it?” 

Your response, when it comes at last, tears its way out of your chest in something akin to a scream and leaves you gasping raggedly in its wake. 

"Because I'm a complete fucking freak of nature! Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm a total genetic fucking freak!" 

To your immense surprise, Sollux breaks the silence that follows this proclamation with a soft chuckle. He brings your palm to his lips and kisses it gently, then gives you a lopsided grin. "Well," he says quietly. "That makes two of us." 

You stare. Your greatest secret, revealed. All those sweeps of hiding it, over. All the barriers you put up between yourself and even your closest friends, gone; shattered into a million pieces and whipped away on the breeze, nothing more than tiny crystalline dust on the wind. You stand before him exposed, naked down to your very core. He has seen exactly what you are. 

And he hasn’t turned away from you. He is still here, touching you. Holding you. Wanting you. 

The deluge barricades open. You launch yourself at Sollux.


	8. Chapter 8

Sollux’s eyes widen as you crash into him and yank his face to yours. Your kiss is heated, frantic, desperate, and he returns it in kind. When you break he laughs, a sound that quickly cuts off in a yelp when you sink your teeth into his lower lip. 

You pull back and watch the yellow blood well up and out. You touch it, spread it across his lips with your bleeding palm, and stare at the results. Red and yellow mingle together on the black palette of his lips in a beautiful mess of a hundred different shades of orange, each sliding smoothly into the next. 

The first stage of the mixing of colors is complete, both a bond and a preview of what’s to come. This is something you feared you might never be able to do, and in its execution it is extremely powerful. The stunning sight leaves you breathless and transfixed. 

Sollux is gazing in rapt fascination at the bright colors blending and slowly fusing into orange on your hand. His tongue flicks out and explores the place where you just bit him, then runs along his lower lip, tasting the mixture there. He catches your eyes, then leans in and brushes his lips languidly across yours in something that is almost a kiss. Blood makes his skin slick against yours. He pulls back just far enough to see the product. 

You watch as his lips part and his breath quickens. He brings one finger up and touches your lower lip, and he shivers against you. “Oh, fuck KK,” he breathes. His eyes meet yours, and his gaze is filled with pure desire. 

That sight unfreezes you. You surge forward and kiss him hard, desperate to slake the deep thirst that has opened up inside of you. Momentum has him stumbling backwards, and he wraps one arm around your neck and takes you with him. You grab him and hold him so tightly that your claws tear through his shirt and pierce the skin of his back and shoulders, and he gasps and arches into your touch. He buries his fingers in your hair and clutches a fistful of it. 

Then he nips at the tip of your tongue. You react instinctively to the sudden dart of pain by jerking out of his grip and hornswiping him. He spins aside and has to grab the couch to keep from losing his balance. The back of your think pan is stinging like crazy, and you realize that your tongue is bleeding. 

Of course, that was the point. He wants you both bleeding. Sollux grins unrepentantly as he shakes his prongs free of the hair he just tore from the back of your head. He closes the distance between you and leans in to kiss you deeply. 

You growl and stretch to your full height in order to hook one of your horns into a pair of his. It fits surprisingly well between them, and it stops him from turning his head. He tries to pull free, but you push forward and don’t let him. He staggers back two steps before he recovers his balance and pushes back against you in kind. Your fingers lock with his, simultaneously shoving him away and holding him close. 

“If that’s what you want – “ You run your tongue across his lips, lapping up yellow and leaving red in your wake, spreading the striking mix of colors across his skin. Every glimpse of orange sends an electrical charge crackling through you, from your chest out to the tips of your fingers and toes. There is no turning back now. You want him. 

He laughs breathlessly, his eyes shining as he watches your tongue move. “Orange,” he murmurs. “It’s my new favorite color!” He surges forward and succeeds in knocking you back a few steps before you can compensate. You growl deep in your throat as you brace yourself and halt him from any further advances. 

He narrows his eyes at you. “You know, KK…” He disentangles one hand from yours and reaches up to fondle your free horn. “You aren’t half bad at this for having such nubby little horns.” 

You snarl and snap your head to the side and throw him, actually _throw_ him. His feet leave the floor for a second before he hits your bookshelf and tumbles to the ground amidst a shower of falling movies. 

Seeing him down sends a surge of exhilaration through you. First fall belongs to you, as will every stage of this fight. You grin as you stalk him, circling him slowly. “What was that you were saying about my horns?” you taunt. “Say it again, just see where it gets you!” 

Sollux sits up and meets your gaze. “That was good!” He takes a moment to inspect a fresh shallow cut on his forearm where it hit the corner of your bookcase. He wrinkles his nose and sticks his tongue all the way out to lick it. Then he shakes his arm out and leans back on his hands, giving you a lopsided grin. “But I was just teasing about your horns, KK. I actually think that your nubby horns are…” His grin turns to a smirk. “Kind of cute.” 

Cute. That is _not_ the adjective you want to hear right now. 

“Fuck you!” you snarl at him, pinning him with your most furious glare of burning rage. “Fuck you and the hideous, undulating, slimy mother grub’s asshole you slithered out of!” You halt in front of him and drop your voice to a low, threatening growl. “Cute. Is _not._ What I am. Do you understand me.” 

He tilts his head up at you curiously, still maddeningly unintimidated by the threat you pose. “Then what are you, KK?” 

You bare your teeth and stare down your nose at him. What you are is dangerous. _Fierce._ Intimidating. Awe-inspiring. Fearsome. Impressive. Vicious. You are a deadly warrior, no less than the up-and-coming future leader of Her Imperious Condescension’s Threshecutioners, the dread battalion that is whispered of in hushed tones of muted terror throughout the galaxy. _That_ is what you are. Not _cute,_ like a wiggler you pat on the head. 

And you will fucking well prove it. 

Adrenaline courses through you and crystallizes into burning, red-hot, iron-hard determination. You’ll fucking show him! He will regret those words before the end of the night. You will _make_ him take them back. 

“What am I,” you repeat aloud. “You want to know?” You laugh harshly. “Good, because you’re about to fucking find out!” 

You spring at him.


	9. Chapter 9

Sollux turns out to be more prepared than he looks. He launches himself diagonally through the air, ducking underneath your arms and sailing past your torso. His outer horn slices through the side of your shirt and opens a shallow cut in your skin as he passes. You twist in midair with a hiss of pain and land in a crouch, managing to keep your balance despite the treacherously shifting pile of fallen movies you have landed in.

Sollux is not so lucky. His hand comes down squarely on a disc, and it slides out from under him. He hits the ground gracelessly and rolls once before coming to a halt. He sits up, shaking his head to clear it. 

His fleeting moment of defenselessness is all you need. You pounce on him. 

He senses you coming and tries to scramble away, but to no avail. You are faster. You land on him and knock him backwards, and he braces himself with one hand to keep from being bowled completely over. You straddle his thighs and shove at his shoulder, your other hand grappling against one of his. 

You snatch a quick kiss from his lips. Then you swipe his cheekbone hard with one of your horns and prove that, shape notwithstanding, they’re perfectly capable of drawing blood. 

Sollux gasps and instinctively claps his free hand over the wound, leaving himself momentarily unsupported and vulnerable. You head butt his chest and knock him onto his back, then surge forward and slam his shoulders against the ground with your hands. There you still, breathing heavily as you use your body weight to keep him firmly pinned. 

He stares up at you with wide, startled eyes, his mouth hanging open in a perfect O as he pants. He didn’t expect that. 

You smirk down at him, feeling immensely pleased with yourself. He may have a slight advantage in the horns arena, but you have the size advantage everywhere else. Also, you are a master tactician and a hatched leader. He’s fooling himself if he thinks he stands a chance against you. 

You press your lead by seizing his outer horns with your hands and shoving them against the ground, tilting his head sharply backwards and leaving his neck exposed. He yelps in surprise at the maneuver. You lean down to nip at his chin, opening up a trail of tiny yellow bite marks along his jaw and down his neck. He cries out and jerks against you each time your teeth break his skin. For a second you think you have him, and you silently congratulate yourself on how easy it was. 

But your gloating turns out to be premature. He’s not ready to give in yet. He twists his head and breaks out of your grip with dismaying ease, his horns opening up twin slashes on one of your wrists in the process. You jerk back with a curse, and suddenly you understand why none of the heroes of your favorite romcoms ever tried that move. Pitting flesh against horns is a proposition doomed to failure. 

Sollux darts up and forward with those sharp horns, and you are forced to recoil to avoid taking a worse blow to your face or neck. Your shift in position gives him enough latitude to get a knee underneath your torso and shove you away. 

You roll and use the momentum to carry you to your feet, then spin to face your friend. Sollux is scrambling frantically into a defensive crouch, one hand on his cheek where you cut him. His eyes are glued to you, tracking your every move. All traces of his prior flippant demeanor are gone, replaced with alert wariness. 

You have successfully managed to wipe the insufferable smile right off of his face. Round one belongs to you. He won't be blowing you off again any time soon, that's for sure; you sense that he just got serious. 

You grin fiercely at him. “How do you like my nubby horns now, huh?” you demand as you begin circling him. 

He straightens slowly and drops his hand to his side, chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. He is completely disheveled; his skin is coated with a fine sheen of sweat; his usually calm hair is disarranged in a messy cloud around his head. His shirt hangs in ribbons from his narrow shoulders, edged in yellow blood each place you’ve broken his skin. His lip has stopped bleeding where you bit it, but you can still see the thin yellow cut against his black skin. 

The look suits him, you think. Despite the cuts and bruises, he has never been more attractive to you than he is right now. He looks... _alive,_ somehow. For once he's not being aloof and secretive, he's not checked out in front of a computer screen. He is here with you, every bit of his vital energy fully present and engaged. 

You like that. You _want_ that, you want to possess it, to hold it in your hands and taste it on your tongue. 

And you will. Very, very soon. 

He narrows his eyes as he regards you, and a slight smile returns to his lips. “Better by the second,” he admits softly. He matches his movements to yours, pacing you as you stalk one another. He cocks his head and studies you with a measuring gaze. “You know, I think I may have underestimated you.” 

“Someone give the man a cookie for his astute observation,” you reply, sarcasm dripping from your words. You move closer to him with every step you take. His presence tugs at you, drawing you inexorably forward through an invisible bond that is shrinking by the second and will soon disappear entirely. It is a dance that has only one inevitable outcome. 

“You know, you aren’t too bad at this either,” you sneer. “The best part was when you almost put up a fight for a second there!” 

He laughs, low and breathy. “Oh, KK. You haven’t even _seen_ me try to put up a fight.” He runs his tongue over the tips of his sharp upper teeth and smirks. “Yet.” 

Your progress has brought you nearly within arm’s reach of him. Your nostrils flare as you catch his scent, and your breath quickens. He is your prey now, and you will take him down. Your blood is singing in your veins as you approach what you know to be the closing stretch of this fight. 

“You’re going down, you know,” you state flatly. 

Sollux halts and faces you, hands on hips as he tilts his head down to eye you over the top of his shades. “Like hell,” he growls. 

You still and plant your feet firmly in front of him. You are mere inches away from him now, and the air between you fairly crackles with tension as you stare each other down. 

You draw yourself up to your full height and modulate your voice to carry every bit of intensity and force that you can muster. Then you deliver an order that is as primal and powerful as it is simple. 

“Give,” you command. 

A smile blooms on Sollux’s lips. He lifts his chin defiantly and leans in so close that you can feel the heat radiating from his skin. His lips brush teasingly against yours as he gives you his response. 

“Make me,” he breathes.


	10. Chapter 10

You lunge forward with a growl and make a grab for those insolent lips, but this time he’s a fraction of a second ahead of you. He ducks back, and your teeth snap shut on air. An instant later, he lands a hornswipe so hard it makes your think pan rattle. You stagger sideways, momentarily stunned. He wasn’t kidding about upping his game. 

You regain your balance when you stumble shoulder-first into the wall. You spin to face Sollux immediately, but your moment of weakness has already given him an opening. You don’t have time to even widen your eyes before he dives at you. 

He throws one forearm across your chest and slams you back into the wall, propelled by the momentum of his running start. You choke as the wind is knocked out of you. He smashes his lips roughly against yours, and you wheeze desperately for air against him. Then he catches your lower lip between his teeth and tugs at it hungrily, his grip shaky with desire. It’s not enough to break your skin, but it’s enough to hurt, and you growl your defiance. 

You finally manage to catch your breath, and you _want_ him. You wrap your arms around his waist and yank him against you, returning his kiss full force, your tongue seeking desperately after his. 

He responds by immediately breaking the kiss and pulling back, to your immense frustration. He gives you the briefest of coy grins before he ducks his head and plants his hands firmly on the wall on either side of your chest. 

For a second, you are perplexed by his choice of positioning. It will clearly be a piece of grubloaf for you to break this hold, and you briefly wonder what he’s thinking. Then you feel a sharp prick just beneath your chin, and you freeze. 

“Let’s review,” says Sollux sweetly, and you can hear his smirk even though you can’t see his face. “Which one of us isn’t putting up a fight?” 

“Fuck you, Captor,” you snarl. You grab his shoulders and shove at him, but he counters by lifting his head a fraction of an inch. You tilt your head backwards with a gasp as the sharp tip of his horn pierces your skin and draws a tiny drop of blood. 

“Bold words, considering your position,” he says smugly. His tongue finds its way into one of the now plentiful holes in your shirt and begins exploring your chest. You shiver from head to toe, but your resolve doesn’t waver. You dig your claws into his upper arms as you push at him, and he lifts his horns even higher in response. You are forced onto your tip-toes to stay in one piece, and he laughs as he playfully drags the tip of his horn along your throat. 

Your breath freezes in your chest and you grit your teeth, blood pusher hammering in your chest. It is infuriating that he has trapped you with this unorthodox tactic. You can’t let this go on. 

You lift your chin up and jerk to the side, craning your neck as far as it will go an in effort to clear his horns. Your movement knocks his hands free from the wall, and he clutches the sides of your shirt instead. He moves with you as he tries to keep you pinned in a position that is precarious at best, and suddenly both of you are off balance. You stagger sideways, sliding along the wall. Movie posters flutter unheeded to the floor in your wake. You grit your teeth and strain even higher. You are almost free – 

And then, abruptly, there is no more wall behind you. Both of you go down in a tangle of limbs. You are tumbling down a flight of stairs, but you barely notice; your attention is thoroughly absorbed by Sollux as you struggle to keep your grip on him. You spill out into your respiteblock and roll across the floor, and your gaze meets his as you each fight to be the one that comes out on top. 

To your chagrin, Sollux manages to plant a knee firmly on the ground and halt the roll while you are flat on your back. He smirks down at you as you grab at his wrists, trying unsuccessfully to break his grip. He feints toward your arm with his horns, and you drop your grip right away. Your soft parts don’t need to learn that lesson a second time. Those horns are the real threat, you get that now. You neutralize them; you win. It’s as simple as that. 

He darts forward, and you surge upwards and meet his horns with yours. He is trying to pin you, but despite his superior position, he doesn’t have the bulk to make it happen. He bares his teeth in a snarl as he strains against you with everything he has. 

Seconds pass as the two of you struggle silently. Your gazes are locked as you fight, both of you panting desperately with exertion and excitement. Your horns creak ominously against his and your neck muscles feel like they’re about to burst, but neither of you gives. 

Stalemate. 

Time for a new strategy. You have been using your hands to grapple with his shoulders in a fruitless effort to knock him off of you. Now you drop that grip and move them to his hips instead. You give him a tiny smirk as a warning. Then you squeeze with all ten claws. 

He flinches as they sink into his skin, and that tiny lapse in balance is more than enough. You sling your head sideways throw him completely off of you. He tumbles to the ground on his back and you pounce before he has a chance to recover. 

You ignore the hands he throws up to try to block you as the red herring that they are and go straight for his horns. You jam one of yours in between a pair of his, cracking your forehead painfully against his in the process, and slam his head to the ground. It is not the most elegant maneuver in the history of troll romance, you will admit, and it has you both snarling in pain; but it gets the job done. Sollux struggles beneath you for several seconds before emitting a brief shriek of defeat and going still. 


	11. Chapter 11

You bellow triumphantly, and Sollux squeaks in surprise beneath you. You are cheek-to-cheek, nose-to-nose, eye-to-eye; the blue lens of his shades is smashed painfully in between your faces. The rush of victory is coursing through you, sending you soaring. You start to laugh. In this moment, you are the most powerful, invincible hero that has ever lived.

“Got anything to say for yourself now, Captor?” you demand condescendingly, prolonging the moment, unable to resist the urge to gloat. 

“Yes, yes – “ he gasps. “You win! I give! I – ah!” His voice jumps an octave as you jerk his head to the side and shake him viciously, just because you can. “I give I give I give!” 

“Still want to call me _cute?”_

“Yes! No! Wait – “ His eyes go wide as you show your displeasure by biting at his cheek. Your teeth scrape across his slick skin, unable to gain purchase. “I don’t know!” he wails. “What’s the answer you want me to say? I’ll say anything, just tell me what you want me to say!” 

You smirk. “What I want,” you growl, pinning his wrists on either side of his head with slow deliberation, “is for you to shut the fuck up.” 

He does so instantly, his jaw snapping closed with an audible clack. 

This is it. The moment that every adolescent troll dreams of: to have another troll hornlocked and helpless beneath you. This is what it's all about. This is the bit in the romcom where it tastefully fades to darkness, and then cuts back in the next morning to reveal a pair of bruised, bloodied and deliriously happy newly-matesprits. You are a few thin layers of clothing away from the real deal. 

But you hesitate. Because even as you pant in the heat of the moment, even after how hard you fought to get here, you are dimly aware that this isn't the way you pictured this happening. It's too soon, too out of the blue. You never made a decision about whether or not Sollux is the right one for you; you just got swept up in the tide of events, and now here you are. An unwelcome realization breaks over you like a glass of cold water: a scant hour ago, you weren’t even sure if you wanted Sollux to _kiss_ you. 

You’re only _five sweeps old,_ for fuck’s sake. This is insanity. 

Sollux detects your hesitation immediately, of course. There's no way he could miss it, not the way you're pressed against him. His blue eye narrows slightly beneath the shades. “What is it, KK?” he murmurs urgently. “You know what to do, right?” His tongue darts out and flicks against your lips, and his eyes flutter shut. _“Anything you want to,”_ he breathes. 

You shiver convulsively, but still you hold back. "Are you really sure about this?" you gasp. 

Sollux growls. He feints towards your chin, making as if to try to break your hold on him. Your reaction is immediate and instinctive. You slam his head back down and tighten your hornlock, twisting his neck into an awkward position. He yelps, then giggles hoarsely, caught between pain and desire. “See?” he says. He laps at the salty sweat on your cheek in between words. “You want to.” 

He’s right. The next time that tongue comes out, you are ready for it. You catch it between your teeth and hold it, tightening your grip bit by bit. Sollux gasps, then cries out when you draw blood. You go just a little bit deeper to prove your point and hold him there, tasting and watching as the yellow liquid flows downwards and spatters his face. His eyes roll back in his head and his claws dig into the backs of your hands as he arches upwards. Only when he squeaks and writhes desperately against you do you release him. His tongue snaps back into his mouth and he stills, shaking. 

Your conquest is complete. Beneath you, Sollux is radiating submission in every way. You’ve read about this moment in novels, but now you are stunned by how poorly those descriptions stack up to the reality. In real life, submission is so much more than a mere posture. It’s also the soft, halting, desperate mewling sounds that escape from his lips as he waits for you. Submission has a _scent_ to it, a sharp, sweet edge in the shallow breaths he pants frantically against your lips. It has a _feel_ to it, something that sets you tingling everywhere you and he are touching. The mangled clothing between you is no barrier whatsoever; your skin is on fire. It has a _taste_ to it, an indescribably delicious tang that coats every inch of his skin. Your tongue cannot get enough, you don't think you will _ever_ have enough; it's maddening, overwhelming, pushing you to the very brink of frenzy. Submission speaks to all five of your senses, and it does so in a voice loud enough to drown out all else. 

Your claws could make quick work of that pesky clothing. You would never even need to let Sollux out of the hornlock. Mere seconds from now, you could _have_ him. _All_ of him. 

Yours. 

Amidst the symphony of overwhelming sensation, a note of discord. There was something. This thing. From earlier. 

Earlier feels like another planet. You can barely remember if there _was_ an earlier. The whole universe is this, you and Sollux and Sollux begging for you with every pore of his being. This is all there is, all there was, all there ever will be. 

No. It was important. You should remember. 

You seize onto that thought with both fists and refuse to let it go. You claw your way inch by perilous inch back toward rational thought. 

Sollux shudders and emits a thin, high-pitched keen of abject frustration. “KK, come on!” he hisses through gritted teeth. He pulls his wrists free in order to slip his hands under your shirt and up your spine, setting your skin ablaze in the wake of his claws. His tongue is tracing your lips again, daring you with each slick, heated touch to force it into stillness. Every instinct in your body aches to lunge for the bait. 

You clamp down on instinct, clinging to the ragged edge of self-control. You manage to tilt your head a tiny bit, and then a tiny bit more, and then the feeling of his tongue against your skin is no longer completely overpowering. 

"No," you somehow choke out between gasps. "It’s – too soon!" A few more agonizingly long seconds drag by before you can manage the rest. "Too sudden!" 

Sollux screams. 

Just like that, the white-hot connection is severed. The charged, searing energy that glued you to him, that set all of your senses on fire, vanishes in an instant as his submission evaporates. 

It's agonizing. You are asphyxiating; the air is being sucked right out of your lungs. You are dying of dehydration in the middle of a desert, and someone just knocked the life-saving glass of ice water out of your grip. You are on your knees, watching its shattered remnants seep away into the sand and take your hope for survival with it. 

It feels like death. Your voice joins Sollux's in a howl of lament.


	12. Chapter 12

Mercifully, the sensation is short-lived. It dissipates, and you are left reeling in its wake, stunned and incoherent. You struggle to your hands and knees, sucking on air desperately as you try to remember who and what you are.

“Too sudden? _Too sudden?”_ You vaguely register Sollux's furious snarl as he dashes the blood from his face with the back of one hand. “What is it, KK? Not enough foreplay for you? You want to have a _real_ fight on your hands?” 

You don’t catch his movement until one prong has already tipped his shades down to reveal a slice of glowing, mismatched eyes. Then a blast of red and blue energy catches you full on. 

You go flying across the room and crash into the far wall, where you tumble to the floor and land in a painful heap. For a moment you lie there, your mind blank as your sluggish brain tries to catch up with your new circumstances. You flounder to your hands and knees, but then the next wave of psionic lightning hits you. This one hurls you sideways to slam into your computer station; you wince as the corner jabs painfully into your shoulder. Back issues of Game Grub flutter to the floor around you as you hit the ground. 

This time, you are quicker out of the gate. You roll into a crouch and spin to face your friend. Sollux is hovering in midair, surrounded by a storm of flickering red and blue lightning. It crackles all around him, sending tendrils licking out to crawl across the walls and ceiling before they dissipate. The dramatic light show is taking up half the room; it’s making your hair stand on end. 

At the center of it all are those eyes; those freakish, glowing, mismatched eyes. They are shining so brightly that it looks like he has no pupils at all; just solid-colored, luminous orbs where eyes should be. The overall effect is completely otherworldly. 

And utterly terrifying. 

Those eyes are currently trained unwaveringly on you. He slowly straightens his arm and lets the shades drop, forgotten, from his fingertips. 

You don’t need to be the romance expert you are to understand what has happened here. You curse silently at yourself. You should have _known_ that he would flip from red to black just as quickly and dramatically as he oscillates between moods. 

It dawns on you belatedly that you just did something incredibly stupid. You should never have hesitated when you had the upper horn. He’s not about to let you get it back. 

“Sollux,” you begin, holding your hands up placatingly. “Listen – “

He snaps his fingers. You are picked up off your feet and thrown again, this time into your cocoon. Impacting its hard, outer husk knocks the breath out of you, but you don’t dare stay still. You scramble to all fours just in time to dodge a blast of energy. It hits the wall near you with enough force to shake your hive as you dive out of its way. You somersault to your feet and whirl – 

Only to find yourself face-to-torso with actual Sollux. You were so preoccupied with his psionic attacks that you lost track of his physical presence. You jerk back, but not quickly enough. He cracks you in the chin with one knee, snapping your teeth painfully shut on half of your tongue and sending you staggering. 

“Is this better?” he sneers mockingly as he floats slowly towards you. “Is this doing it for you, Karkat?” 

You spit blood and back up step by step as he advances, using one hand to massage some feeling back into your jaw. This is bad, and getting worse by the second. You weren’t ready for his flushed advances; you sure as _hell_ aren’t ready for a caliginous one. You and he have never had so much as a spark of genuine black chemistry between you, not even when he’s at his most insufferable. You have no business in this quadrant with him. 

You glance around yourself furtively, hoping for a clear path to an exit, but you see none. Sollux is between you and the staircase; the other door leads to your extraterraneal landing slat, where another blow like the one you just took could send you flying off the roof and onto the hard concrete below. 

You do, however, spot your sickle sitting on your night stand out of the corner of your eye. You alter your course subtly to take you near it. 

Sollux laughs. “Oh Karkat. So predictable.” He snaps his fingers again, and the sickle lifts off of your desk in a cloud of flickering, colored energy. “I don’t think so.” He sends it slicing through the air to bury itself in the opposite wall, flying so close by your face on its way that you can feel the wind of its passage. Your blood pusher skips a beat and you freeze to the spot. 

Sollux floats to a halt in front of you and hauls you forward by what remains of your shirt. You grab his wrist and grapple with him, trying to pull away, but he’s augmenting his grip with his psionics. All the physical strength in the world wouldn’t avail you now. His lips are twisted into an amused smirk as he watches you struggle, and panic is starting to rise in you. 

“Damn it, Sollux!” you exclaim, looking pleadingly into the depthless red and blue planets that are his eyes. “Quit it! This is the wrong quadrant for us, and you fucking know it!” 

“Shut the fuck up,” he replies coldly. He brings his face close to yours and pins you with that terrible gaze. You still nervously, blood pusher hammering as you wait to see what he is going to do to you. 

His next move catches you by surprise. He puts one hand on your cheek, fingers splayed, and kisses you very lightly on the lips. 

He stays there for long seconds, lips and tongue brushing teasingly against yours. You aren’t prepared for this sudden gentleness; you have no defenses against it. Despite your fear, or maybe heightened by it, his touch has the power to melt you to slag. Your eyes roll back in your head as you press yourself against him, part your lips for him. You kiss him back. 

For a moment, things are exactly as they should be. You begin to feel cautiously optimistic. 

Then he jerks back and slaps you open-palmed across the face. You hiss in pain and dismay as you lurch aside. He grabs a handful of your hair and yanks your head back so he can run his tongue along the fresh cuts his claws just opened up on your cheek. You whimper as your knees go weak; you have to clutch at him for support. You can’t handle this bewildering mix of alternating kindness and cruelty, pleasure and pain. It’s making your think pan spin. 

Sollux laughs softly and twists your head further back so he can nip from the base of your neck up, his hot breath playing across your skin. “Let me know when you have had enough,” he murmurs sweetly into your ear. 

You squeeze your eyes tightly shut as you shiver. You can’t back this fight out of blackrom territory; he won’t let you. The choice facing you now is painfully simple: you can either give, or you can fight. That’s it. 

The words leap to the tip of your tongue, hovering there, already clamoring to get out. On some deep level you know that you are being toyed with, that you are hopelessly outmatched in this fight. But you refuse to accept that. A true hero never gives up. No matter what. 

Your eyes snap open and you snarl at him. Then you sink your teeth into the sinewy muscle of his shoulder all the way down to the quick.


	13. Chapter 13

Sollux screams in pain and rage and starts thrashing, raining blows down indiscriminately on your head and back until you let go. He spins away from you, clutching at his shoulder, inadvertently losing altitude until one foot scrapes against the floor. He staggers, flails for balance, trips, and finally comes to a clumsy halt crouched in front of your computer desk. You spit out a strip of torn black fabric and wipe yellow blood from your lips and chin.

“God damn it Vantas!” he shrieks as he bounces back to his feet. “You fucking pile of rancid hoofbeast shit! You’ll fucking regret that!” His face is contorted into a rictus of pure fury as he advances on you, this time striding across solid ground. He’s bleeding profusely from that shoulder, the blood forming a slick that has drenched half of his shirt. His sign has been rendered unreadable. All of the red and blue theatrics have ceased, and the room is lit only by the blue glow of your computer screen as he approaches. “You just made a huge fucking mistake – I don’t think so!” You attempt to drop into a defensive crouch, but he’s having none of it. He lets go of his injured shoulder and holds out one bloodstained hand, and you are knocked bodily onto the floor. 

You land, prone, your whole torso glued in place with invisible forces. Now it’s your turn to thrash as you try to break free, but you can’t move even an inch. You’re trapped. 

You freeze when Sollux stalks into your field of vision. He halts with one foot on either side of your ankles and stares down at you, hands on hips, lip curled. His eyes burn with cold hatred, piercing through you like twin lances, making you tremble. You honestly didn’t think he had it in him, hate that powerful. 

Sollux drops to his knees, then to all fours. The forces holding you in place have now grabbed your legs as well, leaving you helpless as he crawls forward over you. He stops with his knees on either side of your hips and his hands next to your chest, between your arms and body. His face is right above yours, and for a moment all you can do is lie there and be helplessly transfixed by his gaze. You can _feel_ the hate coming off him in waves, breaking over you, demanding that you answer it in kind. You are starting to shiver. 

You grit your teeth as you fight the rising tide. You realize, belatedly, that your hands are still free, and bring one up to shove frantically at his chin. 

“Wow, fuck, seriously? You’re still fighting?” He glowers in annoyance as he yanks your hand off of his face and slaps it away. “You need to fucking learn when you’ve lost!” He balls the prongs of one hand into a fist and pulls it back. Then he punches you square in the nose. 

Your face explodes in searing agony. You see stars. You open your mouth to cry out and end up coughing as blood runs into it. You blink frantically as you try to convince both your vision and your sponge to quit being so fuzzy. Sollux takes advantage of your groggy semi-surrender to wrestle both of your wrists to the ground above your head and pin them there with psionic bonds. He keeps his hands over yours, lacing his prongs through yours in a cruel mockery of flushed tenderness. 

You finally manage to refocus your eyes and find Sollux’s face hovering mere inches above yours. He smiles down at you for a moment before burying his face in the small space between your upper arm and your head. You gasp as you feel first his lips, then his teeth against your ear. “Let me give you a hint,” he murmurs, running his claws lightly down your palms and along the exposed undersides of your arms. “It was some time ago already.” 

“Sollux – “ You break off in a yelp as his tongue flicks into your ear, momentarily drowning sound in wet heat. The sensation surprisingly is sweet and so intense that it probably could have turned you to quivering jelly in another context, but right now it’s just invasive and confusing, threatening to fry the already crossed wires in your pan. You try to press your head against your arm, closing that space and squeezing him out of it. “Stop it! Let me go!” 

He sits up and rests one hand on your chest. The other is still curled up in a fist. He is looking down at you, eyebrows raised and head cocked. “Well?” he prompts. “Have anything to say to me?” 

“Okay I give!” you exclaim as fast as you can, because his expression says he’ll do it again. “Fuck! I give, I do!” 

“That’s better,” he says with a smirk. He grabs your chin and tilts your face upwards for a deep kiss. Then he darts forward and hornlocks you as easily as tearing the wings off a butterfly. 

Your breathing starts to pick up speed as you stare into his red eye. Panic is threatening. “Come on, Sollux,” you plead in a desperate whisper. “You don’t really hate me! You’re just mad!” 

He chuckles. “Are you so sure?” He leans in closer to lick some of the blood from your upper lip. 

“Fuck, oh – oh fuck – “ The words are torn from your unwilling lips in a deep groan. You try not to arch up into him, try not to meet his tongue with yours, but your traitor body has ideas of its own. It knows dismayingly well how to respond to a caliginous hornlock, and it doesn’t want to be denied. Part of you is screaming to give in to the inevitable, to surrender yourself to him and be swept up in the natural finale to this fight. Part of you wants this so badly there are no words for it. If Sollux were your kismesis, this would be solid gold; the stuff legendary romantic tales are made of. 

But he’s not, and you know it. And that’s making this situation terrible and terrifying instead of amazing. You resist with all you’ve got, fighting against yourself just as desperately as you were struggling against him a short while ago. You manage to keep your head above water, if only just. At the very least, you _know_ you aren’t broadcasting submission the way he was earlier. 

“Sollux,” you choke out in between panting breaths. “S – stop – stop it! We don’t belong – in this quadrant – this is – this is – oh – “

Ignoring your pleas, Sollux reaches down with one hand to fondle you, and suddenly your ability to entertain anything resembling a rational thought has been completely short-circuited. For a moment there’s nothing; no sight, no sound, no thought; just sparks flying in your head, crackling through the inside of your think pan until they fizzle out against your skull and die. 

“What?” You open your eyes and find yourself staring into Sollux’s glowing red one. “What is…what are we…” Your head is completely blank. You are vaguely aware that you were trying to say something a second ago, though you’ll be damned if you can remember what or why. 

Sollux begins walking two prongs languidly down your stomach, and that sends a jolt of electric panic through you powerful enough to jump-start your sluggish mind. Thoughts come flooding back. “No no no no don’t do that again!” Desperation makes it come out as an anguished shriek. 

Sollux pauses, his hand hovering dangerously. You grit your teeth in fear as your blood pusher jumps into overdrive. A dreadful certainty blooms in your mind that this is it: if he touches you one more time, you’re a goner whether you want to be or not. You want this as just as much as you don’t want this, maybe more; you can’t fight him, you can’t fight yourself, you can’t fight the situation. There is nothing left for you to do but give up. 

A wracking sob tears its way free of your throat, and fat, red tears join the blood that is rolling down your cheeks to pool on the floor.


	14. Chapter 14

The hand doesn’t fall. He stays frozen where he is, his horns locked with yours, his red eye dominating your entire field of vision. Your eyes dart back and forth as you try to figure out what the hell is going on. Is he toying with you? Drawing out the moment? Or is that a hint of indecision you detect behind that forbidding red orb?

“Sollux, please!” It comes out as a terrified whimper, and you don’t even care. “Not like this,” you plead. “Not like this!” 

The seconds drag by with torturous sluggishness. Then, abruptly, he lifts his horns from yours and returns his hand to the safe territory of the floor next to you. You blink rapidly as you try to focus your eyes on him. Have you been given a reprieve? He’s on all fours above you, staring down at you with an intense gaze. He still has you pinned with psionic ties; the hornlock was a mere formality, and you both know it. You are still very much at his mercy. You search his face for any clue as to what will come next, but you can’t divine anything from his inscrutable expression. There is nothing there; no hate, no lust, no anger, nothing. His face is now just as much of a blank slate as those uniform, glowing eyes. 

The tension is unbearable. “God damn it, Sollux!” you exclaim in an anguished howl. “What the fuck are you trying to do?” All of the little things that have been off about him today – the strange things he said, the unusual calm, the brazen forwardness, all of it – have crescendoed into a fever pitch. This isn’t your Sollux; this isn’t _any_ Sollux you know. Suddenly, that nonsense he was spouting earlier about how everything has changed since his wriggling day sounds a lot less crazy. You wish you had listened. Why didn’t you listen? 

“This isn’t you,” you whisper hoarsely, staring imploringly up into his eyes. “What the hell is going on with you?” 

Sollux narrows his eyes and his lip curls. “Oh,” he says. “So now you want to know? Suddenly you’re all auricular sponge clots?” He snorts and cocks his head at you. “Are you sure you don’t want to just call it bullshit and tell me to evacuate it out my protein chute again?” 

“No no no, I believe you, I totally believe you, I do, yes!” The words come pouring out of you in a confused jumble as you trip over them in your haste to get them out before he does anything even more terrifying. “What happened, tell me, on your wriggling day when you turned six?” 

“Eheheh.” He giggles, a high-pitched, frenzied sound that sets your nerves on edge. He rests his forearms on your chest and settles himself comfortably, bringing his face close to yours. “I saw the future, KK,” he murmurs. “That’s what happened. I saw all of the terrible things that will happen to us…” His eyes go unfocused as he stares into some unknown and unknowable inner landscape. “There are…there are so many of them,” he says dreamily. “We are all going to die, you know. Me, you, TZ, AA, everyone…” His eyes once again focus on yours. “The sky is going to fall, KK. It will be the end of the world. Armageddon.” 

“Wh – what?” you gasp, staring up at him in bewildered shock. This latest twist, coming as it has right in the midst of caliginous hornlock, is too much; you simply cannot process it. Your brain feels like it’s tearing itself in half; he has sucked you right into his madness. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“I’m talking about the future.” He smiles brightly, and there’s a horrible, manic glint in his eyes as he continues that makes you shudder. “I’m a true prophet of doom now, KK. Just like the blind prophets of legend.” 

You gape at him. Out of the heaping pile of irrational assertions that he has just dumped onto your nutrition plateau, your mind seizes on the low-hanging fruit. “You can’t be a blind prophet, Sollux,” you say. “You aren’t blind!” 

“Not _yet,_ ” he replies ominously. 

You shiver as you stare up at him. He’s so _serious._

“Sollux, no – “ You shake your head emphatically, both in denial and in an attempt to clear it of his disturbed ranting. “Come on, bro, this is frothing looneyblock nonsense even by your standards!” 

“It’s the future, KK!” he snaps. “I’ve seen it all in my visions.” Then he smiles and twirls one finger lightly through a lock of your hair, for all the world as if this is pillow talk. “I will be the first one to die. There’s going to be…” He takes a breath and expels it in a soft sigh against your lips. “Oh, there will be a _lot_ of blood, KK. Did you know that bleeding from your eyes is an actual thing that you can do?” He grins again, an expression so at odds with the things he’s saying that it makes your stomach turn. “You can. And I actually will! I will do it _twice._ It’s really, really, really…” He takes a shaky breath. “…really a _painful_ way to die. I always hoped I’d get something quick and neat, you know? Like being sliced in half by an Imperial Drone – “

“Stop. Stop! Sollux, stop it!” In his distraction, he stopped pinning your arms, and now you rest your hands on his shoulders in what you hope is a placating gesture. “Just stop. Listen, I don’t know what you think you saw, but it isn’t real, okay? It’s just a mutant brain thing! You’re just – you’re having one of your moods! You know how you get sometimes!” 

He stills and his eyes narrow dangerously. “What are you saying?” he demands. “How, exactly, do I get sometimes?” 

“Y – you know what I mean!” you say. But the blank expression on his face says he doesn’t, and suddenly you find yourself contemplating the awful possibility that maybe he’s genuinely unaware of it. You swallow hard, fighting down panic. “You know! You get a little bit…kind of…well… sort of…” _Crazy._ “Moody,” you finish aloud. 

Rage flashes across his features, and you cringe back in fear. “Moody?” he says incredulously. “You’re talking about my fucking _moods?_ ” Then the anger vanishes as quickly as it appeared. “The fact that I’m going to die,” he says evenly, “is an immutable fact that I am stating for the record. It doesn’t mean that _moodiness_ is what is happening here.” 

“Okay, cool, whatever you say,” you say, trying to keep your tone soothing. “You’re not being moody, then. But that stuff you said, none of it’s real! You – “

“Fuck you!” he shouts, jerking upright and pounding on your chest with both fists in frustration. “This shit’s more real that Kraft grubsauce! Why don’t you ever listen to me? You are the worst fucking friend to have, all you’re good for is shouting at the top of your lungs and being a complete asshole that I hate in every way!” 

“Okay okay! You win, okay?” There’s no point in trying to reason with him right now, that’s obvious; he’s clearly lost it. He still has you trapped, and you are acutely aware that he could squash you like a bug if he so chooses. You are up excrement brook without a propulsion slat here, and a single false move could be the end of you. Your only hope of getting out of this in one piece is to appease him. “I believe you, Sollux,” you say, doing your best to look earnest and guileless as he glares mistrustfully down at you. “Seriously. You’re right and I believe you about all of it!” Then you subside into petrified silence and wait to see if he will take you at face value.


	15. Chapter 15

After a few long, agonizingly tense seconds, Sollux’s fierce glare softens, and you expel a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. He rests his hands on your shoulders and gives you a wounded look. “I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn about this,” he says darkly. “They are all backing me up on this, every single last one of them. And they’re never wrong.”

You still as your insides knot with a fresh wave of fear. “The voices?” you hazard. “Of the dead, or whatever?” 

“Of the imminently deceased!” he corrects you sharply. “The dead are AA’s thing.” 

“Can you…” You swallow. You are not really sure you want to know the answer to this question. “Can you hear them right now?” 

He smiles. “Yes, I can hear them. Eheheheh, I can _always_ hear them. But right now, they’re – “ He stiffens and glances fearfully over his shoulder, then leans down to whisper in your ear. “They’re _loud,_ KK,” he breathes. Then he lifts his head and smiles that awful, glassy-eyed smile again. “In fact, I can barely hear you over them right now.” 

You nervously lick lips gone dry. Once again, things have gone from bad to worse. It keeps happening. You don’t want to think about where you will be ten minutes from now if it continues to keep happening. 

You ask another question that you’re pretty sure you don’t want to know the answer to. “What are they saying?” 

“What are they saying?” His eyes fly wide open as he repeats your question, and his voice leaps unexpectedly to a shout. “What are they _saying?_ They’re saying _that they’re going to die!”_ He squeezes his eyes shut and claps his hands to the sides of his head, teeth bared. “What else would they say! That’s what they always fucking say, every fucking day of my life!” 

When his eyes snap open, they are glowing again. Your digestion sac sinks. 

“But I’m used to that, KK.” His voice is abruptly calm and quiet again. “I’m used to hearing trolls die and listening to them scream while it happens. That’s pretty much what I _do._ Eheh, actually I thought I knew every way there was to die until I saw the very special death that the universe has set up for me. But now – but now – ” His jaw clenches and he shudders. 

“What is it?” you ask, even though you are terrified of the answer you might receive. 

“Now it’s _everyone!”_ he shrieks, grabbing your shoulders with a hiss. “It’s everyone, KK! All of Alternia! The whole galaxy! All trolls!” His wild-eyed stare is accompanied by twin sparks of dancing lightning. “The world is ending, KK, don’t you understand? It will be the vast glub! It’s coming! Everyone is going to die!” His body is wracked by a spasm, and suddenly he isn’t even making a pretense of keeping you pinned anymore. His forehead crashes into your chest as he curls up, his claws scratching your skin as he clutches twin handfuls of your shirt. “Every single troll will die, every single one, I can hear – “ He breaks off in a choked cry. His whole head is surrounded by the lightning now. “I can hear them, I can hear them all I can’t stop hearing them – “

You go shooting out from underneath him as fast as you can scramble. He slides off of you easily, his claws taking several strips of your already mangled shirt with them. You roll into a defensive crouch and whirl to face him, but he isn’t coming after you. He’s lying there on the floor, curled up, clasping his head with both hands. “There are so many, _so many,”_ he wails. “And they’re so loud! KK, why do they have to be so loud, why – “ He shivers and curls up more tightly. “Everyone, everyone! I wish they’d shut the fuck up, just for two seconds even – I almost stopped hearing them for a minute there, but then you _stopped,_ KK, why did you have to fucking _stop,_ you ruined everything – “

You can only stare as he raves. Sollux has always had his issues, but not like _this._ Nothing in the sweeps of dealing with his moods has prepared you for what you see in front of you now. 

This is literal insanity. 

His words become muffled as he buries his face in his hands. “Why does it have to be like this? KK why can’t they leave me alone KK! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I – ah – “ He breaks off in a shuddering gasp and writhes in pain, rolling back and forth on your hive floor. 

You stay rooted to the spot as his fit continues. You have no idea how to deal with this; you are in way over your head here. You reach for him with one hand, but then freeze as it approaches the perimeter of his one-man lightning storm, which has grown to envelop his entire body. No way can you put your hand into that. It was an idiotic idea from the start. So instead, you stand there feeling foolish and dangling one hand uselessly in midair. 

That’s when you see it. A window to his face momentarily clears, and you gasp in dismay. He hasn’t just hidden his face in his hands; he is actually clutching his head so tightly that his claws have cut fresh yellow tracks into his forehead and cheeks. Now his prongs have reached his eyes, but he hasn’t relaxed his grip; honey-colored blood is beading up from his eyelids where the tips of those sharp claws are digging into them. 

“Sollux, what the fuck are you doing?” You dive forward and grab his wrists, heedless of the crackling energy surrounding him. You take a nasty shock in the process and bark out a string of curses colorful enough to singe the air, but at least you manage to yank his hands away from his face before he can put his eyes out. 

He cries out as the force of your gesture yanks him sideways; then he’s clutching at you, grabbing your forearms and dragging himself towards you. He looks up at you, and his eyes are full of so much misery and pleading that your breath stops in your wind tunnel. “It hurts, KK,” he gasps. “It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts – “

You pull at him, trying to at least get him sitting up so that he’s not sprawled pathetically across the floor, but he’s shaking so hard that it’s next to impossible. He manages to get his knees underneath him for a moment, but then another shudder of pain takes him. He pitches forward against your chest, and you grab him tightly and hold him there. 

“Just calm down!” you exclaim frantically. “Just relax and we can talk about this – “

“Let go of me!” Suddenly, the guy that was clinging to you desperately mere moments ago is fighting against you tooth and nail. 

“Quit that! Sollux, stop it!” You try to tighten your grip, but he turns his head sideways and bites your arm. 

You cry out in pain and surprise as you reel back; those double fangs went in _deep._ He spins away from you and manages to hobble forward a short distance on his knees. You reach out to put a hand on his shoulder. “Sol – “

You break off when an errant twin blast of red and blue energy escapes from his eyes. It hits the opposite wall of the block and chars one of your movie posters to a crisp. You gape. 

Then Sollux clutches his head and screams. It’s not like any other scream you’ve ever heard, but you don’t know what else to call that terrible sound. He arches and his whole body goes rigid. 

And then he explodes.


	16. Chapter 16

You are frozen in stunned awe as twin columns of red and blue energy burst from his eyes and crash through the far corner of your hive with a deafening screech as metal twists and glass shatters. The beams have sliced through your wall like a hot knife through grubloaf. They widen with distance; although they’re narrow where they emerge from his eyes, they just punched a hole through your block wall that is as wide as you are tall. You are momentarily rooted to the spot, aghast at the thought of what would have happened to you had you managed to keep your grip on him.

Then Sollux twitches in pain. The movement makes his head jerk backwards, and, just like that, those paired lances of destruction sweep across your ceiling and back. You snap out of your shock with a curse as debris begins to fall around him. You grab him by the horns and scramble backwards towards safety, making very certain that you keep his deadly gaze pointed firmly away from you. 

You stop your frantic scooting only when you slam into something hard. You shout an expletive and spare it a quick glance; it’s your cocoon. You level a string of vitriolic curses at it for blocking your path. 

Sollux’s fit shows no sign of slowing down. His awful, keening scream hasn’t ceased even once, and he is twitching in obvious agony. He isn’t responding to your shouts; he probably can’t even here you, wherever he is. This _has_ to be taking a heavy toll on him – not to mention that it’s putting you in mortal danger. Once again, you find yourself fighting panic; there’s nowhere left to go, and this is starting to look like the end of the line for you. 

As you press back desperately against your cocoon, an idea suddenly sparks within your frantically whirling mind. There is actually one thing you could try. It’ll be risky and you have no idea if it will actually work, but you figure that anything’s a step up from cowering in terror and praying that you can wait this out. 

You will have exactly one chance go get this right. You take a deep breath. 

Then you surge to your feet, dragging Sollux with you by the horns. You whirl, keeping him squarely in front of you; curl him over your cocoon; and shove him face-first into the sopor slime. 

There is a muffled boom from within the cocoon, then blessed silence. A few bubbles rise to the surface of the slime and pop. Sollux goes limp. 

Then he starts to struggle. You brace your forearms against the cocoon’s entrance and hold him down. You wait until his fighting takes on a trace of desperation; only when he writhes against you and his claws gouge the corrugated exterior of your cocoon as they skitter across it do you let him up for air. Even then, you remain poised to shove him right back in if the need arises. 

Sollux surfaces, coughing and gasping and spitting out sopor slime. Mercifully, the fireworks don’t pick up where they left off; but he is still panicked, still trying to choke out more madness even though he has barely gotten his breath back. 

“Don’t!” you bark. You prevent him from straightening by grabbing a fistful of his hair and leaning on him with all of your body weight. You hold his head near the surface of the sopor slime. “Here! Drink this,” you command, scooping a handful of slime up with your free hand and bringing it to his lips. You are not above taking a leaf out of Gamzee’s book in an emergency. 

To your immense relief, he obeys your command consumes it without protest. You feed him half a dozen more swallows before you decide it’s enough. Sollux already seems marginally calmer; at least he is no longer trying to escape. You cautiously relax your grip on his hair. When he doesn’t do anything alarming, you let go of him entirely and sag against your cocoon. For a moment, both of you stay there, clinging to the side of your cocoon and panting. 

You glance at him sidelong as you recover. It looks like the sopor is already hitting him, if you’re any judge. He’s staring with unfocused eyes into the red and yellow whorls of blood marring the bright green slime’s surface, transferred there from his face. Excess sopor is slowly dripping off the tip of his nose. 

Once your blood pusher is no longer hammering like it’s making a bid to burst from your thorax, you straighten and snag your slime towel from the foot of the cocoon. “Close your eyes,” you order tersely. He turns and blinks at you owlishly, and you instinctively recoil from being in the path of his gaze. “Don’t look at me!” You grab one of his horns and roughly twist his pan the other direction, and he lets out a half-hearted little whimper in response. “Hold still.” 

You try to use the towel to wipe the thick, green residue from his skin. But the moment you inadvertently put pressure on his cheek, he loses his balance. He reaches out blindly and manages to grab the rim of the cocoon, which sends his torso swinging around until his back impacts its side. You make a grab for him as he loses his grip entirely, but you aren’t quick enough to stop him from sliding down the outside of the cocoon and sprawling across the floor in an ungainly heap. 

He rolls over and manages to get himself propped up on his elbows as you kneel next to him. “Let’s try this one more time.” You grab a handful of his hair to immobilize him and quickly towel his face clean of sopor slime and blood, both his and yours. 

When you finish, his eyes flutter open. You dive aside in alarm; you are far from convinced that it is safe to be in the crosshairs of his gaze. 

“Wait, don’t go!” He reaches after you in panicked desperation. “Don’t leave me alone with them! KK, I can’t – “

“I’m not going anywhere!” you snap back at him. You duck behind him and lean back against your cocoon, then grab his shoulders and haul him into a sitting position. He is docile now and doesn’t fight you as you pull him back against you. You secure him with one arm around his waist and position his head carefully on your shoulder so that his eyes are directed away from you. “Close your eyes,” you murmur, using your free hand to gently coax his eyelids down. You keep the hand there, holding him lightly in place. If he goes completely shithive maggots on you again, at least you’re only going to lose a few prongs. 

“KK!” Sollux clutches at the arm around his waist with both hands. “KK, don’t you understand?” he wails. “Closing my eyes doesn’t stop me from seeing _anything!”_ Then he dissolves into tears. 

“Sollux – oh God, Sollux, just hang on!” you tell him. “You’ll be calm soon!” You hope. 

His fingers wind tightly into yours, and you squeeze his hand fiercely in return. “There’s so much death,” he moans weakly in between shuddering sobs. “It’s – everywhere – we’re all doomed, and there’s nothing we can do about it! Why does it have to be like this? KK, why?” He shivers miserably against you. “Why do I have to listen to it all the time? Why can’t I stop – hearing it – “ His voice is getting less intelligible as his sobs strengthen, but he manages one more coherent question before the tears take over. He says, “KK, why do I always have to live like this?” 

Then no more words. Just tears. An ocean of yellow tears pours through your fingers and down his cheeks as he weeps; nconsolate, agonized, desperate tears. He is breaking right in front of your very eyes, and you are watching it happen. 

And you are sickeningly unable to do anything about it. Because what can you possibly do? What can you, I Vantas, do to stop your best friend from feeling as awful as he does right now? It doesn’t matter what’s real and what’s not; it’s all real to him. He’s facing his own death and the end of everything he knows and cares about. What do you say to that? “Everything is going to be all right”? That’s a laugh. “Don’t worry, I’m here”? Yeah, right. As if your presence is worth a damn to him right now. What help are you against his imminent doom? Against the end of the world? Against the searing agony his own brain perpetrates on him every day? 

None, that’s what. You are absolutely, utterly, completely useless. You can say nothing, you can do nothing, you _are_ nothing. So you just sit where you are and choke silently on your own impotence while he weeps the soul-wrenching tears of the utterly hopeless into your hands.


	17. Chapter 17

Time passes. Sollux’s wracking sobs gradually decrease in intensity and eventually subside entirely. His death grip on your hand loosens, and he goes limp against you. For long seconds he is still but for the steady rise and fall of his shoulders. You begin to wonder if he has fallen asleep.

Then you feel his lashes brush across your palm as he opens his eyes. “K,” he says weakly. “KK.” He gropes after your hand in order to pull it away from his eyes, and you let him, judging the threat to be over. He grabs your knee and starts squirming around to face you. You lift your arms to hover over his shoulders, poised to assist, but you aren’t sure quite what he’s trying to do. His movements are clumsy and uncoordinated, and you estimate he’s half-conscious at best. The sopor slime is doing its job. 

Then his hand slips off of your knee. His head thumps into your chest and slides sideways, and he gives up. He goes limp against you, head resting in the crook of your elbow, legs tangled with yours, one arm twisted up underneath him in a manner that looks anything but comfortable. You manage to get your hands under his arms and pull him up so that his head is resting against your chest and you can support his back with one knee. This looks a lot more natural, even though his legs still trail out awkwardly between yours. 

“KK,” He says, tugging urgently at the fabric of your shirt. 

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, pull up your other knee and rest your head atop his, enclosing his upper half in what you hope will feel like a warm, dark, protective cocoon. “What is it?” you murmur. 

“KK, when I die for the last time, it will be a lot like this.” His words come out slowly and a little bit slurred, and the lisp is more pronounced than usual. “More blood, though…mine, I mean, not yours…” He trails off for a few seconds. “But you’ll be here with me, just like this. You’ll hold me…” He shifts again and tilts his head upwards, and you straighten just enough to give him space to lift his head and meet your gaze. Soft red and blue haze trails out of the corners of his eyes right now, an effect you have never seen before. 

“I can’t see anything past that.” He chuckles weakly. “Eheheh, I guess because I’m dead then? It makes sense….” He sighs softly. “Do you think…when that day comes, do you think anyone will cry?” 

“Of course they will,” you snarl. “What kind of a question even is that?” 

He keeps going without a break, seemingly oblivious to your comment. “Or do you think everyone will be like, “Oh look, that stupid mutant with the two idiotic colors is finally dead, it’s about time someone put him out of his fucking misery…isn’t it amazing how much everybody fucking hated him…isn’t it so great that we don’t have to pretend – “”

“Shut the hell up!” you shout, punching him in the shoulder. “Nobody thinks that!” 

He blinks at you owlishly as he tries to focus on you. “KK.” He sounds vaguely startled, as though he had entirely forgotten about your presence. He frowns when he sees the tears in your eyes. “No…no…” He frees one hand to weave uncertainly to your cheek and wipe them away. “It’s not sad, KK,” he says. “Don’t be sad.” 

“Yes it is sad!” you exclaim. “This is the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life!” 

“No,” he shakes his head. “You don’t understand. It’s a good thing. That day, when I finally die…it will be the happiest day of my life.” 

You stare at him in horrified incomprehension. “How can you say that?” you hiss, a fresh wave of tears springing to your eyes. 

“Because.” He smiles at you, and his expression is momentarily clear of all the storminess and torment that have plagued him all evening. For a moment, he is completely at peace. “That day, I will finally be free,” he breathes. 

Then his eyes flutter shut and he goes limp in your arms. 

“No, don’t say that,” you plead frantically. “Don’t you dare talk like that! Take it back!” You shake him once, hard. “You fucking take it back, do you hear me?” 

No response. He’s out. 

“God damn it, Captor!” you sob. “You piece of shit!” Now it’s your turn to weep. You tighten your arms around him and bring your face close to his, your teeth bared in a silent scream of frustration and heartbreak. You wail mutely that you will take half the pain for him so that he doesn’t have to bear it alone, that you would do _anything_ to keep him from having to feel this way anymore. You soundlessly shriek out your fury and disgust and self-loathing over your own pathetic ineptitude, over being unable to do anything at all to help. Salty red droplets flow freely down your cheeks to splatter into Sollux’s hair as you cry yourself out. 


	18. Chapter 18

Your fit is much less protracted and spectacular than his was; you don’t have that luxury. You can’t afford for both of you to be useless, blubbering messes. Somebody’s got to stay in control here, and it sure as hell isn’t about to be him. 

You fight to pull yourself together, urging your blood pusher to slow down and trying to even out your shuddering breaths. At first it’s nearly impossible; every time you start to make progress, one of the myriad of upsetting events that transpired tonight flashes through your mind and sets you off again. You do your best to shove any and all thoughts out of your head, leaving your sponge blank and placid. It’s a tricky mental balancing act, but it helps; your tears trickle to a halt and you are finally able to catch your breath. 

You breathe a small sigh of relief. You are out of the woods. You honestly believe that, and you keep on believing that right up to the moment when you make the mistake of lifting your head. 

You immediately gasp and stiffen, staring wild-eyed around the block at the devastation that has been wrought upon your hive. Blood, sopor slime, scorch marks, debris…it’s too much. You can’t deal with this right now, you can’t even think about this right now. The tears are threatening again and your hands are starting to shake; this only promises to get worse. 

You need to talk to someone. Anyone. It doesn’t matter who; you just need someone to remind you that there’s still a sane world lying somewhere outside of these four walls. 

You hurriedly prop Sollux against the side of your cocoon. Then you dash across the room and throw yourself into your computer station chair.

  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: HEY.  
CG: SOLLUX IS FREAKING OUT.   
GC: R344444LLY??   
GC: SO WH4T 3LS3 1S N3W? >;]  
CG: NO.   
CG: NO, I DON’T MEAN HIS USUAL ANTICS.   
CG: I’M TALKING A SERIOUS SHITHIVE MAGGOTS MELTDOWN OVER HERE.   
CG: IT’S A FREAKOUT SO MAJOR, IT MAKES ALL HIS PREVIOUS DRAMA LOOK LIKE A WALK IN THE COMMUNAL RECREATION LAWNRING.   
GC: WH4TS GO1NG ON?   
CG: I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S GOING ON.   
CG: WHAT’S GOING ON IS THIS.   
CG: OKAY SO  
CG: WELL  
CG: MAN.   
CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.   
GC: >:|  
GC: TH4T W4SNT 3X4CTLY 4N 4NSW3R  
CG: OKAY, I KNOW THAT, IT’S JUST THAT TODAY HAS BEEN A REALLY LONG AND FUCKED UP DAY FULL OF UNSPEAKABLE BULLSHIT.   
CG: THAT’S WHAT TODAY HAS BEEN.   
GC: W3LL, UNSP34K4BL3 OR NOT, 1TS H4RD FOR M3 TO KNOW WH4TS GO1NG ON 1F YOU R3FUS3 TO SP34K 4BOUT 1T!   
CG: I’M NOT REFUSING, WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT REFUSING.   
CG: I’M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO SAY, IS THAT SO HARD TO FUCKING ACCEPT.   
GC: *S1111111GH*  
GC: F1111111N3  
GC: 1 C4NT 3V3N S33 SOLLUX ONL1N3 R1GHT NOW, D1D H3 BLOCK M3 FOR SOM3 R34SON?? >:[  
CG: WHAT.   
CG: NO, HE’S NOT ONLINE.   
CG: HE’S HERE.   
CG: AND HE’S FREAKING OUT, DID I MENTION THE PART ABOUT FREAKING OUT.   
GC: H3 1S TH3R3 1N YOUR H1V3?   
GC: W3LL 1 GU3SS TH4T 3XPL41NS WHY H3 H4SN’T 4NSW3R3D 4NY OF MY M3SS4G3S FOR TH3 P4ST THR33 D4YS >:\  
GC: SO DO3S TH4T M34N YOU GUYS 4R3 H4V1NG ON3 OF YOUR ROM4NT1C MOV13 P4RT13S TO C3L3BR4T3 H1S WR1GGL1NG D4Y?   
GC: >;]  
CG: WHAT, NO.   
CG: HE HASN’T BEEN HERE FOR THREE DAYS, HE WAS IGNORING MY MESSAGES TOO.   
CG: LIKE A DOUCHE.   
CG: HE JUST SHOWED UP HERE UNANNOUNCED THIS AFTERNOON.   
CG: AND NO, WATCHING ROMCOMS WASN’T EXACTLY ON THE AGENDA TODAY.   
GC: K4RK4T, HOW COM3 YOU N3V3R 1NV1T3 M3 TO ON3 OF YOUR ROM4NT1C MOV13 P4RT13S, HMMMMMMMMMM??? >;]  
GC: OR WOULD 1T SPO1L TH3 MOOD FOR YOU 4ND SOLLUX 1F SOM3ON3 3LS3 W4S TH3R3 >;]  
GC: 1 WOULDNT W4NT TO 1NTRUD3 ON YOUR SP3C14L PR1V4T3 T1M3 TOG3TH3R >;]  
GC: >;] >;] >;]  
CG: WHOA WAIT, WHAT.   
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.   
CG: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, I DON’T WANT YOU LICKING MY MOVIE SCREEN.   
CG: IT’S FUCKING DISGUSTING.   
CG: AND SECOND, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS CONVERSATION ISN’T ABOUT?   
CG: THAT THING YOU JUST INSINUATED.   
CG: I CAN HANG OUT WITH MY GOOD BRO SOLLUX ALONE IF I WANT, THERE’S NOTHING WEIRD ABOUT THAT.   
CG: WHAT WE DO TOGETHER IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.   
GC: >:O  
CG: I MEAN IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BECAUSE IT’S UNREMARKABLE.   
CG: IT’S JUST NORMAL THINGS THAT TWO TROLL BROS DO, NOT EVEN WORTH TALKING ABOUT.   
GC: H3H3H3H3!   
GC: TH4T W4S UNN3C3SS4R1LY D3F3NS1V3, 4ND SOM3WH4T 1NTR1GU1NG!   
GC: 3X4CTLY WH4T UNR3M4RK4BL3 TH1NGS H4V3 YOU TWO B33N DO1NG TOD4Y??   
CG: GOD DAMN IT.   
CG: LOOK, I’M UP TO MY BULGE IN A REALLY FUCKING SERIOUS SITUATION OVER HERE, OKAY?   
CG: I’M COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.   
CG: SO COULD YOU PLEASE JUST FOCUS ON THINGS THAT AREN’T TEXTBOOK EXAMPLES OF MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT FOR FIVE SECONDS HERE.   
CG: BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD PROBABLY BE MORE ENJOYABLE TO BLUDGEON MY LOBE STEM WITH A BLUNT OBJECT, I COULD ACTUALLY USE YOUR HELP RIGHT NOW.   
GC: >:]  
GC: 1 KNOW, YOU 4R3 1N D3SP3R4T3 N33D OF MY GU1D4NC3  
GC: 1 ST1LL DONT TH1NK YOUR3 T3LL1NG M3 TH3 WHOL3 STORY, BUT 1 W1LL M4GN4N1MOUSLY OV3RLOOK TH4T 4ND MOV3 ON 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF H3LP1NG 4 FR13ND  
CG: THANK YOU.   
GC: 1 M34NT H1M, NOT YOU >;]  
CG: OH.   
CG: GEE THANKS.   
GC: CH1LL OUT, 1T W4S 4 JOK3 STUP1D >:\  
GC: T3LL M3 WH4T 1S GO1NG ON OV3R TH3R3  
GC: OTH3R TH4N TH3 COMPROM1S1NG TH1NGS YOU DONT W4NT M3 TO KNOW 4BOUT, 1 W1LL US3 MY 1M4G1N4T1ON TO F1LL 1N THOS3 D3T41LS >;]  
CG: FUCK YOU.   
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT ANYMORE, HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THAT.   
GC: BL44444R K4RK4T QU1T B31NG SUCH 4 W1GGL3R 4ND T3LL M3  
CG: OKAY FINE.   
CG: FOR THE RECORD, THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO DO SINCE THIS CONVERSATION STARTED, BUT WHATEVER.   
GC: 1F YOU S4Y SO >:\  
CG: SHUT UP.   
CG: BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENED IS  
CG: WELL  
CG: SHENANIGANS.   
CG: SHENANIGANS HAPPENED.   
GC: >:[  
CG: AND THEN SOLLUX TOTALLY LOST HIS SHIT.   
CG: IT WAS LIKE FUCKING 12TH PERIGEE’S EVE UP IN HERE, AND HE WAS THE LIGHT SHOW.   
CG: THERE’S A CRACK IN THE SIDE OF MY HIVE BIGGER THAN I AM.   
CG: HE ALMOST TOOK ME OUT TOO, GOD, I MEAN IF I HAD JUST BEEN A LITTLE BIT TO MY LEFT.   
CG: SO NOW I’M JUST SITTING HERE WATCHING THE GREEN MOON THROUGH THE HUGE FUCKING BLAST HOLE AND TRYING NOT TO PANIC.   
GC: >:O  
GC: K4RK4T 4R3 YOU OK4Y???   
CG: I DON’T KNOW, I THINK MY NOSE MIGHT BE BROKEN.   
GC: 4R3 YOU S3R1OUS??   
GC: HOW D1D TH4T H4PP3N???   
CG: THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT.   
CG: IT’LL BE HEALED IN A DAY OR TWO ANYWAY, I’M ACTUALLY MORE WORRIED ABOUT HIM ON THAT FRONT.   
GC: 1S H3 HURT TOO??   
CG: I DON’T KNOW, IS IT POSSIBLE FOR HIM TO BURN OUT.   
GC: >:?  
CG: LIKE FROM USING HIS MIND POWERS TOO MUCH OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.   
GC: 1M NOT SUR3  
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK TH4T 1F H3 H4D COMPL3T3LY LOST CONTROL, TH3N YOU WOULDNT B3 T4LK1NG TO M3 R1GHT NOW >:\  
CG: MAN, YOU’RE ONLY SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU CAN’T SEE WHAT MY HIVE LOOKS LIKE.   
CG: IT COULDN’T POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN MUCH WORSE THAN IT ALREADY FUCKING WAS.   
GC: 1M NOT SO SUR3 4BOUT TH4T  
GC: WH4T 1S H3 DO1NG NOW, D1D YOU M4N4G3 TO C4LM H1M DOWN?   
CG: WELL RIGHT NOW HE’S ASLEEP.   
CG: SORT OF.   
CG: OKAY, MAYBE MORE LIKE PASSED OUT.   
GC: >:?  
CG: I KIND OF FORCE FED HIM SOME SOPOR SLIME.   
GC: PFF444H4H4H4H4 YOU D1D WH4T?? >XD  
GC: 1S G4MZ33 RUBB1NG OFF ON YOU NOW??   
GC: 4R3 YOU T4K1NG R3L4X4T1ON L3SSONS FROM H1M OR SOM3TH1NG  
GC: C4N W3 3XP3CT TO S33 4 C4LM, NON-SHOUTY K4RK4T ON3 OF TH3S3 D4YS? HMM? >;]  
CG: DAMN IT NO.   
CG: FUCK THAT.   
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE I BAKED IT IN A STUPID PIE TIN THE WAY THAT IDIOT DOES.   
CG: I JUST NEEDED TO CALM MY GOOD FRIEND DOWN AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW ELSE TO DO IT.   
GC: YOU M34N YOU G4V3 1T TO H1M R4W?   
CG: YEAH.   
CG: WHY, IS THAT IMPORTANT.   
CG: DOES IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE WHETHER IT’S COOKED OR NOT.   
GC: 1 TH1NK TH4T 1S 4 CR1T1C4L QU3ST1ON TO 4SK!   
GC: PR3F3R4BLY B3FOR3 YOU DOS3 4 FR13ND W1TH 1T R4TH3R TH4N 4FT3RW4RDS >:\  
CG: OH WELL EXCUSE ME FOR NOT STOPPING TO PONDER THE FINER POINTS OF SOPOR SLIME CONSUMPTION WHILE MY BEST FRIEND SLICED HOLES THROUGH MY HIVE WALLS WITH HIS FREAKY MUTANT DEATH GAZE.   
CG: IT WAS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY, I DIDN’T HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF FUCKING OPTIONS.   
CG: SO WHAT’S THE ANSWER, DOES IT MATTER.   
GC: 1 DONT KNOW! 4SK G4MZ33  
GC: 1F 4NYBODY KNOWS THOS3 F1N3R PO1NTS OF SOPOR SL1M3 CONSUMPT1ON TH4T YOU JUST M3NT1ON3D, 1T WOULD B3 H1M!   
CG: MAN, NO WAY.   
CG: TALKING TO THAT DUMB FUCK IS THE LAST THING I NEED ON MY NUTRITION PLATEAU RIGHT NOW.   
CG: I CAN’T HANDLE THAT ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE.   
GC: >:\  
CG: HEY CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING.   
GC: SUR3  
CG: YOU’RE SIX, RIGHT?   
GC: Y3S, 1 TURN3D S1X L4ST P3R1G33, YOU 4LR34DY KNOW TH4T  
CG: DID ANYTHING HAPPEN ON YOUR WRIGGLING DAY?   
GC: >:?  
GC: TH1NGS H4PP3N 3V3RY D4Y, COULD YOU B3 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 SP3C1F1C?   
CG: I MEAN ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT. SOMETHING THAT REALLY STOOD OUT.  
GC: W3LL  
GC: 1 H4D 4 LOT OF STR4NG3 DR34MS, 4ND 1 C4NT SH4K3 TH3 F33L1NG TH4T TH3Y W1LL TURN OUT TO B3 V3RY 1MPORT4NT SOM3 D4Y  
GC: BUT R1GHT NOW TH3Y 4R3 JUST K1ND OF MYST3R1OUS  
GC: 4LSO, 4 C3RT41N SOM3ON3 TR13D TO GO4D M3 1NTO BR34K1NG 4 C3RT41N TRUC3, BUT TH4TS NOTH1NG N3W! >:[  
CG: SO, NO ALTERNIA-SHAKING REVELATIONS OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?   
GC: NO, NOT R34LLY >:\  
GC: WHY?   
CG: OH, IT’S JUST SOMETHING SOLLUX SAID DURING HIS LOONEYBLOCK RAVING.   
CG: ABOUT WHAT PROMPTED THIS WHOLE MESS.   
CG: HE WAS GOING ON AND ON ABOUT BEING A BLIND PROPHET AND HOW THE WORLD IS GOING TO END AND A BUNCH OF OTHER MORBID, GLOOMY SHIT.   
GC: BUT SOLLUX 1SNT BL1ND >:?  
CG: I KNOW RIGHT, IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE.   
GC: ST1LL THOUGH, YOU S41D H3 M3NT1ON3D TH3 3ND OF TH3 WORLD?   
CG: YEAH, MORE THAN MENTIONED.   
CG: MORE LIKE, HE WENT ON ABOUT IT AT LENGTH.   
CG: IT’S RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, ACCORDING TO HIM.   
GC: HMMMMMM   
GC: TH4T 1S V3RY 1NT3R3ST1NG  
CG: INTERESTING.   
CG: HOW IS THAT INTERESTING.   
CG: THAT IS BULLSHIT MANIAC TALK FROM A MUTANT WHOSE FUCKED UP BRAIN FINALLY GOT THE BETTER OF HIM.   
CG: SURELY YOU CAN’T BE TAKING ANY PART OF THAT SERIOUSLY.   
CG: I MEAN I KNOW YOU’RE A PSYCHO BLIND GIRL WHO LIVES IN A TREE AND ALL, BUT EVEN YOU AREN’T MAGGOTS ENOUGH FOR THAT.   
GC: W3LL, 1M NOT SUR3 WH4T 1 B3L13V3 Y3T!   
CG: OH MY GOD IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING, ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE GOING CRAZY AT THE SAME TIME.   
CG: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOU EVEN ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT OF CONSIDERING THE OPTION OF TAKING HIM SERIOUSLY.   
GC: 1T 1S JUST SOM3 OF TH3 TH1NGS MY LUSUS H4S B33N DR34M1NG 4BOUT L4T3LY   
CG: YOU MEAN  
CG: THE LUSUS YOU DON’T HAVE???   
GC: Y3S, 3X4CTLY >:]  
CG: GOOD, PERFECT, THAT MADE TOTAL SENSE AND EXPLAINED EVERYTHING, THANK YOU SO MUCH.   
GC: H3H3H3 YOUR3 W3LCOM3!   
CG: UGH, I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW, I’VE HAD ALL THE SENSELESS IDIOCY I CAN HANDLE FOR ONE DAY.   
CG: THIS IS ARADIA’S DOING, I JUST KNOW IT IS.   
GC: WHY WOULD YOU BL4M3 H3R?   
CG: BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW SHE IS.   
CG: ALWAYS BEING SPOOKY AND TALKING ABOUT DEPRESSING THINGS AND HER STUPID VOICES.   
CG: AND SOLLUX LISTENS TO HER, BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING IDIOT WHO LOVES TO WALLOW IN GLOOM AND DOOM AND SELF-PITY.   
CG: HE PRACTICALLY GETS OFF ON IT.   
CG: YOU’VE EXPERIENCED HIS MELODRAMATIC BULLSHIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT.   
GC: Y3S, H3 DO3S T3ND TO BLOW TH1NGS OUT OF PROPORT1ON SOM3T1M3S  
CG: WELL ISN’T THAT JUST THE FUCKING UNDERSTATEMENT OF A LIFETIME.   
CG: HE SEIZES ON EVERY LITTLE NEGATIVE THING LIKE IT’S THE WORLD’S LAST FLOTATION OVERGARMENT AND HE’S STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING OCEAN.   
CG: AND THEN HE JUST REFUSES TO LET GO.   
CG: AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING EARLIER TODAY, THROWING ALL THESE PARANOID, FATALISTIC THEATRICS AT ME WHEN ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TO GET HIM OFF.   
GC: >8O  
GC: PFFFFFF44444H4H4H4H4H4H4444H4H4H4H4H3H3H3H3!!!   
CG: WAIT  
CG: WHAT DID I JUST   
CG: FUCK  
CG: GET HIM OFF OF THE SUBJECT.   
GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!! >XD  
CG: ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS TO GET HIM OFF OF THE SUBJECT.   
CG: THAT’S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY.   
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!! >XD  
CG: GOD DAMN IT WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!   
GC: K4RK4444T >XD  
GC: YOU C4N TH1NK 4BOUT G3TT1NG SOLLUX 1NTO 1N4PPROPR14T3 POS1T1ONS 4LL YOU L1K3, BUT PL34S3 4T L34ST TRY TO K33P TH4T SC4ND4LOUS 1M4G3RY 1N YOUR TH1NK P4N WH3R3 1T B3LONGS!   
CG: GOD DAMN IT.   
CG: LOOK, THAT WASN’T WHAT THAT WAS.   
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, CAN WE PLEASE JUST STAY ON TRACK HERE.   
GC: 1 4M TRY1NG, YOU 4R3 TH3 ON3 WHO 1S D3R41L1NG TH1NGS W1TH YOUR F4NT4S13S! >;]  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.   
CG: THE POINT IS  
CG: UGH  
CG: WHAT EVEN IS THE POINT I’M TRYING TO MAKE.   
CG: WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT, I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.   
GC: 4R4D14!   
CG: OH RIGHT.   
CG: YEAH.   
CG: OKAY, THE POINT IS, I’M SURE ARADIA PROMPTED THIS SOMEHOW BY CONVINCING HIM THAT THESE RIDICULOUS PROPHECIES ARE TRUE.   
CG: HE SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO TALK TO HER FOR THE SAKE OF HIS OWN SANITY.   
GC: WH4T DO3S SH3 H4V3 TO S4Y ON TH3 M4TT3R?   
CG: HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW.   
CG: I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO HER, IT’S TOO DEPRESSING.   
GC: >:|  
GC: K4RK4T, WHY 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO M3 R1GHT NOW?   
CG: WHAT.   
CG: I DON’T KNOW, BECAUSE I’M A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT APPARENTLY.   
CG: WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT.   
GC: >:\  
GC: TH3R3 1S SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO T3LL YOU, BUT 1 TH1NK 1T W1LL B3 MOR3 PRODUCT1V3 TO DO 1T 4 L1TTL3 L4T3R  
GC: F1RST YOU H4V3 TO M4K3 SUR3 TH4T SOLLUX 1S OK4Y 4ND YOU D1DNT 1N4DV3RT3NTLY PO1SON H1M OR SOM3TH1NG W1TH YOUR STUP1D R4W SOPOR SL1M3 STUNT  
GC: YOU C4N G3T B4CK TO M3 WH3N YOU H4V3 TH1NGS 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 UND3R CONTROL  
CG: OH GREAT, SO YOU’RE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME HANGING.   
CG: THANKS FOR ALL THE WORTHWHILE ADVICE.   
CG: IT’S BEEN AWESOME, LET’S DO THIS AGAIN SOME TIME.   
CG: I DEFINITELY KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION NOW.   
GC: H3H3H3  
GC: M4K3 SUR3 YOU T4LK TO 4R4D14 4ND G4MZ33 B3FOR3 YOU BOTH3R M3 4G41N   
GC: >:]  
CG: ):B  
GC: <3  
CG: <3<  
GC: H3H3H3 BY3333! >;]

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat's last emote is supposed to be a spade, not a heart. I cannot for the life of me figure out how to make AO3 display it properly. If you happen to know how to fix this, please let me know. Thanks!
> 
> edit: Thanks to complexQuanta for figuring out the solution! :D


	19. Chapter 19

You push back from your computer station angrily and pound the desk with your fist. Mind games from a Scourge Sister; why are you even surprised? There was no way you were going to get a straight answer out of her, that’s obvious in retrospect. You don’t know why you even bothered trolling her in the first place. You were just really freaked out, and the next thing you knew, you were embroiled in one of those inane verbal dances that passes for a conversation with Terezi. Worse, you can’t shake the feeling that she saw right through you. Why was it her name you clicked on? Apparently your instincts decided now would be a good time to deliver a nice, swift kick to the bone bulge.

But despite the frustrating nature of that interaction, you have calmed down considerably. You are no longer on the verge of panic, and your whirling thoughts have returned to something resembling normal. You feel like you are ready to do something productive instead of crying and flipping your shit and babbling to Terezi like a fucking idiot. 

You stand and immediately wince as the movement causes your nose to throb painfully. That needs to be your first priority; otherwise it could heal crooked. 

You trek up the two flights of stairs to your ablution block and force your arm into the small space between the counter and the wall to rummage around awkwardly for your hive’s sole mirror. This is where it usually lives; you hate your reflection. Your questing prongs finally reach the edge of the mirror, and you roll it out into the open and hoist it into the air. 

You almost drop it in astonishment when you catch the first glimpse of yourself in it. Your face is covered in dried red tears. You’ve still got traces of yellow blood and green sopor slime on you; you were nowhere near as thorough in cleaning yourself up as you were with Sollux. Your hair is all over the place. Your shirt is torn to shreds. And, worst of all, your mutant crimson blood is just splashed everywhere; you’ve never seen anything like it. It’s on your shirt, your skin, your face, your hair; all in all, it is a completely revolting and shameful display. 

God, are you ever glad that Terezi couldn’t see you when you talked. You suppose you should be consoling yourself over all the stupid shit that you let slip to her with the knowledge that no matter what she thinks happened here tonight, it is probably nowhere near as incriminating as the truth. 

You wrestle the mirror onto its hook on the wall and inspect your nose critically. Yep – that’s broken all right. 

You clasp the crooked appendage between the heels of your hands, hissing in pain as you carefully adjust your grip. You swallow hard and close your eyes for a moment as you steel yourself for what has to happen next. Then you take a deep breath, set your shoulders determinedly and _snap_ your nose back into place with one firm motion. 

The pain is unbearable. You scream and put your fist through the wall a half a dozen times as a fresh wave of blood bursts forth and cascades down your chin. It’s worse this time around than it was when he broke it in the first place, and it feels like an eternity before the agony begins to recede. You are left panting and shaky, clinging to the countertop so tightly that your claws have gouged fresh holes into its surface. 

That was the end of the mirror. You give yourself a jaundiced gaze in one of the few reflective pieces remaining in the frame to confirm that your nose is, indeed, set correctly. Then you spend a few seconds plucking shards of glass out of your mangled knuckles. 

Now that your nose has been dealt with, you assess your other injuries. Most of them were relatively minor cuts and bruises that have already healed into near-invisibility, but the notable exception is that pair of slashes on your wrist where Sollux’s horns sliced through your flesh like a culling fork. They haven’t closed over yet and are still dripping crimson blood in a steady stream. You dig some gauze out of the back of your ablution cabinet and bandage your forearm, a task that turns out to be surprisingly tricky to perform; you end up having to use your teeth to hold the end of the gauze in place while you wrap it around the limb. It comes out looking like a wiggler’s bad craft project, but it gets the job done. 

You then hurry back downstairs to check on Sollux. You find him sleeping fitfully in the middle of your respiteblock floor where you left him, and you kneel next to him carefully to avoid waking him. 

His most serious injury is that bite you took out of his shoulder. It’s a pretty nasty wound, and you feel terrible about that now; it’s hard for you not to avert your gaze, knowing that you’re the one that put it there. 

In order to bandage it, you’re going to have to get him out of his shirt. 

You bite your lip and sternly remind yourself that this is about dressing a wound, _not_ about undressing him. You don’t so much take his shirt off as pull a few remaining tattered pieces of fabric away from his arm and chest. You have to turn him sideways and lift him partially onto your lap to get the bandage underneath his shoulder. To your immense relief, he barely even stirs as you use the remainder of the gauze to wrap his wound. When you are finished, you put his shirt back on as best you can and lay him back down on the floor. 

That’s what you should do, anyway. What you actually do is continue to hold him where he is, half-shirtless and partially on your lap, and lean in to bring your face close to his. You pick up his scent, and your eyes flutter shut of their own accord. Is that a trace of what you smelled earlier when he was in full submission for you? Or is that wishful thinking? 

You had the chance to take him. To make him yours. You could have mixed colors with him any way you wanted, _every_ way you wanted, whatever whim crossed your mind. That was your prerogative as the winner of the mating fight, in addition to the genetic advantage that it brings. 

Yet somehow, you didn’t. 

You open your eyes, and your breath hitches at the sight of him. He is…he is so much more beautiful than you ever realized. From his long lashes to his delicate features to his slender frame, he is _perfect_ to be your matesprit. Perfect to be pinned beneath you, oozing submission. The way he is now, eyes closed, limp, helpless and completely at your mercy, reminds you powerfully of that moment. You bring one hand up to hover over his lips, not quite touching the thin, barely-visible yellow line that marks the spot where you first broke his skin at the beginning of all of this. 

You want to do it again. You want to sink your teeth into him and see the yellow blood well up and out, to follow its path with your tongue. It fills you with an intense, aching desire. You want to touch him so badly that you can barely breathe, so badly that it _hurts._

And you hate yourself for it. Because this is your best friend, passed out, potentially poisoned, and definitely in the midst of a complete mental breakdown, and all you can think about is sex. You have got to be the worst grubfucker on the planet. What kind of person even has thoughts like these? This is far worse than what Sollux did when he jumped you inappropriately into the caliginous quadrant. At this point, there’s no way you can believe you are anything short of a complete shithead. 

You grit your teeth so hard they ache and fight the magnetic pull he has on you. Inch by inch you lay him down, cover his bare shoulder, sit up, pull your hands away. You pretend like all you were doing was checking his vitals, even though you know better. Yes, he’s still breathing, his blood pusher’s still going strong. He doesn’t look like he’s succumbing to poisoning, sopor-related or otherwise. 

You suppose it’s safe to leave the room for a few minutes. Also, it is probably necessary before you do something completely despicable. 

You trudge back up to your ablution block and glare when you see the mess of broken glass and blood covering the counter and floor. You kick some of the shards aside to create a clear patch and begin peeling off your own ruined clothing. You pull away your shirt to reveal more red blood on your back and chest; you are covered in a fine network of little red cuts and claw marks. The shirt itself you discard down the waste chute; it’s a lost cause. You shed your shoes, your socks, your pants and finally your underwear. There’s more red there, the most shameful stuff of all. You throw those away, too. 

Then you step into the trap and take a quick shower. At least, that is your intention. But in reality it degenerates into a marathon wank-fest. You hate yourself a little bit more with every passing second, but you can’t stop. You clearly committed some sort of gross violation of natural law when you broke things off right at the brink earlier; your body has yet to settle down in certain notable and extremely mortifying ways that you have been trying very hard not to acknowledge up until now. Certain expectations were set, and you are powerless to keep from following through. 

So that is exactly what you do; you dump more loads of red down the trap drain while you picture all of the things you _would_ have done to Sollux if you weren’t a spineless, soggy nook who lost his nerve at the last second. 

Some time and a lot of shame later, you get out and dry yourself off. You are so exhausted you can barely keep your eyes open; it takes all of your energy to pull on a fresh set of clothes. You head back downstairs, anxious that Sollux might have awoken while you were away, but he’s still lying in the exact same position. 

You eye your cocoon longingly, but ultimately decide to forego it. You just know that you’ll be insensate the moment your head hits the sopor slime, and that doesn’t seem like a bright idea when Sollux is in such a potentially fragile state. So instead, you lie down perpendicular to him and rest your head on his stomach. This way, if he moves or stops breathing or does anything else alarming, you’ll know right away. 

Then you close your eyes and do your best to get some sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

You abandon the endeavor of sleeping after an hour or two of flitting in and out of uneasy dreams filled with screaming trolls, blood and death. You sit up and groan as you bring a hand to your aching think pan. You feel almost more exhausted than when you first lay down.

You roll to your hands and knees and look Sollux over. He looks a little better than he did last night; some of the cuts and bruises have vanished. He’s healing. You decide to let him keep on sleeping for awhile. He could use the rest, and you, meanwhile, have a skeletal fragment to pick with someone. 

You cross your block and take a seat at your computer station.

  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CG: WHAT THE HELL YOU HAVE YOU BEEN DOING.    
CG: TELL ME NOW, I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR ANY MORE BULLSHIT.    
AA: 0_0   
AA: what are y0u talking ab0ut   
CG: DON'T ACT LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.    
CG: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT AND PRETENDING OTHERWISE IS NOTHING BUT A PATHETICALLY TRANSPARENT ATTEMPT TO WRIGGLE OUT OF THE BLAME YOU SO OBVIOUSLY AND RICHLY DESERVE.    
CG: STOP WASTING MY TIME.    
AA: but im telling the truth   
AA: i d0nt kn0w what y0ure asking me   
CG: AARGH A;SDKLFJA;LSDFKJA;LJKDFS;LADKSFJ   
CG: OKAY COLOR ME SKEPTICAL, BUT IF YOU WANT TO PLAY THIS GAME THEN FINE, HERE GOES.    
CG: IT'S SOLLUX.    
CG: HE HAD A TOTAL FUCKING MELTDOWN OVER HERE.    
AA: 0h   
AA: im s0rry t0 hear that   
CG: OH, YOU'RE SORRY TO HEAR THAT.    
CG: IS THAT SO.    
CG: WELL THAT JUST MAKES EVERYTHING ALL BETTER.    
CG: PROBLEM SOLVED, LET'S THROW A PARADE FOR THE SPOOKY GIRL WHO IS THE SHINING HERO OF THE DAY.    
CG: DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME WHY THIS IS HAPPENING.    
CG: WHY IS MY BEST FRIEND IS RAVING ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD AND HOW WE’RE ALL ABOUT TO DIE.    
CG: AND A BUNCH OF OTHER ASSORTED GLOOMY, PARANOID BULLSHIT.    
AA: 0h   
AA: that   
CG: YES THAT.    
CG: JUST THAT MINOR LITTLE THING THAT'S PUSHED HIM INTO A COMPLETE MENTAL BREAKDOWN, NO BIG DEAL REALLY.    
AA: i am s0rry t0 hear that he is n0t taking it well   
CG: ARE THERE ANY SHREWD INSIGHTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE ABOUT WHAT INSTIGATED THIS.    
CG: ANY INSIGHTS AT ALL??    
CG: I’M WAITING WITH BATED BREATH HERE.    
AA: yes there is a simple explanati0n   
AA: that is because he has awakened as a pr0phet 0f d00m   
CG: HA.    
CG: YES, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID, TOO.    
CG: I KNEW THIS WAS YOUR FAULT.    
AA: 0_0   
AA: it is n0t my fault   
AA: it is n0 0nes fault   
AA: unless y0u want t0 blame the very f0rces that are resp0nsible f0r the perpetuati0n 0f reality itself   
CG: OH GOD, HERE WE GO.    
AA: s0llux has been destined t0 bec0me a pr0phet 0f d00m since the very creati0n 0f this universe   
AA: and he will serve in that capacity bey0nd its inevitable destructi0n as well   
AA: it is the r0le he must play in 0rder t0 bring ab0ut the chain 0f events that will ultimately link this m0ment t0 the future   
AA: this path has been ch0sen by the beings that preside 0ver the c0ntinued existence 0f parad0x space itself   
AA: i have n0 c0ntr0l 0ver them   
CG: OH FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET NOOKBITING FUCK WOULD YOU KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF.    
CG: MORE FROTHING LOONEYBLOCK NONSENSE FROM ONE OF MY PSYCHO FRIENDS, LET ME MAKE MYSELF GOOD AND COMFORTABLE FOR A NICE LONG SESSION OF LISTENING TO MORE OF THIS.    
CG: EXCEPT NOT.    
CG: I JUST KNEW THAT TALKING TO YOU WAS GOING TO BE A HUGE BULGE-WITHERING ORDEAL, AND LOOK HOW RIGHT I WAS.    
CG: WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HIM TO SET HIM OFF.    
CG: JUST SPIT IT OUT AND THEN YOU CAN GET BACK TO WHATEVER HORRENDOUSLY MORBID, DEPRESSING PASTIME YOU WERE UP TO BEFORE THIS.    
AA: it had t0 be this way   
AA: i did n0t set these events in m0ti0n i am merely playing my r0le   
AA: as we all are   
AA: even y0u have y0ur r0le t0 play karkat   
AA: and it will be a very imp0rtant 0ne   
AA: arguably 0ne 0f the m0st imp0rtant 0ut 0f all 0f 0urs   
CG: NO.    
CG: JUST NO.    
CG: FUCK THAT, AND FUCK YOU FOR SAYING THAT.    
CG: HE SAID THAT GARBAGE TOO, AND IT IS A MOUNTAIN OF FETID FUCKING BEHEMOTH LEAVINGS.    
CG: THIS IS HAPPENING BECAUSE OF THE SPOOKY CRAP YOU TWO ARE ALWAYS UP TO, NO OTHER REASON.    
CG: STOP PUTTING TERRIBLE IDEAS IN HIS HEAD.    
CG: IT MAKES YOU A TERRIBLE PERSON.    
AA: 0_0   
CG: JUST TELL HIM THAT ALL OF THIS IDIOCY ABOUT THE END OF THE WORLD ISN'T REAL.    
CG: WHEN HE WAKES UP, TELL HIM THAT HIS SO-CALLED VISIONS WERE JUST A DREAM OR SOMETHING SO THAT HE'LL SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT ALREADY.    
AA: i will n0t d0 that   
AA: i will n0t lie t0 him   
AA: everything he says is true    
AA: y0u sh0uld listen t0 him t00 s0 that y0u may be better prepared f0r what is t0 c0me   
AA: 0f c0urse i say this kn0wing full well that y0u will n0t   
AA: y0u will c0ntinue t0 ign0re the c0nfluence 0f events as they 0ccur ar0und y0u even as each subsequent predicti0n c0mes true   
AA: that will all0w y0u t0 make the critical decisi0ns that will cause all 0f the trials we must face including the great und0ing itself   
AA: and yet they are als0 necessary f0r the pr0gressi0n 0f reality   
CG: UUUUUUUUGH.    
CG: SEE, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.    
CG: THIS FATALISTIC, DREARY, PARANOID BULLSHIT, RIGHT HERE.    
CG: YOU SAY THIS SHIT AND HE JUST FEEDS OFF OF IT, AND THEN YOU FEED OFF OF HIM FEEDING OFF OF IT, AND THEN HE JUST FEEDS OFF OF IT SOME MORE.    
CG: AND THEN HE WINDS UP DEPRESSED.    
CG: IT’S LIKE SOME SORT OF SELF-FULFILLING MOBIUS DOUBLE REACH-AROUND OF GLOOM AND DOOM.    
CG: YOU WITH YOUR VOICES OF THE DEAD AND HIM WITH HIS VOICES OF THE IMMINENTLY DECEASED.    
CG: YOU'RE LIKE TWO SIDES OF A FUCKING COIN.    
CG: LIKE TWO SMALL SPHERICAL GREEN VEGETABLES IN A SLIME POD.    
CG: FUCK.    
CG: NO WONDER YOU TWO GET ALONG SO WELL.    
CG: OH GOD, WHY DID I NEVER REALIZE THIS BEFORE??    
CG: I AM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT.    
CG: IT IS SO CRYSTAL CLEAR NOW, I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER MANAGED TO MISS THIS SOMEHOW.    
CG: WHY DID HE EVEN COME TO MY HIVE YESTERDAY?    
CG: NOW I FEEL LIKE SUCH AN ASSHOLE FOR EVEN CONSIDERING IT, I MEAN OBVIOUSLY THIS HAS ALL BEEN A HUGE MISTAKE!    
CG: HE SHOULD BE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.    
CG: THAT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH MORE FUCKING SENSE.    
CG: FUCK.    
CG: FUCK ME FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKING DUMBASS.    
AA: 0_0   
AA: i didnt f0ll0w m0st 0f that karkat but i d0nt think its true   
AA: i think if he is there it is because he needs y0u right n0w   
AA: s0 it can 0nly be a g00d thing that hes there   
AA: with y0u   
CG: HA.    
CG: HAHAHAHA.    
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!    
CG: I DON'T THINK YOU WOULD SAY THAT IF YOU KNEW WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON OVER HERE.    
AA: n0 i think i w0uld still be 0k with it   
AA: im 0k with m0st things   
CG: WHOA.    
CG: JUST WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY HERE.    
CG: WHAT IS THIS.    
CG: ARE YOU ACTUALLY ENCOURAGING ME TO   
CG: UM   
CG: WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING ME TO DO HERE??    
CG: IS THIS SOME WEIRD KIND OF PERMISSION, IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE???    
CG: WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT, OH MY GOD.    
CG: THIS IS UNSPEAKABLY FUCKED UP.    
AA: 0_0   
AA: what   
AA: what kind 0f permissi0n are y0u talking ab0ut   
CG: I DON'T KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING YOU, WHAT KIND OF PERMISSION ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??    
AA: but i didnt say anything ab0ut permissi0n   
AA: y0u br0ught that up   
CG: BUT YOU SAID   
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FUCKING SAID!    
CG: I'M REREADING THIS CONVERSATION AND I STILL CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!    
CG: OH MY GOD I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.    
AA: as am i   
AA: i kn0w what i said but i d0nt think any part 0f it was c0nfusing   
AA: i was being direct and straightf0rward and the nature 0f y0ur c0nfusi0n is c0nfusing t0 me   
CG: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?    
CG: THIS MAY VERY WELL BE THE MOST AGGRAVATING AND FUCKED UP CONVERSATION THAT I'VE HAD IN THE PAST DAY, AND THAT'S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING.    
CG: MY THINK PAN IS KILLING ME, I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS SHIT.    
CG: LOOK.    
CG: JUST GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER HERE.    
CG: ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM THAT THIS END OF THE WORLD CRAP IS NONSENSE, OR NOT.    
AA: i t0ld y0u already   
AA: i will n0t lie t0 him   
CG: SO THAT'S A NO.    
AA: n0   
AA: i mean yes   
AA: yes it is a n0    
AA: this is all part 0f the greater purp0se   
CG: WELL ISN'T THAT A CONVENIENT LITTLE JUSTIFICATION FOR NOT DOING ANYTHING OR CARING ABOUT ANYTHING, EVER.    
CG: IT'S ALL PART OF THE GREATER PURPOSE, SO WHY SHOULD YOU LIFT A PRONG TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.    
CG: HE'S COMPLETELY FUCKED IN THE HEAD RIGHT NOW, DOESN'T THAT BOTHER YOU.    
CG: EVEN THE TINIEST BIT.    
AA: s0llux will be fine   
AA: they t0ld me   
AA: he still has imp0rtant w0rk t0 d0   
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS, YOU ARE SUCH AN AWFUL PERSON.    
AA: 0_0   
CG: HE'S FUCKING MISERABLE AND YOU DON'T EVEN CARE.    
CG: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.    
AA: that s0llux will be 0k is an immutable fact that i am stating f0r the rec0rd   
AA: it d0esnt mean that caring is n0t what is happening here   
AA: y0u sh0uld find it reassuring when i tell y0u he will be 0k   
CG: OF COURSE I SHOULD.    
CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE PRACTICALLY A PARAGON OF SANITY, HOW COULD I DOUBT ANYTHING THAT YOU SAY.    
CG: YOUR REASSURANCES COME STRAIGHT FROM THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD, WHICH ARE UNQUESTIONABLY THE MOST RELIABLE SOURCES OF INFORMATION THAT EXIST, HAVE EVER EXISTED OR COULD POSSIBLY EXIST.    
CG: WHAT KIND OF A MADTROLL WOULD YOU HAVE TO BE TO EVEN THINK ABOUT SUGGESTING THAT WHAT THEY TELL YOU MAY FALL EVEN A HAIR'S BREADTH SHORT OF PRISTINE ACCURACY AT ALL TIMES.    
CG: MY WORRIES HAVE BEEN ASSUAGED BY YOUR EXTREMELY PERSUASIVE AND REASONABLE STATEMENTS, I’M SO GLAD WE HAD THIS TALK.    
CG: I’M GOING TO GO TAKE A NICE LITTLE RELAXING NAP IN MY COCOON NOW WITH NARY A CARE IN THE WORLD WEIGHING ON MY BLOOD PUSHER.    
AA: 0_0   
CG: WELL WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.    
CG: AS I PREDICTED, THIS HAS ALL BEEN A COMPLETE FUCKING WASTE OF MY PRECIOUS TIME.    
CG: I'M GOING TO GO AND TRY TO ACTUALLY HELP MY FRIEND, WHICH IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD WANT TO DO ALSO.    
CG: ESPECIALLY YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE!    
CG: OR SO I THOUGHT.    
CG: BUT MAYBE I WAS COMPLETELY OFF BASE AFTER ALL.    
CG: FUCK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.    
CG: SUDDENLY I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.    
AA: 0_0   
AA: neither d0 i karkat    
AA: y0u l0st me again   
AA: the c0nfusing party in this c0nversati0n is actually y0u n0t me   
CG: SHUT UP.    
CG: I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE SOME THINGS OUT, OKAY.    
AA: 0k   
AA: i want t0 help s0llux and if theres s0mething i can d0 with0ut lying then i will d0 it   
AA: but i d0nt kn0w what that w0uld be   
AA: i think maybe he just needs s0me time t0 c0me t0 terms with his new r0le   
CG: FUCK THAT.    
CG: FUCK THAT RECOMMENDATION IN EVERY SINGLE FILTHY ORIFICE IT’S GOT.    
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO JUST STAND BY AND WATCH HIM SUFFER, THAT'S CRAP.    
CG: I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING.    
CG: FUCK IF I KNOW WHAT, BUT DEFINITELY SOMETHING.    
CG: WATCH ME STOP WASTING MY TIME LISTENING TO VERBAL BEHEMOTH LEAVINGS FROM A CREEPY PSYCHO GIRL AND START DOING SOMETHING WORTHWHILE, JUST LOOK AT ME GO.    
AA: 0_0

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]


	21. Chapter 21

You spit a string of profanity at the screen and leap out of your chair so quickly that it tips over backwards. You whirl and kick it angrily, then let loose another wave of curses as your freshly-stubbed toe begins to throb. You are, if anything, more frustrated than you were when you first sat down at your computer station.

The anger drains out of you abruptly, and suddenly you just feel exhausted. You glance over your shoulder belatedly to see if your outburst woke Sollux, but he remains unchanged. His only movements are the barely perceptible rise and fall of his chest and the occasional twitch and snarl as he faces whatever it is that fills his uneasy dreams. 

You look reluctantly around your block. The sorry state of your hive is being picked out in stark relief by the bright sunlight streaming in through the cracks in the wall. Scorched movie posters flutter in the breeze, barely clinging to the walls. Your Game Grub magazines are scattered all around the room and the former contents of your bookshelf are lying in a jumbled heap on the floor. There's sopor slime sloshed all over your cocoon and slowly drying in puddles on the floor. And, of course, there's red and yellow blood slopped everywhere; it's staining the carpet, smeared on the walls, even splashed on the side of your cocoon. 

You heave a reluctant sigh. You can't put it off forever; you suppose you should get started cleaning it up. 

As you scrub determinedly at the caked blood on the floor, you wonder how they always manage to keep it so neat in the movies. It’s always elegantly done on the silver screen; a graceful, well-orchestrated dance that ends up with the two heroes embracing in a cocoon or on a couch. It’s not a knock-down, drag-out mess like what you and Sollux did last night. Nobody ever falls down a flight of stairs in the middle of it. No romcom hero ever wakes up the next morning with a throbbing think pan because he cracked his forehead against his lover's in a clumsy bid to hornlock him. As you survey the damage, you realize that you and Sollux were really kind of woefully terrible at this. 

Maybe it’s a sign that this wasn’t meant to be, you and Sollux. After all, isn’t that why you hesitated in the first place? You had reservations about whether or not he’s really the one fated to be your matesprit. Out of habit, your eyes flick to your Serendipity poster. 

To your immense dismay, it did not escape unscathed. It has been sliced in half by twin laser beams, leaving the bottom portion face-down on your block floor. You swallow. It’s hard not to take that as an ill omen. 

Then again…the burns have essentially emblazoned a II symbol right across troll John Cusack’s face. Your fingers travel unconsciously to your wrist, where his horns left a similar mark on you. He’s managed to imprint both you and your all-time favorite romcom hero with his sign. Viewed through that lens, it’s exactly the opposite kind of omen. 

You snort. He sliced the poster in half and scorched II into it. It’s a two-part, II-themed omen that can be read two different ways. “Only you, Captor,” you mutter under your breath. Then you yank the poster down and shove it into the trash bag with everything else that got ruined. 

The hours drag on as you slowly get your hive back into a livable state. When you finish with your respiteblock, you tackle your living block and finally the ablution block. When you’ve dumped every last shard of broken mirror down the waste chute, you return to your respiteblock and kneel next to Sollux. He hasn’t stirred once this entire time. 

You chew on the inside of your cheek as you wonder if you should be concerned. He’s been asleep for an awfully long time now. “Sollux,” you murmur. “Hey.” No response. You touch his upper arm lightly, then poke at him. 

He still doesn’t respond. Okay, now you are _definitely_ concerned. “Sollux!” You shake his shoulder, but still nothing. 

You bite your lip. “Come on, man, what the fuck is this?” You crawl around to the front of him and study his face. He’s still breathing. You press your fingers gently against the vein node at the base of his neck and feel for a pulse. His blood pusher is still beating strongly. But he won’t wake up. 

A creeping sensation of dread has taken root in the depths of your digestion sac. Maybe there’s something to Terezi’s sopor slime poisoning theory after all. It has crossed your mind more than once over the past several hours that you know little to nothing about how eating sopor works. You know Gamzee does it all the time, but one key piece of information you don’t have is how _much._ For all you know, you gave Sollux a perigee’s worth of sopor in one go. 

“Okay bro, that’s enough,” you say with a nervous laugh. “Come on, you’re messing with me, right? A little payback for dunking you in the sopor slime last night? Make Karkat freak out a little thinking you have sopor poisoning? Ha ha, well played, you totally got me!” You wait. You swallow anxiously. “Playtime’s over, come on bro. You’re really starting to worry me here.” You prod his shoulder again a few times. 

You cannot get a response out of him. You pound your fists on the floor in frustration. “Shit!” 

Well, that settles it. You are going to have to talk to Gamzee after all.


	22. Chapter 22

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: MAN, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M DOING THIS.    
CG: HOW LOW HAVE I SUNK TO FIND MYSELF CRAWLING TO YOU OF ALL PEOPLE FOR ADVICE.    
TC: hEeEeEeEy!    
TC: WhAt Is AlL Up AnD hApPeNiNg WiTh My WiCkEd MaIn MoThErFuCkEr?    
CG: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT.    
TC: HaHaHa. YoU fUcKiN gOt It, BrO.    
TC: tHe LaSt ThInG i WaNt To Do Is AlL gO aNd UpSeT mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg BeSt FrIeNd.    
TC: HoNk. :o)    
CG: UUUUUUGH.    
CG: I ALREADY WANTED TO PUNCH SOMETHING TO BEGIN WITH, AND NOW THIS.    
CG: IT'S AMAZING HOW QUICKLY MY RAGE CAN SKYROCKET TO NIGH UNFATHOMABLE PROPORTIONS.    
TC: HaHa, WhAt'S tHe WiCkEd ShIt ThAt AlL wEnT aNd GoT yOu AlL wOrKeD uP, dOgG?    
CG: MOST CURRENTLY, IT'S THE WAY YOU'RE TYPING THAT'S GETTING ME WORKED UP.    
CG: I CAN'T STAND IT.    
CG: IT'S JUST REALLY UNBEARABLE, EVERY PASSING WORD MAKES ME WANT TO STAB MY EYES OUT WITH A CULLING FORK JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE.    
CG: HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT LATELY.    
TC: eVeRy MoThErFuCkIn DaY, bRo.    
TC: HoNk. :o)    
CG: DID I MENTION HOW IDIOTIC YOUR STUPID HORNS ARE AND HOW MUCH IT MAKES ME WANT TO PROJECTILE VOMIT EVERY TIME I SEE ONE OF YOUR MORONIC HONKS.    
TC: HaHa, YeAh DoGg, ThAt ToO.    
CG: YOU’RE A COMPLETE AND UTTER EMBARRASSMENT TO TROLLKIND, AND THE WORST PART OF IT IS THAT YOU'RE TOO BUSY GULPING DOWN THAT DISGUSTING SUGARY SLOP AND MESSING AROUND WITH YOUR RIDICULOUS ONE-WHEEL DEVICE TO EVEN REALIZE IT.    
TC: MaN, oNe Of ThEsE mOtHeRfUcKiN dAyS i'Ll RiDe ThAt MoThErFucKeR aLl OvEr ToWn, YoU'lL sEe.    
TC: HoNk HoNk HoNk. :o)    
CG: EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO SEVER MY THINK NODES WITH MY SICKLE TO MAKE THE REST OF THIS CONVERSATION MARGINALLY LESS PAINFUL.    
TC: HaHaHa.    
TC: So WhAt'S aLl FrEsH aNd MoThErFuCkIn NeW wItH yOu, MoThErFuCkEr?    
CG: NO.    
CG: JUST, NO.    
CG: I DIDN'T COME HERE TO WASTE MY TIME ON MEANINGLESS, BULGE-GRATING SMALL TALK WITH YOU.    
CG: I CAME HERE TO ASK YOU A SPECIFIC QUESTION.    
CG: AND DON'T TELL ME WHAT INANE BULLSHIT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO, EITHER, I JUST COULDN'T POSSIBLY CARE LESS ABOUT THAT.    
TC: NoT a WhOle LoT, dOgG, jUsT gEtTiNg AlL uP aNd On WiTh tHe WiCkEd MoThErFuCkInG bUsInEsS.    
CG: AUGH, WHAT DID I JUST SAY.    
TC: sNaPpInG iNtO a WiCkEd ElIxEr, BuStInG oUt A fReSh PiE.    
TC: mUcH lIkE tHe MoThErFuCkInG uSuAl, BrOtHeR.    
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, ENOUGH ALREADY.    
CG: LISTEN, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD HEAR MYSELF SAY THIS, BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT PIE FOR A MINUTE.    
TC: SuRe BrO, wHaTeVeR i CaN dO tO hElP mAkE a BrOtHeR sMiLe. :o)    
CG: HOW MUCH   
CG: UM   
CG: PIE WOULD YOU SAY YOU TYPICALLY GO THROUGH IN A SITTING?    
TC: UhHhHhHh.    
TC: MaN i DoN't ReAlLy MoThErFuCkIn KnOw, I jUsT aLl Go WiTh WhAtEvEr ThE mOtHeRfUcK fEeLs RiGhT, yOu KnOw?    
CG: NO. NO I DON'T KNOW.    
CG: NOR DO I WANT TO, I LOSE ENOUGH BRAIN CELLS JUST FROM READING THE SHIT YOU SAY.    
TC: HaHaHa, RiGhT oN.    
CG: NO, THAT WAS AN INSULT, THAT THING I JUST SAID.    
CG: BE INSULTED.    
CG: HAVE THE GRACE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN SERVED A NUTRITION PLATEAU FULL OF MY SEARING, ACID RAGE.    
TC: hAhAhA, yOu MoThErFuCkInG gOt It, BeSt FrIeNd. :o)    
TC: I'm AlL mOtHeRfUcKiNg AcKnOwLeDgInG tHaT sHiT lIkE iT aLl FuCkIn StEpPeD OuT oF tHe FuCkIn ShAdOwS aNd MoThErFuCkInG cLoCkeD mE oNe!    
CG: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.    
CG: OKAY, I WILL TRY TO BREAK THIS DOWN FOR YOU INTO THE SIMPLEST POSSIBLE TERMS.    
CG: AND I'M GOING TO PRETEND LIKE I THINK THERE'S A CHANCE THAT YOU'LL TELL ME SOMETHING USEFUL, EVEN THOUGH THAT'S PRETTY MUCH STATISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE GIVEN EVERY OTHER CONVERSATION WE'VE EVER FUCKING HAD.    
CG: AND HOW FUCKING USELESS THEY WERE, AND HOW PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS JUST A GIANT WASTE OF MY TIME.    
TC: FuCk YeAh DoGg, HiT mE hArD wItH yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN qUeStIoN lIkE i FuCkIn WrOnGeD yOu AnD aLl dEsErVe A gOoD sMaCk AnD sHiT.    
CG: OKAY.    
CG: WOULD YOU SAY YOU GO THROUGH AN ENTIRE PIE IN A DAY?    
CG: OR DOES ONE OF THOSE TYPICALLY LAST FOR AWHILE.    
CG: OR HELL, FOR ALL I KNOW YOU COULD EAT FIVE IN A DAY.    
CG: I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A GENERAL RANGE, CAN YOU GIVE ME A GENERAL RANGE HERE.    
TC: uHhHh, WeLl, RiGhT nOw I gOt OnE pIe ThAt'S aLl FuCkIn FrEsH oUt ThE oVeN, aLl StEaMiNg Up A rUdE fUcKiN tRaIl.    
TC: AnD uHhHh, I gOt ThIs OtHeR fUcKiN pIe ThAt'S pReTtY mUcH mAkInG aS iF tO bE EmPtY.    
CG: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT WAS AMAZING ABOUT THAT?    
CG: WHAT WAS AMAZING ABOUT THAT IS HOW IT DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM.    
CG: THAT EMPTY PIE THAT YOU JUST MENTIONED, WHEN DID YOU MAKE THAT?    
CG: TODAY?    
CG: YESTERDAY?    
TC: uUhHhHh, EaRlIeR tOdAy I mOtHeRfUcKiN tHiNk.    
TC: WaIt UhHhHhHh,    
TC: On A sEcOnD tHiNk, MaYbE iT wAs YeStErDaY?    
TC: oR, i GuEsS, tHe DaY bEfOrE tHaT.    
TC: dOgG, i DoN'T fUcKiN rEmEmBeR.    
TC: i GuEsS i AlL gOt My MoThErFuCkInG cHiLl On A lItTlE tOo GoOd AnD aLl Up AnD wEnT aNd MoThErFuCkInG fOrGoT, hAhAhA.    
CG: I ALREADY KNOW THAT YOU'RE THE WORST FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE ON THE PLANET, BUT SOMEHOW YOU HAVE STILL MANAGED TO ASTOUND ME WITH HOW SPECTACULARLY, STAGGERINGLY USELESS YOU ARE.    
TC: aWwWwW fUcK, i HaTe tO bE AlL uP aNd As tO UpSeT a MoThErFuCkEr!    
TC: :o(   
TC: AsK mE aNoThEr MoThErFuCkIn QuEsTiOn, Yo.    
TC: I'lL fUcKiN dO bEtTeR oN tHiS oNe AnD hElP a MoThErFuCkEr ChEeR hIs WiCkEd ShIt RiGhT uP.    
CG: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BE ANY LESS INCOMPETENT IF I ASK YOU A DIFFERENT QUESTION.    
CG: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO ASK.    
TC: i JuSt FeEl It In My HeArT, bRo.    
TC: CoMe On, AsK mE yOuR pEaCe DoG.    
CG: FINE.    
CG: OKAY, HERE IT IS.    
CG: HAVE YOU EVER EATEN SOPOR SLIME RAW?    
TC: rAw PiE?    
TC: i ThInK i AlL uP aNd DiD tHaT lIkE oNcE.    
TC: i GuEeS i GoT cUrIoUs HoW iT wOuLd AlL uP aNd Be LiKe.    
CG: AND?    
TC: AnD wHaT, dOg?    
CG: HOW DID IT ALL UP AND BE LIKE.    
CG: SHIT, I MEAN    
CG: WHAT WAS IT LIKE.    
TC: WeLl UhHhHhH, iT wAs MoStLy SoRt Of FuCkIn LiKe CoOkEd PiE.    
TC: eXcEpT lIkE   
TC: lEsS fUcKiN hOt.    
TC: HoNk. :o)    
CG: WOW.    
CG: AGAINST ALL ODDS, THAT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY OF MARGINAL UTILITY TO ME.    
TC: WhY aLl ThE iNtErEsT iN pIe AlL tHe MoThErFuCkIn SuDdEn, BrO?    
TC: yOu WaNt ThAt I aLl Go BaKe Up A fReSh MoThErFuCkIn BaTcH aNd SeNd sOmE aT yOuR fUcKiN dIrEcTiOn?    
TC: We CoUlD fUcKiN gEt OuR cHiLl On ToGeThEr OvEr SoMe FuCkIn PiE aNd BoNd ToGeThEr LiKe tHaT.    
TC: hOnK hOnK! :o)    
CG: FUCK NO.    
CG: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING PIE.    
CG: THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME, THIS IS ABOUT SOLLUX.    
TC: oH!    
TC: tHaT aLl Up AnD jUsT wEnT aNd FuCkIn ReMiNdEd Me, BrO.    
TC: i WaS gOnNa AsK yOu A qUeStIoN aBoUt OuR gOoD bRo SoLlUx.    
CG: NO, DON'T.    
TC: It'S jUsT aLl, YoU gOt AnY fUcKiN cLuE wHeRe He AlL uP aNd WeNt AnD gOt HiMsElF tO bEiNg?    
TC: CaUsE i WaNtEd To WiSh A mOtHeRfUcKeR a BeSt BiTcHtItS wRiGgLiNg DaY aNd ShIt.    
TC: MaYbE aLl ChEcK uP iN hOw AgE sIx Is tReAtInG aT hIm.    
TC: CaUsE fUuUuUcK, i ReMeMbEr HoW mY sIxTh WrIgGlInG dAy Up AnD wEnT. :o(   
TC: sCaRiEsT mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT i EvEr dId SeE.    
CG: I REMEMBER THAT.    
TC: i WaS aLl Up AnD dOiNg SoMe SeRiOuS fUcKiN sUbBjUgLaTiOn AnD sHiT, aAuUuUhHhHhH dOgG i DoN't EvEn LiKe To ThInK aBoUt It.    
CG: I ALREADY TOLD YOU IT WAS JUST A BAD BATCH OF SOPOR SLIME.    
TC: UhHhH yEaH i GuEsS sO, bUt It FeLt MoRe FuCkIn ReAl ThAn ThAt.    
TC: AnYwAy, I cAn'T sEeM tO cAtCh A bRo OnLiNe.    
TC: i AlL tAlKeD sOmE nOiSe On tHiS wItH sOmE oF tHe OtHeRs, BuT iT lOoKs LiKe As NoNe Of ThE mOtHeRfUcKeRs HeArD a SiNgLe WiCkEd ChUcKlE fRoM hIm In DaYs.    
CG: WELL   
CG: ABOUT THAT.    
CG: ACTUALLY, HE'S HERE.    
TC: fUuUuUuCk, LiKe Up AlL aT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg PaD, bRo?    
CG: HE'S HERE AT MY HIVE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT BY THAT NONSENSE THING YOU JUST SAID.    
CG: SO YOU COULD MAYBE PASS THAT INFORMATION ALONG TO ANY OF OUR OTHER FRIENDS IF THEY HAPPEN TO HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF TALKING TO YOU.    
TC: HaHaHa, RiGhT tHe MoThErFuCk On, DuDe!    
CG: AND AS FOR THE OTHER THING   
CG: ABOUT HOW HE'S HANDLING AGE SIX   
CG: I WOULD SAY   
CG: WELL   
CG: HE'S HANDLING IT PRETTY SPECTACULARLY FUCKING POORLY.    
CG: WORSE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY FUCKING IMAGINE, IN FACT.    
TC: AwWwWwWw, I dOn'T mOtHeRfUcKiN lIkE tO hEaR tHaT sAlTy nOiSe! :o(   
TC: WhAt AlL uP aNd WeNt FuCkIn WrOnG oVeR tHeRe, bRoThEr?    
CG: SHENANIGANS.    
CG: BUT I'M TAKING CARE OF IT, OKAY.    
CG: THAT'S ALL YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW.    
CG: EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL.    
TC: Ok, ThEn ThAt'S cOoL, i GuEsS.    
TC: hE's GoNnA bE bAcK iN bItChTiTs ShApE iN nO tImE wItH yOu ThErE aNd AlL hElPiNg OuT aNd ShIt, I jUsT kNoW iT.    
TC: sEeInG yOu AlL uP aNd FuCkIn TaKiNg CaRe Of YoUr BeSt MoThErFuCkInG fRiEnD lIkE tHaT iS tHe BeSt MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe i EvEr dId SeE!    
TC: iT's So FuCkIn BeAuTiFuL, i'M aLl TeArInG uP aNd ShIt.    
TC: HoNkHoNkHoNk!!!! :oD   
CG: OH, GOD.    
CG: OH GOD, JUST   
CG: FUCK!    
CG: EVERYTHING I JUST SAID IS A TOTAL FUCKING JOKE.    
CG: THE TRUTH IS THAT I'M JUST FUCKING EVERYTHING UP LIKE I ALWAYS FUCKING DO.    
CG: NOTHING'S UNDER CONTROL HERE, IN FACT UNDER CONTROL IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT THINGS ARE.    
CG: OH GOD, IT'S A HUGE FUCKING MESS, AND THE WORST PART OF IT IS THAT IT'S ALL MY OWN FUCKING FAULT!    
CG: I MADE THE WORST POSSIBLE DECISION AT EVERY SINGLE JUNCTURE SINCE HE GOT HERE, AND NOW THE WHOLE SITUATION IS FUCKED UP TO AN UNIMAGINABLE DEGREE.    
CG: SOLLUX IS HAVING A TOTAL FUCKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN.    
CG: AND OH GOD, OH FUCK, I THINK I MIGHT HAVE POISONED HIM WITH AN OVERDOSE OF SOPOR SLIME.    
CG: GOD, HE'S JUST FUCKING LYING THERE, HE WON'T MOVE AND HE WON'T WAKE UP NO MATTER WHAT I DO.    
CG: FUCK FUCK FUCK!    
CG: I THINK HE'S DYING RIGHT HERE ON MY HIVE FLOOR, OH MY GOD WHAT DO I EVEN DO?    
CG: OH GOD, OH GOD, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS, I MEAN WHAT IF HE NEVER WAKES UP???    
CG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH GOD OH FUCK   
CG: AND I'M THE ONE WHO DID IT TO HIM! OH GOD, FUCK, I CAN'T BREATHE.    
CG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!    
TC: :oO    
TC: WhOa ThErE, bRoThEr!    
TC: CaLm YoUr WiCkEd sHiT, mOtHeRfUcKeR.    
TC: jUsT aLl SlOw DoWn AnD fUcKiNg TaKe A dEeP bReAtH.    
TC: eVeRyThInG iS gOiNg To Be jUsT mOtHeRfUcKiN fInE, bEsT fRiEnD.    
TC: pIe PoIsOnInG iSn'T eVeN a ThInG. :o)    
CG: IT'S NOT?    
TC: nAh BrO.    
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT, I MEAN DO YOU REALLY KNOW FOR CERTAIN?    
TC: i AlL uP aNd FeEl It In My FuCkIn HeArT, mOtHeRfUcKeR.    
TC: I gOt AlL tHe WiCkEd FuCkIn DaRkMiRtHfUl FaItHs On At ThAt FuCkIn ShIt.    
TC: HoNk.    
CG: GREAT, COLOR ME CONVINCED.    
TC: AnYwAy, I fUcKiN aLl BeEn EaTiNg PiE sInCe I wAs LiKe, FuCkIn...    
TC: FuCk DoGg, I DoN't EvEn fUcKiN rEmEmBeR aRoUnD tHaT.    
TC: a LoNg FuCkIn TiMe, I gUeSs.    
TC: PiE's NeVeR dOnE tOwArD mE a SiNgLe PeAcE oF mOtHeRfUcKiN hArShWhImSy HaRm, DoGg.    
CG: WELL   
CG: THAT'S DEBATABLE, I MEAN DO YOU EVER LISTEN TO YOURSELF OR THE THINGS YOU SAY.    
CG: BUT I GUESS I SEE YOUR POINT.    
CG: IF IT WAS POSSIBLE TO GET SOPOR POISONING THEN AN IDIOT LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE DONE IT AT LEAST A HUNDRED TIMES BY NOW.    
TC: HaHaHaHa.    
TC: SeE bRo? SoLlUx Is GoInG tO bE jUsT mOtHeRfUcKiN fInE.    
TC: hOnK hOnK. :o)    
CG: OKAY.    
CG: OKAY, I GUESS I MAYBE OVERREACTED A LITTLE BIT.    
TC: nO wOrRiEs, BrO. :o)    
CG: MAYBE THERE'S SOME OTHER REASON WHY HE WON'T WAKE UP.    
CG: LIKE MAYBE HE'S INCREDIBLY EXHAUSTED FROM   
CG: STUFF THAT HAPPENED.    
CG: AND, I GUESS, OTHER STUFF THAT DIDN'T QUITE HAPPEN.    
TC: hOnK.    
CG: OKAY, I THINK I'M GOING TO GO GIVE THIS ANOTHER TRY.    
CG: MAYBE THIS TIME I CAN DO SOMETHING USEFUL INSTEAD OF JUST FAILING MISERABLY FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.    
TC: yOu WiLl DoGg, I cAn AlL uP aNd FeEl It. :oD   
CG: OKAY, LATER.    
TC: PeAcE.    
TC: HoNk. :o) 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]


	23. Chapter 23

You minimize your chat window and stare at your computer station for a few seconds. Then you close your eyes and stretch your arms upwards, throwing your head back and arching against the computer station chair. Your spinal column pops audibly, and you sigh in relief as some of the tension drains out of you. Strangely enough, that conversation actually managed to calm you down a little bit.

Gamzee has that effect on you sometimes. He infuriates you to a degree that none of your other friends can even touch, but sometimes you come out of those interactions feeling oddly relaxed. He’s like a lightning rod for your rage; he pushes all of your buttons until you totally let loose on him – which, for some bizarre reason, never seems to ruffle him in the slightest – and that just makes you even more furious; and then, at some point, it’s like your rage ducts just burn themselves out or give up in defeat. You run out of anger. 

You swivel sideways in your seat to eye Sollux critically. He hasn’t moved, but nevertheless, there are signs of improvement. His complexion is noticeably better, and most of his cuts and bruises have healed. Physically, he is getting better rather than worse; once that sinks in, you feel kind of stupid for panicking over the idea of sopor slime poisoning. That clearly isn’t what’s happening here. 

So what is happening? As you sit there, looking him over and pondering your next move, you realize something. Sollux is completely and utterly still, save for the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest. But wasn’t he moving earlier? He was, you’re sure of it; last night and earlier today, his sleep under the influence of sopor slime had been uneasy, fitful. His eyes would dart back and forth behind his eyelids and he would occasionally mumble something as he dreamed. This complete stillness that you’re seeing right now, this is something new. 

How long has he been like this? You aren’t sure; you can’t pinpoint when the change happened. 

You cross the room and kneel next to him. “Sollux,” you say, laying one hand hesitantly on his upper arm. “Hey, are you awake, bro?” You shake him, but receive no response. Your eyes narrow suspiciously. You shake him yet again. When he still doesn’t move, you take hold of his wrist, lift his arm and stretch it straight out above his head. Then you let it drop. 

The arm miraculously freezes in midair an instant before he can hit himself in the face. His eyes snap open. 

You let out an inarticulate yell of surprise, triumph and anger. “God damn it, Sollux!” you shout, grabbing at him. “You were _awake?_ How long have you been awake, you stupid shit, I was going out of my sponge – “

“Get off of me!” he exclaims, slapping at your hands in flustered panic. 

“ – and you were just fucking _lying there pretending?_ What the actual fuck!” You seize a double handful of his shirt and haul him upwards. “And here I was, blaming myself and thinking I’d poisoned you, and you were just _messing with me?”_

“Leave me alone, KK!” he yelps, wrapping his prongs around your wrists and trying to shove your hands away from him. “I don’t want to be awake!” 

“Like hell! I fucking suffered through a conversation with Gamzee for you, you nookbiting shitmunch! And it turns out it was for no reason at all?” 

“Stop it!” Red and blue lightning crackles out of his eyes, and, with surgical precision, sparks both of your hands right between the second and third knuckles. Your fists immediately come unclenched, and you drop him with a snarled curse. He flops back to the floor, and you rocket to your feet as you shake out your smarting digits. 

Sollux turns away from you, rolling onto his side and curling halfway into a ball. He brings his arms up to his face, partially obscuring it, but you can see that his teeth are gritted. “Just leave me alone,” he mumbles. 

“Fine!” you shout, pointing an accusatory prong at him. “You want to stay here and mope like a pathetic little green wiggler who shits hard in his wiggler-bottom diaperstub? Do it! See what I care! I am so sick of your shit, Captor, you are an ungrateful, self-centered, bulge-sniffing fuckass who smells like behemoth leavings and looks like the most disgusting thing I have ever flushed down my load gaper! I am so done with you! You can lie here till you rot for all I care!” With that, you whirl and stomp determinedly out of your respiteblock. 

Anger propels you up the stairs all the way to the movie block at the apex of your hive. This is by far your favorite place in the entire hive, and it’s where you always go to cool down when you’re at your most furious. One entire wall is covered by a huge movie screen, and the adjacent wall contains a station that dispenses popcorn and cotton candy. The rest of the room is filled with soft chairs and couches and overstuffed pillows in various shapes and sizes. All in all, it contains everything a troll could wish for to enjoy movies in complete comfort. 

Designing it this way made perfect sense to you when you were fresh out of the brooding caverns, back when you still thought you were going to be the most popular kid on the lawnringchain. The other kids were going to flock to your lawnring in droves to watch movies and fawn over your amazing hive. You were going to be the envy of the entire town. 

Of course, it didn’t exactly turn out that way. Once you realized the full implications of your blood color, you knew you had to keep your distance. All it would take would be one tiny cut suffered in a rough-and-tumble kid’s game, one skinned knee, and your secret would be out. You would be left to live out the few days remaining to you before the Imperial Culling Drone showed up at your door as an outcast and a pariah. 

You couldn’t risk it. So you stayed in your hive, made friends online and watched movies by yourself. Sollux is actually the only other person who’s been up here, if you don’t count the few occasions that your lusus managed to escape from the ground-level block and wreak havoc on the rest of your hive. Your friends are scattered maddeningly all over Alternia. You have never met most of them in person, and you seriously doubt you’ll ever get the chance to. 

You pop one of your favorite romcoms into the projector, but you are too worked up to focus on the show. You can’t _believe_ that Sollux would fake unconsciousness and let you worry all morning long, and your indignation receives a galvanizing jolt each time you catch sight of your swollen knuckles. What the hell is wrong with him? 

After half an hour of pacing restlessly around the block, kicking pillows aside and cursing under your breath, you start to calm down. It occurs to you that telling him off just a short while ago was the first interaction you’ve had with him since last night’s meltdown; an event which, you belatedly remember, ended on the heartbreaking note of him telling you that he’s looking forward to his own death. He’s having a really rough time right now with these things that he’s dealing with, even if they are just hallucinations from a disturbed mind. 

You bite your lip. Maybe yelling at him wasn’t the coolest thing you could have done just now. 

You stop walking and bury your face in your hands as the realization hits you. You spent all morning trying desperately to get him to wake up, only to flip your shit and scream in his face the moment he did. And sure enough, within record time, he was right back to lying on your floor and being unresponsive. 

“Damn it!” you exclaim. That was a situation where you should have been sensitive; empathetic, even; and of course, you completely missed it and behaved like a raging shitsponge instead. As usual, you handled things in the most terrible and counterproductive way possible; another stunningly bad decision to add to Karkat Vantas’s unparalleled resume of miserable failure. 

You heave a sigh as you turn off the projector, slink out of the block and trudge back downstairs to clean up your latest mess.


	24. Chapter 24

Back in your respiteblock, you sit cross-legged in front of Sollux. "I didn't mean to yell at you like that," you tell him quietly. "I was just really worked up, and I guess I kind of flew off the handle. But look, I’m completely over being angry now. See?” You hold up your hands, palms out, as proof of your calm temperament. “I’m totally back on the handle. The handle and I made peace and we’re the best of bros now. No more yelling, I promise.” When he doesn't respond, you suck in a deep breath and take the plunge. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry for flipping my shit and shouting at you like that."

He still doesn’t respond, and that startles you. You figured that once you did the sensitive thing and apologized, he’d snap right out of it and you’d talk it out like bros. But evidently not, as his continued silence attests. 

“Oh come on, dude, I’m apologizing here!” you snap testily. “I’m being all contrite about it, and what, you’re too good to listen? What’s it going to take to make you understand that I’m sorry, huh? Do you want blood? Tears? Do I have to tear my blood pusher out of my chest and smash it to bits in front of you?” You place one hand on your chest and hold the other out dramatically. “I, Karkat Vantas, hereby apologize to you, Sollux Captor, in the most genuine way imaginable. _Please_ accept my most _heartfelt_ apology.” You clap a hand over your mouth as soon as the words are out; that came out sounding way more sarcastic than you intended it to. 

You get to your knees and lean in close to him. “I just want you to get up,” you plead softly. “And talk to me. You can tell me how you feel about all that stuff you saw in your visions, and I’ll listen politely instead of screaming my think pan off, okay? And I won’t tell you you’re crazy, I promise. Please?” You reach out hesitantly with one hand, hovering awkwardly as you try to figure out what you should do with it. Physical contact doesn’t come naturally to you, having spent your entire life holed up alone in this hive. You settle for brushing your prongs through his hair; that’s a sensitive thing to do, right? 

This time he reacts, but not in the way you want him to. He recoils from your touch so quickly that you start back in surprise. “Get off!” he exclaims, lifting his arms defensively. 

“Whoa, sorry!” You hold your hands up in surrender. “What did I do?” 

He sighs, and the animation leaves him again as quickly as it came. He flops onto his back and covers his face with both hands. “Don’t you get it, KK?” he says, his words muffled. “It doesn’t matter.” He rests one arm on his forehead, casting his face into shadow, and looks up at you listlessly. His eyes don’t look right at all; the pupils are dull, faded from the usual vibrant red and blue to pale pink and slate gray. This is a new one. You’ve seen his eyes look many different ways before, ranging from near normal to the flashing maelstroms you saw last night, but you can’t shake the feeling that what you are seeing right now is quite bad. This, you feel certain, is a sign of terrible sickness. Not of the body, perhaps, but of the spirit. 

“What doesn’t matter?” you ask quietly. 

“All of it, KK.” His tone is just as dull and flat as his eyes, and you wince. “It doesn’t matter if you yell, or if you’re sorry. There’s no point to talking. There’s no point to _anything.”_ He heaves another massive sigh; you get the impression that every single word that passes through his lips is draining him of his last dregs of energy. “We are all going to die soon. Nothing matters anymore. So just leave me alone.” He slides his arm over his eyes, covering them completely, and falls silent. 

“No, come on! Don’t talk like that!” You lunge forward, but he flicks one prong and the air around him goes momentarily opaque. It clears, leaving an invisible barrier just above his skin. Its surface is smooth and almost frictionless, and your hands go out from under you the moment you touch it, sending you pitching forward to sprawl across him and crack your chin on the floor. You curse and hurriedly right yourself. A quick probing reveals that the barrier extends all the way around him; he has shut you out. 

“Don’t be like that, Sollux,” you murmur. “None of that stuff you saw is real, okay? Nothing’s actually changed since when you were five. It’s all in your head! You’re just having a bad brain episode.” You lean forward earnestly. “Come on, get up. We’ll go hang out and do the fun things we’ve always done, and you’ll remember that you actually _like_ being alive. Want to kick my ass at Battlegrub IV? Or we can watch a romcom, and you can heckle it the whole way through until I get all worked up and flip my shit, and then you can laugh at me. It’ll be great! Just like old times.” 

He ignores you. You chew on your lip for a few seconds, then whirl and shoot to your feet. You retrieve a grub from your computer station and return to his side. “Look, these are some of the viruses I’ve been working on lately. They’re really bad! I mean, they are just beyond terrible, even by my standards. Don’t you want to look through them and condescendingly point out every mistake I've made? And remind me how great you are and that I’m an embarrassment to hackers everywhere?” You toss the grub at him; it lands on his chest and slides down the far side of the barrier, where it twitches weakly. 

You frown. You can’t believe he didn’t take that bait; Sollux has literally never passed up an opportunity to lord his programming skills over you. Just how far gone is he? You wish he would just respond, even if it meant coming at you with psionic powers ablaze. Then you could at least attempt to reason with him. But you can do nothing in the face of this implacable silence. 

You decide to go for broke. “What about Aradia?” you demand, diving in pan-first. “Don’t you think she’ll miss you if all you do from now on is lie here like last perigee’s behemoth leavings? Don’t you think she’ll worry? Don’t you even _care?”_ He doesn’t so much as twitch, and you glare. “I know you can hear me, Captor! Do you even care that _I’m_ worried about you _right fucking now?”_ You slam your fists into his barrier with a snarl. “You know what? Fucking forget it! We’re better off without you! Nobody likes you anyway! You’re a fucking joke, Captor, and everybody knows it! With your two stupid colors and your two ridiculous moods, you’re the most two-dimensional person we’ve ever seen! You’re like a fucking caricature of a real person, the only reason anybody puts up with you at all is because we feel sorry for you and how fucking pathetic you are!” 

Nothing. _Nothing._ You stare at him in dismay that is slowly shading into panic. You just covered all of his greatest fears and insecurities, and yet he didn’t even react. 

Now you are starting to get seriously freaked out. Sollux is typically depressed about half the time, but not like _this._ Not to the extent that he’s practically comatose from it. Dread has begun gnawing away at your insides. Is this finally it? The time that his fractured mind falls apart and can’t be put back together again? Is he broken for good? 

“God damn it!” You grab double fistfuls of your hair, clenching your teeth in frustration. You’re completely out of ideas. What next? Just sit here and hope he snaps out of it? 

You slump forward in defeat. You suppose it’s time to get back online and tell Terezi how worthless her advice was. Didn’t she vaguely promise to tell you something useful the next time you talked? It was probably bullshit, but you’ll try anything at this point. 

You stand and smooth your rumpled shirt back into place. Then, once again, you take a seat at your computer station. 


	25. Chapter 25

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: WELL, THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A TOTAL POINTLESS WASTE OF ENERGY.   
CG: I’M RIGHT BACK WHERE I STARTED, EXCEPT NOW WITH THE ADDED BONUS OF A THROBBING PHLEGM LOBE THANKS TO ALL THE FUCKING MORONS WHO DRIPPED THEIR INSIPID BABBLING INTO MY AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS DURING THE INTERVENING TIME.    
CG: WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING?    
CG: OH WAIT.    
CG: LITERALLY ANYBODY WITH A FUNCTIONAL SPONGE.    
CG: THANKS FOR SENDING ME ON THAT WILD HONKBEAST CHASE, IT WAS AWESOME.    
GC: >:\   
GC: HOW 1S SOLLUX DO1NG?    
CG: NOT GREAT.    
GC: D1D H3 W4K3 UP Y3T?    
CG: NO.    
CG: WELL, YES.    
CG: I MEAN, SORT OF.    
GC: >:|   
GC: 4ND YOU S4SS M3 FOR B31NG CONFUS1NG?    
CG: SHUT UP.    
CG: HE WOKE UP FOR A LITTLE WHILE, BUT THEN HE KIND OF    
CG: UGH   
CG: STOPPED BEING AWAKE.    
CG: I CAN'T GET ANY KIND OF RESPONSE OUT OF HIM, IT'S REALLY STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT.    
GC: >:[   
CG: HE'S JUST FUCKING LYING THERE LIKE   
CG: LIKE HE'S DYING OR SOMETHING   
CG: I MEAN NOT LITERALLY DYING, BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS SOPOR POISONING.    
CG: LET’S BOW OUR HEADS IN A MOMENT OF SILENCE AS WE LAY THAT IDEA TO REST BESIDE EVERY OTHER RETARDED, PSYCHOTIC OR OTHERWISE HORRENDOUSLY TERRIBLE IDEA THAT’S EVER COME OUT OF YOUR WINDHOLE.    
GC: >:\   
GC: 4T L34ST 1 H4D SOM3 1D34S, 1NST34D OF JUST FR34K1NG OUT L1K3 4 T1NY SC4R3D W1GGL3R   
GC: UNL1K3 C3RT41N P3OPL3 1 COULD N4M3 >;]   
CG: I SAID SHUT UP.    
CG: ANYWAY, IT’S OBVIOUS THAT HE’S IN REALLY BAD SHAPE, AND I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK ELSE TO DO ABOUT IT.    
CG: GOD, THIS IS SO NERVE-WRACKING.    
CG: WHAT DO I DO IF HE JUST STAYS LIKE THIS FOREVER.    
GC: L1ST3N, K4RK4T   
GC: 1V3 S33N SOLLUX 1N R34LLY B4D SH4P3   
CG: SMELLED, YOU MEAN.    
GC: NOP3 >:P   
GC: S33N   
GC: 1T W4S 4 LONG T1M3 4GO, DUR1NG TH3 T34M CH4RG3 D3B4CL3   
GC: SO 4CTU4LLY, SOLLUX 1N R34LLY B4D SH4P3 1S ON3 OF TH3 L4ST TH1NGS 1 3V3R S4W >:]   
CG: WAIT, WHAT.    
CG: YOU MEAN YOU SAW HIM THEN, LIKE IN PERSON?    
GC: Y34H   
CG: WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS?    
CG: HE NEVER MENTIONED THIS.    
CG: YOU NEVER MENTIONED IT EITHER.    
CG: WHAT IS THIS, SOME SORT OF BIG BULLSHIT CONSPIRACY ALL OF THE SUDDEN.    
CG: WHY ARE YOU GUYS KEEPING ME OUT OF THE LOOP.    
GC: HMMM K4RK4T, 1S TH4T 4 WH1FF OF J34LOUSY 1 SM3LL? >;]   
CG: WHAT.    
CG: FUCK YOU, NO IT’S NOT.    
GC: SUUUUUUUR3 1TS NOT >;]   
CG: I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY TWO OF MY GOOD FRIENDS ARE DOING SECRET SHENANIGANS BEHIND MY BACK, IS THAT A CRIME.    
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3   
GC: W3LL TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T 1 WOULD H4V3 TOLD YOU, BUT H3 4SK3D M3 NOT TO   
CG: HE DID.    
CG: WHY WOULD HE DO THAT.    
CG: DID YOU TWO HAVE A THING OR SOMETHING, IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.    
GC: >XO   
GC: K4RK4444444T   
CG: WHAT.    
CG: I'M RIGHT AREN’T I, YOU TWO HAD A THING.    
GC: Y3S, YOU 4R3 COMPL3T3LY R1GHT!    
GC: W3 H4D B1G SLOPPY M4K3OUTS DUR1NG 4 BR34K W3 TOOK FROM ORCH3STR4T1NG TH3 D3M1S3 OF TH3 W1CK3D 4ND MOURN1NG OV3R OUR GOOD FR13ND, WHO W3 R34LLY THOUGHT W4S D34D 4T TH3 T1M3   
GC: 4ND WHO 4LSO JUST SO H4PP3N3D TO B3 H1S G1RLFR13ND! R3M3MB3R???    
GC: TH4T 1S 3X4CTLY HOW 1T W3NT DOWN, 4ND TH3 F4CT TH4T YOU W3R3 4BL3 TO F1GUR3 1T OUT PROV3S TH4T YOU 4R3 1ND33D TH3 ROM4NC3 3XP3RT YOU CL41M TO B3! >:|   
CG: OKAY.    
CG: FINE.    
CG: I GUESS IN RETROSPECT THAT WAS A PRETTY STUPID QUESTION.    
GC: Y34H 1T R34LLY W4S   
CG: FINE, I’M A COMPLETE IDIOT WITH NUBBY LITTLE HORNS AND THE INTELLECT OF A CULLED WIGGLER WHO DIDN’T MAKE IT PAST DAY ONE IN THE BROODING CAVERNS, CAN WE MOVE ON NOW.    
GC: H3H3H3   
GC: 1TS OK4Y   
GC: B3C4US3 NOW 1 KNOW FOR SUR3 TH4T 1T W4S J34LOUSY >;]   
CG: WHATEVER.    
CG: SO WHY WAS HE AT YOUR HIVE THEN.    
CG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY.    
GC: OK4Y   
GC: SOLLUX C4M3 H3R3 D1R3CTLY FROM 4R4D14S H1V3, R1GHT 4FT3R 1T H4PP3N3D   
GC: 4S YOU C4N PROB4BLY 1M4G1N3, H3 W4S R34LLY UPS3T   
GC: H3 W4S 4 M3SS, 4CTU4LLY   
CG: SURPRISE SURPRISE.    
GC: SHHHH!    
GC: TH1NK 4BOUT WH4T H3 H4D JUST B33N THROUGH, 4NYON3 WOULD H4V3 F3LT TH3 S4M3 W4Y!    
CG: I GUESS.    
GC: >8|   
GC: OK4Y TH4T W4S 4M4Z1NGLY 1NS3NS1T1V3, 3V3N FOR YOU!    
GC: TH4T R34LLY M4K3S M3 WOND3R…   
CG: WONDER WHAT.    
GC: K4RK4T, WH4T D1D H3 T3LL YOU 4BOUT TH4T D4Y?    
CG: WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT.    
CG: YOU TOLD ME THE ENTIRE STORY, WE TALKED ABOUT IT LIKE ALL NIGHT BEFORE YOU WENT AFTER VRISKA.    
CG: HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS.    
CG: DON'T TELL ME YOU FORGOT.    
GC: 1 D1DNT FORG3T! >:\   
GC: 1F YOU H4D 4CTU4LLY B33N P4Y1NG 4TT3NT1ON 1NST34D OF JUST SHOUT1NG 1N YOUR BOR1NG, DR4B, GR4Y T3XT, WH1CH T4ST3S L1K3 CONCR3T3 BY TH3 W4Y, TH3N M4YB3 YOU WOULD R34L1Z3 TH4T 1SNT TH3 QU3ST1ON 1 4SK3D!    
GC: 1 SP3C1F1C4LLY 4SK3D WH4T SOLLUX TOLD YOU, NOT WH4T H4PP3N3D!    
CG: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT CONCRETE TASTES LIKE.    
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, ON SECOND THOUGHT NEVER MIND.    
CG: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOU LICKING PAVEMENT OR WHATEVER.    
CG: IF THERE EVEN IS ANY PAVEMENT NEAR YOUR TREE.    
CG: ACTUALLY THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION, HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO TASTE PAVEMENT?    
CG: HAVE YOU ACTUALLY BEEN TO SOME CIVILIZED PLACE WITH REAL HIVES AND STREETS AND LAWNRING CHAINS?    
CG: HAHAHA, I BET YOUR HABIT OF LICKING EVERYTHING WENT OVER GREAT WITH THE CULTURED TROLLS.    
GC: >:|   
GC: QU1T TRY1NG TO CH4NG3 TH3 SUBJ3CT W1TH YOUR SM4RT4SS3RY 4ND 4NSW3R TH3 QU3ST1ON!    
GC: WH4T D1D H3 T3LL YOU?    
CG: NOTHING.    
CG: HE NEVER TALKS ABOUT ANYTHING RELATING TO ARADIA, IT’S ANNOYING.    
CG: ANYWAY, HE DOESN'T REMEMBER THAT DAY AT ALL, IT'S SOME SORT OF WEIRD SIDE EFFECT OF BEING MIND-CONTROLLED.    
GC: WH4T!    
GC: H3 TOLD YOU TH4T?    
CG: YES, WHY.    
GC: >8\   
CG: ?:B   
GC: H3 R34LLY D1DNT S4Y 4NYTH1NG TO YOU 4T 4LL??    
CG: NOT UNLESS YOU COUNT THE GENERICALLY ANGSTY, MELODRAMATIC TEXT HE SENT ME THAT DAY.    
CG: BUT THAT’S BASICALLY IDENTICAL TO EVERY OTHER DAY, HAHAHA.    
CG: ANYWAY HE SUBSEQUENTLY FORGOT IT, SO I DON’T THINK IT COUNTS.    
GC: R3333334LLY? >:|   
GC: 4ND 1T D1DNT STR1K3 YOU 4S TH3 T33NS13ST B1T STR4NG3 TH4T H3 N3V3R D1SCUSS3D TH3 1NC1D3NT W1TH YOU??????    
CG: UM, NO?    
CG: I MEAN HE DOESN’T REMEMBER IT AND ARADIA TURNED OUT TO BE JUST FINE, SO WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY.    
GC: >:[   
GC: YOU KNOW K4RK4T, FOR 4 GUY WHO S33S JUST F1N3, YOU SUR3 C4N B3 BL1ND SOM3T1M3S!    
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN.    
GC: 1 DONT W4NT TO M3DDL3 B3TW33N YOU TWO   
GC: BUT 1M GONN4 4NYW4Y!    
GC: TH3R3S SOM3TH1NG YOU SHOULD KNOW 4BOUT TH4T D4Y   
CG: OH??    
GC: TH3 TRUTH 1S, H3 R3M3MB3RS 3V3RYTH1NG TH4T H4PP3N3D   
GC: 4LL OF 1T    
CG: HE DOES?    
GC: Y34H >:[   
CG: THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, WHY WOULD HE LIE TO ME ABOUT THAT.    
GC: OH HMMMMM, 1 DONT KNOW, M4YB3 B3C4US3 YOUR R3SP3CT 1S WORTH 4 LOT TO H1M FOR SOM3 UNF4THOM4BL3 R34SON??    
CG: WHAT? IT IS?    
CG: I MEAN, OF COURSE IT IS, I’M A HERO AND ANYBODY WOULD WANT MY RESPECT.    
CG: BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH HIM LYING TO ME ABOUT THIS OF ALL THINGS.    
CG: I JUST CAN’T SEE WHY HE WOULD EVEN DO THAT.    
GC: >:\   
GC: M4YB3 B3C4US3 H3 F3LT T3RR1BLY 4SH4M3D OF WH4T H3 H4D DON3??    
CG: YOU MEAN, WHAT VRISKA HAD DONE.    
CG: VRISKA DID THAT.    
CG: ANYTHING HE DID WHILE BEING MIND-CONTROLLED BY A SOCIOPATHIC SPIDER TROLL ISN'T HIS FAULT.    
CG: IT'S HERS.    
CG: WHY WOULD HE FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT.    
GC: BL444444444R K4RK4T YOU 4R3 SO FRUSTR4T1NG!! >XO   
GC: FOR ONC3 1N YOUR L1F3, TRY NOT TO TH1NK 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG 1N TH3 MOST S1MPL1ST1C, BL4CK 4ND WH1T3 W4Y 1M4G1N4BL3!    
GC: OF COURS3 H3 F3LT 4WFUL 4BOUT 1T! 3V3N THOUGH SP1D3R TROLL W4S 1N CONTROL, H3 W4S ST1LL TH3 W34PON!    
GC: H3 4TT4CK3D 4R4D14 W1TH H1S OWN TWO H4NDS!    
GC: OR H1S OWN TWO 3Y3S, 4S TH3 C4S3 M4Y B3 >:\   
CG: WAIT. ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT HE ACTUALLY BLAMES HIMSELF FOR VRISKA’S PSYCHO BULLSHIT. IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE.    
GC: >:]    
CG: MAN.    
CG: MAN!    
CG: SO HE’S BEEN HANGING ON TO THAT FOR ALL THIS TIME?    
CG: WHY DID HE NEVER TELL ME THIS, I’M SUPPOSED TO BE HIS BEST BRO.    
CG: I WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT HE WAS BEING.    
CG: WE COULD HAVE SETTLED THIS PERIGEES AGO AND SAVED OURSELVES A FLOAT VEHICLE CARGO OF ANGSTY BULLSHIT.    
GC: UM, K4RK4T   
GC: YOU KNOW TH4T TH1NG YOU JUST F1N1SH3D S4Y1NG?    
GC: TH4TS PROB4BLY WHY H3 D1DNT T3LL YOU >:\   
CG: WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN.    
GC: 1T M34NS TH4T 1T 1S 4N 1MM3NS3LY P41NFUL SUBJ3CT FOR H1M, 4ND M4YB3 H3 D1DNT W4NT YOU TO G1V3 H1M 4 H4RD T1M3 4BOUT 1T OR D1SM1SS 1T OUT OF H4ND!    
GC: WH1CH 1 B3T 1S 3X4CTLY WH4T YOU D1D 4T TH3 F1RST OPPORTUN1TY YOU GOT   
GC: OH W41T, 1 M34N TH3 *ONLY* OPPORTUN1TY YOU GOT   
GC: R1GHT? >:]   
CG: WELL.    
CG: I MEAN.    
CG: WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY, YOU KNOW HOW HE IS.    
CG: ALWAYS GOING ON ABOUT SOMETHING.    
CG: I FIGURED IT WAS JUST MORE OF THE OVERWROUGHT HYSTERICS THAT HE’S ALWAYS SPEWING.    
GC: HMMM, 4ND TH3N FOR SOM3 STR4NG3 R34SON, H3 D3C1D3D TO CL41M 4MN3S14    
GC: 1 WOND3R WHY!    
CG: LOOK, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT SOMETHING BAD HAD ACTUALLY HAPPENED THAT TIME.    
GC: W3LL 1 H4V3 4 NOV3L CONC3PT FOR YOU, M4YB3 YOU COULD TRY L1ST3N1NG TO SOM3ON3 OTH3R TH4N YOURS3LF FOR 4 CH4NG3! >:P   
GC: SOLLUX 1S MOODY 4ND OV3RS3NS1T1V3 4ND H3 BLOWS TH1NGS OUT OF PROPORT1ON, BUT SOM3T1M3S 1TS R34L!    
GC: YOU SHOULD KNOW TH4T BY NOW, H3S YOUR B3ST FR13ND!    
GC: OR M4YB3 3V3N    
GC: MOR3 TH4N TH4T??? >;] >;] >;]   
CG: GOD DAMN IT, WOULD YOU QUIT YOUR FUCKING INSINUATIONS ALREADY.    
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3   
CG: LOOK, WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE CURRENT SITUATION?    
CG: WHY ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS.    
CG: IT'S ANCIENT HISTORY.    
GC: >:\   
GC: OK4Y F11111N3, TH3 PO1NT 1S   
GC: SOLLUX 4LW4YS TH1NKS TH3 WORLD 1S 3ND1NG, ON3 W4Y OR 4NOTH3R   
GC: 1 GU3SS NOW TH4TS TRU3 L1T3R4LLY 4S W3LL 4S F1GUR4T1V3LY >:\   
GC: BUT H3 4LW4YS G3TS THROUGH 1T    
GC: WH4T YOU H4V3 TO R3M3MB3R 4BOUT SOLLUX 1S TH4T H3S 4LR34DY B33N THROUGH H1S OWN P3RSON4L 4RM4G3DDON ONC3, 4ND H3 C4M3 B4CK FROM TH4T   
GC: H3 W1LL COM3 B4CK FROM TH1S, TOO >:]   
CG: WILL HE.    
CG: ARE YOU SURE.    
GC: Y3S >:]   
CG: WHEN?    
CG: HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO WORRY THAT HE’LL FLIP HIS SHIT AGAIN AND BURN ME TO A CRISP IF I TURN MY BACK ON HIM FOR EVEN A SECOND.    
CG: AND BE PREPARED TO POUR MORE SOPOR SLIME DOWN HIS MEAL TUNNEL IF THINGS GET OUT OF HAND.    
GC: TH4TS NOT TH3 R1GHT QU3ST1ON TO 4SK, K4RK4T   
CG: NOT THE RIGHT QUESTION?    
CG: FINE, FILL ME IN THEN, WHAT’S THE RIGHT FUCKING QUESTION.    
CG: YOU TELL ME SINCE YOU SEEM TO KNOW EVERYTHING ALL OF THE SUDDEN.    
GC: YOUR3 G3TT1NG CLOS3R 4LR34DY >;]   
CG: UGH, MORE MIND GAMES.    
GC: 1 S41D YOUR3 G3TT1NG CLOS3R! TRY 4G41N, M4YB3 TH3 N3XT QU3ST1ON YOU 4SK W1LL B3 TH3 R1GHT ON3 >:]   
CG: OKAY FINE.    
CG: I’M PRETTY SURE I’M JUST SETTING MYSELF UP TO BE THOROUGHLY MOCKED AGAIN, BUT WHATEVER.    
CG: I’LL ASK ANOTHER QUESTION, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN’T HELPFULLY ANSWERED A SINGLE ONE OF THE ONES I’VE ASKED ALL NIGHT.    
CG: MY QUESTION IS THIS.    
CG: WHY IS HE HERE NOW, AND WHAT DOES HE WANT?    
CG: OH LOOK, A DOUBLE QUESTION, I THINK HE’S FUCKING GETTING TO ME.    
CG: THERE YOU GO, TWICE THE FODDER TO GIVE ME SHIT ABOUT, HAVE FUN.    
GC: H3H3H3H3   
GC: Y3S K4RK4T THOS3 4R3 TH3 R1GHT QU3ST1ONS! 1 KN3W WOULD F1GUR3 1T OUT 3V3NTU4LLY   
GC: 3V3N 1F 1T D1D T4K3 4LL D4Y >;]   
CG: FUCK OFF.    
GC: BUT ONC3 4G41N, YOUR3 4SK1NG TH3 R1GHT QU3ST1ONS TO TH3 WRONG P3RSON   
CG: WELL WHO IS THE RIGHT PERSON THEN, WHO SHOULD I BE ASKING THEM TO.    
GC: 1SNT 1T OBV1OUS?    
CG: WHY DON’T YOU GO AHEAD AND FUCKING ASSUME THAT IT FUCKING ISN’T, GIVEN THAT I JUST ASKED THE FUCKING QUESTION.    
GC: H1M, K4RK4T >:|   
GC: YOU SHOULD 4SK H1M TH4T    
CG: OH.    
CG: I GUESS THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUS, WASN’T IT.    
GC: Y34H >:]   
GC: BUT R34LLY, YOU SHOULDNT H4V3 TO 4SK   
CG: I SHOULDN’T.    
CG: WHY THE HELL NOT.    
GC: B3C4US3 TH3 4NSW3R 1S PR3TTY S3LF 3V1D3NT!    
CG: IS IT NOW.    
CG: THEN WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT THE ANSWER IS IF IT’S SO FUCKING CLEAR.    
CG: GO ON, I’M PREPARED TO BE SCHOOLFED RIGHT UP THE BONE BULGE BY YOUR VAST WISDOM ABOUT MY OWN BEST FRIEND, WHO IT TURNS OUT I APPARENTLY KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT.    
GC: >:\   
GC: K4RK4T 1 DONT TH1NK 1 SHOULD B3 TH3 ON3 TO T3LL YOU TH4T    
GC: 1F YOU C4NT F1GUR3 1T OUT FOR YOURS3LF, YOU W1LL JUST H4V3 TO GROW UP 4ND T4LK TO H1M!    
GC: 4ND 1 M34N 4CTU4LLY T4LK TO H1M, NOT JUST SHOUT 4T TH3 TOP OF YOUR LUNGS 4ND R3FUS3 TO L1ST3N TO 4NYTH1NG H3 T3LLS YOU 1N R3TURN L1K3 YOU USU4LLY DO   
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH LOOK MORE NON-ANSWERS, WHO WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING?    
CG: AND YET I WALKED RIGHT INTO IT AGAIN, LIKE A FUCKING VEGETABLE WHOSE PUZZLE SPONGE HAS ATROPHIED AFTER YEARS OF NEGLECT DUE TO PERSISTENT AND UNBROKEN WANKING.    
CG: IT’S FUCKING AMAZING HOW I NEVER LEARN.    
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H4H4H4H4H4, 1T SUR3 1S!    
CG: LOOK, I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL I SHOULD BE DOING HERE.    
CG: THAT’S ALL.    
CG: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?    
GC: H3H3H3   
GC: NOW TH4T QU3ST1ON, K4RK4T   
GC: TH4T 1S ON3 YOU N33D TO 4SK YOURS3LF >;]   
CG: GREAT.    
CG: THANKS, YOU’VE BEEN SO FUCKING HELPFUL, AS USUAL.    
CG: I CAN’T IMAGINE HOW PATHETICALLY LOST I’D BE WITHOUT YOUR BULLSHIT, HALF-ASSED SO-CALLED “ADVICE” TO GO ON.    
CG: OH GOD, AND TO TOP IT OFF, NOW ARADIA’S TROLLING ME AGAIN.    
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE WANT.    
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3, YOU SHOULD PROB4BLY GO F1ND OUT   
CG: UUUUUUGH.    
GC: BY333333333, K4RK4T >:]   
GC: JUST R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 S41D WH3N TH3 TRUTH ST4RTS TO COM3 OUT   
GC: C4US3 1 H4V3 4 HUNCH TH4TS GONN4 B3 SOON   
CG: FINE, WHATEVER.    
GC: 4ND SOM3 D4Y, 1 W1LL G3T TH3 WHOL3 STORY OUT OF YOU! >:]   
GC: 3V3RY N4UGHTY D3T41L    
GC: >;]   
CG: HA.    
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA.    
CG: DON’T COUNT ON IT.    
GC: H3H3H3H3H3! >;]

gallowsCalibrator [GC]  ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 


	26. Chapter 26

apocalypseArisen [AA]  began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] 

AA: h0w is s0llux d0ing   
AA: karkat    
AA: hell0    
AA: karkat are y0u there   
CG: FOR FUCK’S SAKE, HOLD YOUR FUCKING HOOFBEASTS.    
CG: I WAS TALKING TO THE OTHER PSYCHO GIRL.    
CG: TODAY HAS BEEN A STRESSFUL FUCKING DAY AND I’M NOT EXACTLY UP TO THE TASK OF DEALING WITH TWO INFLUXES OF CRAZY AT THE SAME TIME.    
CG: SO YOU HAD TO WAIT. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.    
AA: its 0k   
AA: h0w is he   
CG: OH, SO NOW SUDDENLY YOU CARE.    
CG: IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME.    
AA: 0_0   
CG: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, HE'S STILL FUCKING TERRIBLE.    
CG: HE WON'T MOVE OR TALK OR ANSWER ME AT ALL.    
CG: HE'S JUST LYING THERE, FUCKING CATATONIC OR SOMETHING.    
CG: I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.    
CG: IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED.    
CG: WAS IT WORTH IT TO INDULGE YOUR SPOOKY FANTASIES.    
AA: its n0t like that   
AA: as i already explained t0 y0u   
CG: WHATEVER.    
CG: HE'S BEEN LIKE THIS PRACTICALLY ALL DAY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO ANYMORE.    
AA: i think maybe there is a way i can help after all   
AA: can y0u tell him i want t0 talk t0 him   
CG: OH, NOW SUDDENLY YOU HAVE A SOLUTION, WELL ISN'T THAT CONVENIENT.    
CG: WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IDEA DID YOUR FUCKED-UP SPONGE SUDDENLY HATCH THAT WAS SO BEYOND YOU MERE HOURS AGO.    
AA: there are s0me things i can tell him ab0ut his r0le and ab0ut the future that i think he will find enc0uraging   
AA: and that will help him t0 feel better   
CG: WAIT.    
CG: SO YOUR PLAN IS TO SCHOOLFEED HIM EVEN MORE SPOOKY BULLSHIT LIES THAT AUGMENT THE LOONEYBLOCK SHITHIVE NONSENSE YOU ALREADY HAVE HIM BELIEVING.    
CG: AND YOU EXPECT THIS TO SOMEHOW MAKE THINGS BETTER.    
CG: INSTEAD OF FUCKING UP HIS THINK PAN EVEN WORSE THAN IT ALREADY IS, WHICH IS WHAT WOULD UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE ACTUAL RESULT OF THAT.    
CG: AS ANYBODY WHO IS EVEN CASUALLY ACQUAINTED WITH REALITY COULD EASILY PREDICT.    
CG: WHAT A FANTASTIC FUCKING PLAN, I’M AWASH IN SHAME THAT I DIDN’T THINK OF IT FIRST.    
AA: they are n0t lies they are truths ab0ut the future   
AA: i already explained that t0 y0u t00   
CG: OH WELL EXCUSE ME IF I'M NOT EXACTLY SWOONING OVER THE IDEA OF BELIEVING EVERYTHING YOU SAY.    
CG: YOU ONLY PUT MY BEST FRIEND INTO A TOTAL MENTAL BREAKDOWN.    
CG: OBVIOUSLY I SHOULD BE TREMBLING WITH EXCITEMENT AT THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE THINGS YOU SAY SERIOUSLY.    
AA: y0u d0nt have t0 believe me   
AA: im 0k with that   
AA: just put s0llux 0n   
CG: HA.    
CG: I DON'T THINK SO.    
CG: HE'S NOT HEARING ANOTHER FUCKING WORD OF YOUR DREARY DOOMSDAY SHIT ON MY WATCH.    
CG: IN FACT, I'M GOING TO KEEP HIM AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE.    
CG: MAN, WHAT WAS I EVEN THINKING WHEN I ASKED YOU TO TALK TO HIM.    
CG: THAT WAS A COMPLETELY IDIOTIC IDEA, EVEN BY MY STANDARDS.    
CG: FUCK THAT.    
CG: AND FUCK YOU, FOR GOOD MEASURE.    
CG: AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, FUCK ME FOR EVER COMING TO YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE.    
AA: 0_0   
AA: i have n0 intenti0n 0f making the situati0n w0rse   
AA: n0r 0f lying t0 him   
AA: everything i say will be the strictest truth   
CG: GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD BELIEVE YOU.    
AA: 0k   
AA: h0w ab0ut because y0u seem t0 be unable t0 handle the situati0n by y0urself   
CG: HOW ABOUT YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF.    
AA: 0_0   
CG: FINE, MAYBE I AM WILDLY INCOMPETENT AT DEALING WITH MY OWN BEST FRIEND.    
CG: CAN WE GO AHEAD AND AGREE THAT IT’S PATHETIC AND TERRIBLE AND I’M A SAD EXCUSE FOR A BEST BRO AND NOT WASTE A BUNCH OF TIME DWELLING ON IT.    
CG: BUT NONE OF THAT MAKES YOU ANY MORE HONEST, ANY LESS INSANE OR ANY LESS LIKELY TO FUCK AROUND WITH SOLLUX’S ALREADY FUCKED UP PAN.    
AA: 0k then   
AA: i will jump thr0ugh whatever h00ps y0u w0uld like me t0   
AA: what w0uld c0nvince y0u t0 let me talk t0 him   
CG: NOTHING.    
AA: 0_0   
CG: I DON'T TRUST A GOD DAMNED WORD THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AT THIS POINT.    
CG: SO YOU CAN JUST CRAM THAT DOWN YOUR MEAL TUNNEL AND FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.    
AA: 0k   
AA: y0ure making this very difficult by being s0 stubb0rn   
CG: YOU'RE MAKING THIS VERY DIFFICULT BY BEING BATSHIT CRAZY!    
AA: this is p0intless   
AA: let me kn0w when y0u are in a m0re reas0nable m00d   
CG: HAHAHA.    
CG: THAT'S NEVER GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN.    
CG: MY MIND IS COMPLETELY MADE UP, YOU'RE JUST WASTING YOUR TIME IF YOU THINK YOU CAN CHANGE IT.    
AA: 0k

apocalypseArisen [AA]  ceased trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG] 


	27. Chapter 27

You turn off your computer with an air of finality and sit down cross-legged next to Sollux, just outside of his barrier. Then you start talking to him. You talk about good times you’ve had together, about the ridiculous shit your mutual friends have pulled, about your future life as a heroic Threshecutioner; anything you can think of that might make him forget his existential angst for long enough to crack a smile. You talk until you find yourself slipping into dangerously sentimental territory that you would never dare enter while speaking to a conscious Captor. But he remains stoically unresponsive to all of it, and finally you rein yourself in.

“Okay,” you sigh, uncrossing your legs and getting to your feet. “I guess that’s enough of that. Whenever you decide you want to wake up and talk, just…just say something,” you finish lamely. “I won’t go far.” 

After that, you wander around your hive, occupying your time with any trivial task you can think of. You order a new mirror; you re-alphabetize your movies; you clean out your thermal hull. You change the bandage on your wrist. You even spend time with your lusus voluntarily, for once, scratching him behind the auricular sponge clots and reassuring him about all of the commotion he’s been overhearing. The mirror arrives via courier drone and you hang it on the bathing block wall, wincing as you see that your sniffnode is swollen to twice its usual size and covered in ugly, green bruising. 

All the while, you make sure to check in on Sollux every few minutes. Each time you approach, you get your hopes up that this time he may be awake at last, and each time, you are disappointed. 

Eventually you run out of ways to keep busy. You return to Sollux’s side and lie down next to him, sharing in his silence. You study the ceiling, which is printed with a mesh pattern that you have never really paid attention to until now. You listen to the hop insects chirp outside your hive walls, their song plainly audible through the cracks. You manage to doze lightly for a few minutes. When you wake up, still groggy and exhausted, you reluctantly concede defeat. Aradia was right; you really can’t handle this by yourself. You need her help, and now you are going to have to eat cawbird and admit it to her. 

You groan quietly to yourself as you get up and return to your computer station. You might be facing your second humiliating apology in as many hours. Way to go, Vantas. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CG: OKAY.   
CG: THIS IS GOING TO SOUND RIDICULOUS GIVEN THE TENOR OF OUR LAST CONVERSATION.    
CG: BUT   
CG: I SORT OF CHANGED MY MIND.    
CG: I WANT YOU TO TALK TO SOLLUX.    
CG: OKAY THERE, I FUCKING SAID IT.    
AA: 0k   
CG: SO WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO NOW, DO I HAVE TO COME CRAWLING TO YOU ON MY BELLY WITH AN APOLOGY OR WHAT.    
AA: n0   
AA: i d0nt care ab0ut that   
CG: OKAY FINE THEN WHAT WILL IT TAKE.    
CG: JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU ALREADY.    
AA: n0thing   
CG: AAAAAUGH, ARE YOU SERIOUS.    
CG: I'M BEING AS ACCOMMODATING AS I POSSIBLY FUCKING CAN AND YOU'RE TELLING ME IT'S STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH??    
AA: n0   
CG: HERE I AM EXTENDING A FUCKING OLIVE BRANCH OF GOODWILL, AND YOU RECOIL FROM IT LIKE I’M MENACING YOU WITH A CRUSTY BEHEMOTH LEAVING.    
CG: WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DIFFICULT NOW OF ALL TIMES.    
AA: i am n0t being difficult   
AA: y0u are n0t listening   
CG: LOOK I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE AND PUT THIS PAST US SO WE CAN MOVE ON.    
CG: CAN WE JUST FUCKING DO THAT ALREADY.    
AA: 0k   
AA: y0u can ap0l0gize if y0u want t0   
CG: OKAY.    
CG: I'M A USELESS GRUBFISTED DOUCHE WITH UNDERDEVELOPED THINKNODES WHO CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT, MY FACE IS UGLIER THAN THE SAGGING, WRINKLED SHAME GLOBES OF AN AGED HOOFBEAST, I SMELL WORSE THAN CURDLED, FETID MUSCLEBEAST MILK, I’M BASICALLY COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY WORTHLESS IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE, I SHOULD BE TARRED IN THE SHIT OF A THOUSAND RABID CLIMBBEASTS AND FEATHERED WITH THE PLUMAGE OF A MILLION LOONS AND PLACED ON DISPLAY IN THE TOWN’S CENTRALIZED COMMUNAL LAWNRING SO THAT OTHERS CAN LEARN HOW NOT TO ACT AS THEY LISTEN TO THE WORTHLESS GAPER SLUDGE THAT ERUPTS FROM MY WINDHOLE AND TRIES UNSUCCESSFULLY TO PASS ITSELF OFF AS INTELLIGENT SPEECH.    
CG: DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.    
AA: 0_0   
AA: if i say yes will y0u st0p talking and put s0llux 0n   
CG: THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT, ISN'T IT?    
AA: then yes   
CG: OKAY.    
CG: I'LL GO TALK TO HIM.    
CG: ALTHOUGH THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT THIS IS GOING TO WORK OR ANYTHING.    
CG: JUST SO YOU KNOW.    
CG: I MEAN, HE'S BEEN PRETTY FUCKING COMMITTED TO MASQUERADING AS PART OF MY HIVE FLOOR UP UNTIL NOW.    
CG: BUT WE'LL SEE I GUESS.    
AA: 0k

carcinoGeneticist [CG]  ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

You drop to your knees next to Sollux and lean in close to his barrier. “Hey,” you say, hesitantly ghosting your hand over the invisible barricade in the general vicinity of his shoulder. “Aradia wants to talk to you.”

And just like that, his eyes open. “AA?” he says in a voice gravelly from lack of use, peering up at you curiously from the shaded hollow beneath his arm. “What does she want?” 

Your digestion sac freezes into a block of solid ice and goes plummeting through the floor. You can’t breathe; it feels like he punched you in the gut. _All day_ you spent trying to get through to him without success, and the merest mention of Aradia’s name has the power to snap him out of it instantaneously. Nothing could make it clearer to you exactly where you rank in his hierarchy of importance. 

You straighten and whirl so that he can’t see the expression on your face. “How the fuck should I know?” you snap testily. “What do I look like, your personal fucking messenger service? I told you as much as I know, shitsponge. Ask her yourself!” 

You watch Sollux sidelong as he banishes his barrier with a half-hearted snap of his fingers and slowly pushes himself into a sitting position. He winces as he discovers what are no doubt the same aches and pains you felt this morning. He rolls his injured shoulder backwards and forwards a few times, then stretches out the stained, tattered remains of his shirt and gives it a jaundiced look. He shakes his head and gets to his feet, then crosses the room to your computer station. You follow him and stand behind his shoulder as he sits down and starts typing. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

CG: hii.    
CG: iit2 me.    
CG: KK 2aiid you wanted two talk two me.    
AA: yes   
AA: i have s0mething imp0rtant t0 discuss with y0u   
AA: it is ab0ut y0ur r0le and the things y0u must d0 t0 bring ab0ut the future that has already been ch0sen by parad0x space   
CG: okay that wa2 defiiniitely my2teriiou2.    
CG: hang on for two 2econd2.    
AA: 0k

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA] 

You watch as Sollux signs out of your account and back in under his own screen name. Messages start popping up immediately, and Sollux hisses in disapproval as they quickly fill the entire screen. Everybody on his chump roll is trying to get ahold of him; not surprising, given that he’s been incommunicado for four days now. He banishes all of the windows except for Aradia’s.

Then he proceeds to just sit there, fingers poised expectantly over the keys, while you look on in growing impatience. Finally you can’t take it anymore. “What the fuck are you waiting for?” you demand. 

Sollux turns his head part way to look at you out of the corner of his eye. “For you to go away, KK. You can stop reading over my shoulder now.” 

“Hell no,” you retort. “I am reading every fucking word she says to you, and if she so much as drops the tiniest hint of a modicum of a suggestion that she is about to mess with your head again, I’ll pull the grubtube on this so fast she won’t even know what hit her!” 

“Oh, come on,” says Sollux, scrubbing tiredly at one eye. “You are not going to stand there and spy on our entire conversation.” 

“Watch me,” you snap. 

Sollux squeezes his eyes shut and presses his fingers to his temples. “Okay, you know what?” he says through clenched teeth. “I don’t have the energy to argue with you right now. If you are dead set on being a complete hoofbeast’s ass about this, go right ahead and read to your blood pusher’s content.” 

“I intend to,” you reply smugly. 

“Fine,” Sollux replies shortly. He puts his prongs down on the keyboard and begins.


	28. Chapter 28

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hii agaiin AA.   
AA: hell0   
TA: KK ii2 iin2ii2tiing on readiing over my 2houlder becau2e he ii2 an iincrediible douchebag.   
AA: 0k   
TA: ii ju2t thought you 2hould know that everythiing we 2ay ii2 beiing 2nooped on by the mo2t 2tubborn and terriible per2on we know.   
TA: 2o you 2hould maybe watch what you deciide two 2ay, becau2e you never know what wiill make hiim fliip hii2 2hiit.   
TA: waiit, iit2 two late he ii2 fliippiing hii2 2hiit already.   
TA: thii2 ii2 goiing two be a long conver2atiion two pa22, ii2nt iit.   
AA: its 0k   
AA: hell0 karkat   
AA: y0u can read 0ur discussi0n if it makes y0u feel better   
TA: iim not goiing two repeat the thiing he ju2t 2aiid iin re2pon2e two that.   
TA: ii dont want two help hiim iin beiing a 2tupiid a22hole, he cant make me.   
TA: al2o becau2e iit2 iidiiotiic for me two relay me22age2 between the two of you, really that ii2 ju2t about the dumbe2t wa2te of tiime iimagiinable.   
AA: 0k   
AA: thats fine   
TA: what2 thii2 thiing you wanted two dii2cu22 wiith me.   
AA: it is ab0ut y0ur r0le in the upc0ming events   
AA: y0u have imp0rtant w0rk t0 d0   
AA: they t0ld me ab0ut all 0f it   
TA: urgh ii dont want two hear about your voiice2 today, ii have enough two deal wiith ju2t lii2teniing two my own.   
TA: you wouldnt even beliieve the awful thiing2 iive heard lately.   
AA: i think i w0uld   
TA: and ii 2aw the mo2t terriible thiing2 iin my vii2iion2, ii mean FUCK.   
TA: iim goiing two diie you know.   
TA: we all are, ii 2aw iit.   
AA: i kn0w   
TA: and not ju2t u2, all troll2 wiill diie.   
TA: ii 2aw the va2t glub, iit wiill happen pretty 2oon.   
TA: troll2 a2 a 2peciie2 are iimmiinently decea2ed, there ii2 nothiing we can do about iit.   
AA: i kn0w that t00   
TA: 2o then why are you tryiing two tell me there are iimportant thiings ii have two do.   
TA: what can po22iibly be iimportant iif we are all about two diie how doe2 that make any 2en2e??   
TA: what2 the poiint.   
TA: of anythiing anymore.   
TA: we may a2 well not even bother gettiing out of our cocoon2.   
AA: its n0t as simple as y0u think   
TA: iimpendiing doom for our whole ciiviiliizatiion 2eem2 pretty fuckiing 2iimple two me.   
AA: 0nly because y0u d0nt fully understand yet   
TA: but the future ii2 fiixed and cant be made two change, youre alway2 telliing me that.   
AA: that is true   
TA: 2o what dont ii under2tand, what exactly am ii mii22iing iin thiinkiing that the death of all troll2 ii2 a pretty fuckiing 2eriiou2 and diire 2iituatiion??   
AA: it is dire   
AA: in fact the situati0n is even m0re grave than y0u realize   
AA: it is n0t merely the death 0f all tr0lls that is c0ming but the c0mplete destructi0n 0f this universe   
TA: wow FUCK.   
TA: ii thought thii2 conver2atiion wa2 2uppo2ed two make me feel better, not two make me want two goak;an;g b;oeajkfh   
TA: a;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;dgs gjk;a;   
TA: l;akbd   
TA: s i[ n   
TA: ‘   
TA: ;so;bn [ap   
TA: pobkmm,mk,d   
TA: OH MY GOD.   
TA: WHY DID I EVEN AGREE TO LET YOU TWO TALK, HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN I GET.   
TA: I'M SIGNING HIM OFF NOW, YOU CAN GGGGGGGSDLLKFJ;A;LASKJF VA;F    
TA: ;ALSFKBPRY   
TA: SLKDJcvbyiva   
TA: damn iit!   
TA: that wa2 KK he ii2 2eriiou2ly fliippiing out over here.   
TA: hang on whiile ii try two calmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm0GTGhrw['   
AA: 0_0

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked  apocalypseArisen [AA]

twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked  apocalypseArisen [AA]

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked  apocalypseArisen [AA]

twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked  apocalypseArisen [AA]

twinArmageddons [TA] blocked  apocalypseArisen [AA]

twinArmageddons [TA] unblocked  apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: urrrrghhhhh okay he2 gone for now.   
TA: he ii2 2ulkiing iin the corner liike a wiiggler.   
TA: we 2hould probably make thii2 quiick ii have thii2 feeliing that he ii2 goiing two come back.   
AA: 0k   
TA: 2o what ii2 thii2 iimportant work iim 2uppo2ed two do.   
TA: and why 2hould ii do iit.   
TA: why 2hould ii giive two 2hiits about anythiing at thii2 poiint, nothiing make2 the 2liighte2t biit of diifference iif we are all goiing two be dead 2oon.   
TA: and dont tell me iit2 becau2e the voiice2 2aiid iit ha2 two be that way, iim not feeliing very iincliined two do a bunch of meaniingle22 bull2hiit ju2t becau2e they 2aiid iit ha2 two happen.   
AA: the ruins are the key s0llux   
TA: oh god, not your 2tupiid ruiin2 agaiin, ii am 2o not iin the mood for that.   
TA: ii cant even care about that on my be2t day2 much le22 riight now.   
AA: but y0u will   
AA: y0u will learn h0w t0 use the alien techn0l0gy and t0 dec0de the glyphs   
AA: there are tw0 sets 0f ruins s0llux   
AA: it has t0 be y0u   
TA: ii fiind that hard two beliieve AA.   
TA: iit 2ound2 pretty fuckiing poiintle22 two me, why would ii 2uddenly 2tart two care about that.   
TA: ii mean 2eriiou2ly, what a wa2te of the liittle tiime ii have left.   
AA: because the techn0l0gy h0lds the key t0 bringing us a chance t0 save 0ur civilizati0n   
AA: its the 0nly way   
TA: whoa waiit are you 2eriiou2.   
TA: iit wiill 2ave our ciiviiliizatiion?   
AA: the c0de will let us escape the great und0ing   
AA: 0r m0re precisely what y0u d0 with the c0de will   
TA: iim 2uppo2ed two 2omehow 2ave the uniiver2e wiith thii2 code, iis that what you are tryiing two 2ay two me??   
AA: n0   
AA: the great und0ing will happen   
AA: it cann0t be averted   
AA: but 0ur universe is n0 m0re than a tiny c0rner 0f parad0x space   
AA: we will escape that particular catastr0phe   
TA: wow okay, thii2 ii2 gettiing pretty miind blowiing now.   
TA: ii hate two 2ay thii2 but iit all 2ound2 kiind of crazy.   
AA: and yet    
AA: it will happen   
TA: then agaiin, iif we e2cape two 2omewhere that ii2 iin a diiferent uniiver2e or whatever, that could help two explaiin 2ome of the weiirder vii2iion2 iive had lately.   
TA: 2ome of them are next two iimpo22iible two make any 2en2e of.   
TA: okay KK ii2 back he ii2 hoveriing over my 2houlder agaiin.   
AA: 0k   
AA: karkat it w0uld be best if y0u did n0t interfere anym0re   
AA: it just makes things needlessly difficult   
TA: nope, 2tiill not pa22iing hii2 re2pon2e on two you.   
TA: ugh hang on he want2 me two 2croll up 2o he can read the thiing2 he mii22ed whiile he wa2 throwiing hii2 liittle pupa hii22y fiit two miinute2 ago.   
TA: eheheheheheh, iit2 hiilariiou2 how 2tupiidly iimmature he 2tart2 two act when 2omeone poiint2 out that he2 beiing iimmature.   
TA: iit ii2 really iironiic and he doe2nt realiize that becau2e he ii2 two dumb.   
TA: anyway, ii thiink iim goiing two let hiim do what he want2 before he can 2tart two ma2h on the keyboard agaiin.   
AA: 0k   
TA: ok he2 done.   
AA: 0k   
TA: 2o where were we.   
TA: oh yeah.   
TA: iim 2uppo2ed two hack thii2 aliien biinary ruiin2 code or whatever iit ii2 and then do 2omethiing wiith iit that wiill tran2port u2 iintwo another diimen2iion, ii2 that riight?   
TA: what the hell am ii goiing two do two make that happen, ii cant even iimagiine what iit would be.   
AA: and yet   
AA: y0u will d0 it   
TA: how?   
AA: when the time c0mes i am sure y0u will kn0w what t0 d0    
TA: oh man.   
TA: why are you choo2iing now two go back two 2pooky conundrum2, ii really want two know how ii 2uppo2edly wiill open a gateway two another uniiver2e or whatever.   
AA: the right c0urse 0f acti0n will c0me naturally t0 y0u   
TA: great thank2 that explaiin2 everythiing.   
TA: ii appreciiate how you are an2weriing all of my que2tiion2 iin 2uch a 2traiightforward and iinformatiive way.   
TA: ii2 iit really po22iible two 2ave our ciiviiliizatiion even though we are all goiing two diie, how doe2 that even work.   
AA: parad0x space d0es n0t hand 0ut prizes easily   
AA: we will face many trials after 0ur escape in 0ur eff0rts t0 create a new h0me f0r 0urselves   
AA: but we will succeed   
AA: we will create a new universe   
TA: create a new uniiver2e??   
TA: wow FUCK.   
TA: ii mean that diidnt addre22 the que2tiion ii actually a2ked two you, but 2tiill WOW FUCK.   
TA: are you beiing 2eriiou2 riight now.   
AA: yes   
TA: holy 2hiit.   
TA: okay 2o let me 2ee iif iive got thii2 2traiight.   
TA: ii hack the code, ii do 2ome my2tery thiing wiith iit, we e2cape from the uniiver2e before iit end2, then we go through tho2e triial2 you mentiioned and we make a new uniiver2e for troll 2ociiety two 2omehow be re2urrected iin.   
TA: doe2 that about 2um iit up.   
AA: what y0u just said is an accurate descripti0n 0f the c0urse 0f events that w0uld lead t0 a fav0rable 0utc0me   
TA: huh.   
TA: what a roundabout way of 2ayiing ye2.   
TA: 2o what youre telliing me ii2 that we manage two 2ave troll ciiviiliizatiion even though we all diie in the proce22.   
AA: that is m0st certainly the c0nclusi0n y0u just reached   
TA: well iin that ca2e ii gue22 ii can 2ee the iimportance of your ruiin2 after all.   
TA: are you 2ure all that 2tuff you ju2t 2aiid ii2 the truth.   
TA: are you lyiing two me two make me feel better diid KK put you up two thii2.   
TA: he ha2 been tryiing two conviince me that my vii2iion2 are bull2hiit all day.   
TA: he ju2t 2macked my head, he ii2 2uch a fuckiing tool.   
AA: n0   
AA: i am n0t lying t0 y0u   
AA: he did ask me t0 lie but i w0nt d0 it   
AA: everything i have said is the truth   
TA: 2o then ii 2uppo2e iill be goiing out there 2oon two 2ee the2e ruiin2 for my2elf.   
TA: and payiing KN a vii2iit at her ruiin2 two ii gue22.   
AA: yes   
TA: okay.   
TA: ii 2tiill have lot2 of que2tiion2 for you, but iim goiing two go for now.   
TA: ii have two deal with KK before he completely fliie2 off the handle.   
TA: there, he 2macked my head agaiin, you 2ee what ii mean.   
AA: 0k    
TA: 2o later, ii gue22.   
AA: g00dbye

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]


	29. Chapter 29

Sollux signs off, and suddenly you become excruciatingly aware that the two of you are alone together in your respiteblock. It’s as if Aradia was acting as some sort of buffer between you, despite being present only as a string of deep red text; now that she’s gone, you don’t want to be anywhere near his personal space. You retreat to the far side of the block, placing your recuperacoon squarely between the two of you, and eye Sollux warily.

The chair scrapes against the floor as he pushes it slowly back from your computer station. He stands and turns halfway towards you, one hand resting diffidently on the back of his neck, his gaze fixed somewhere off to your left. “I think,” he begins uncertainly, “I’m supposed to write some sort of program to save our civilization?” 

You swallow the sarcastic retort that jumps to your lips regarding the reasonability of that statement and remain silent. You aren’t sure how cool that was, Aradia selling him a heaping pile of additional morose bullshit the way she just did. You aren’t sure how cool it was for you to stand by and let her do it. But you stupidly lost your temper and retreated right at the worst possible moment, and by the time you got back, the damage had already been done. Aradia was nub-deep in her macabre fantasies, and Sollux was eating it up like grubcake, as usual. You really blew it. Again. 

But you aren’t going to try to talk him out of believing any of it, because, sad though it may be, at least her stories got him up and moving again. In the end, anything’s better than Sollux languishing indefinitely on your hive floor because he thinks he has no reason left to live. 

He glances up and catches you looking at him, and both of you immediately swivel your heads away in embarrassment. The awkwardness hangs so thick in the air you could cut it with your sickle. 

“I, uh…” Sollux trails off, then clears his throat and tries again. “Sorry about your hive, dude. I’ll fix those.” He’s looking at the huge cracks in your walls. 

“Can you?” you ask, startled by the offer. 

“Yeah,” he says tiredly. “Give me two minutes here.” He goes over to the nearest blast hole and leans in to inspect it carefully, running his fingertips over the edges. Then he straightens and closes his eyes. You look on impatiently as he lifts one hand and takes a deep breath. 

Then he snaps his fingers, and a blinding flash of red and blue fills the room. It’s there fore a mere fraction of a second, but it’s bright enough to leave trails seared into your vision. 

“Okay,” he says. “Check it out.” 

Eyes narrowed suspiciously, you approach. Sollux gets out of your way with the same urgency you felt earlier when faced with the prospect of being physically near him. You peer at the place where the largest crack used to be. 

There’s…there’s nothing there! If you hadn’t been staring at the sky through those gaping holes all day, you wouldn’t believe they had ever been there in the first place. 

You whirl toward Sollux, your astonishment momentarily outweighing your embarrassment. “How?” you demand simply. 

“Eheh.” He smiles wanly. “You could say I have some practice.” He laces his prongs together nervously and stares at the floorboards. His voice comes out in an awkward deadpan. “Um. Would you mind if I use your ablution trap? It won’t take long.” 

“Fine.” You look him over critically. “If you drop your clothes down the chute, I’ll wash them.” 

“Okay, cool.” He turns and steals off quietly up the stairs. 

It gets much easier to breathe as soon as he’s out of the room. You heave a huge sigh and sag against the side of your cocoon. Now that Sollux is awake and more or less functional again, the tension that drove you through the night and the first part of the day has broken. In the wake of it, you find yourself feeling…empty. Drained, exhausted and empty. The way that deadlock came to a close feels almost anticlimactic after all of the fear and stress you went through leading up to it. You aren’t sure exactly how you imagined it ending; maybe with another signature Captor emotional meltdown, maybe with more holes being punched through your hive walls, maybe with an epic feelings jam that would end with you hugging it out like bros; you don’t know. But definitely _something,_ some big event worthy of all the drama that preceded it. Not _nothing,_ as had actually come to pass. Not Sollux simply rolling to his feet and resuming normal operation as soon as you said the magic word. 

The magic word, as it turns out, was Aradia’s name. It still hurts, how willing he was to talk to her when he wouldn’t talk to you even after a whole night and day of cajoling. She’s his true matesprit; of that you can no longer have any doubt. 

You hear the soft whooshing sound of clothing sliding down the chute and into the cloth slosher, and you dredge up enough energy to push away from your cocoon and trudge into the laundering block. You glance in the slosher and wrinkle your nose; his clothes are a mess of dried, flaking red and yellow blood. You grimace as you close the lid and start the cycle. 

You lean back against the machine, clicking your claws idly against the metal rim as you wait for it to finish. You hear the trap running above you, and your thoughts are yanked inescapably back to the shower you took after last night’s debacle. You have managed to avoid contemplating it until now; in fact, you have avoided thinking about anything that happened last night, so fixed were your thoughts on Sollux and how to bring him back from his state of catatonic despair; but now that he’s awake again, you can no longer avoid it. Your cheeks flush bright crimson. How you wish you could forget what you did during that shower. But you don’t deserve to sweep it under the decorative floor covering and pretend like it never happened. You have to face what you did head-on: your crowning moment of depravity and shame when you jerked off while Sollux lay sick and unconscious on your respiteblock floor. 

But before you can really get wrapped up in what promises to be an unparalleled wallow in misery and self-loathing, the thought crosses your mind that maybe it wasn’t entirely your fault. After all, the only reason you needed to get off so urgently while he was in such a sad state was because he flipped from sex to meltdown in the space of a single beat of a blood pusher. He bears at least some responsibility for the terrible timing, doesn’t he? 

You shake your head. What was he doing coming on to you like that when he was half a step away from a complete mental breakdown? 

Actually, there’s an even bigger question than that. You just finished concluding that he and Aradia are still matesprits; what was he doing coming on to you at all? 

The slosher dings, bringing you a welcome distraction from the disturbing implications of your train of thought. You pop it open and glance inside, and your eyes widen in dismay at the sight that greets you. His shirt has, quite literally, fallen apart; it is now little more than patches of fabric tangled together by fraying threads. Definitely unsalvageable. You fish out the bulk of the mess and take it to the waste receptacle in your living block. 

Then you return to the slosher to retrieve his pants, and you blush when this reveals his underwear sitting beneath them. You quickly squeeze your eyes shut. “Damn it, Vantas! You pathetic fucking wiggler!” You talk to yourself like this a lot; it’s a habit evolved over a lifetime spent being your own only company. “You have about as much spinal column as a jiggling puddle of green gaper slime. I’m ashamed to _know_ you, much less to _be_ you!” This really should not be a big deal. It isn’t as if you’ve never seen them before. In fact, every time he stays the night, Sollux ends up wandering around your hive in a pair of his ubiquitous yellow boxers while he’s getting ready for cocoon. But today you find the garment’s presence mortifying. Truth be told, you forgot that underwear were a thing that existed when you offered to wash his clothes for him. 

“Keep it together, Vantas!” you hiss. You take a deep breath. Then you dart forward, pick them up with a leg of the jeans and quickly roll the whole thing into a ball so that the yellow fabric is safely out of sight. 

Challenge successfully negotiated, you sigh in relief. Your cheeks are still burning. “That was a fucking embarrassment,” you mutter accusingly. But although there’s no denying that you just made a complete ass out of yourself, at least this time you managed to do it in private. No one else ever has to know. 

You grab his socks and return briefly to your respiteblock for a roll of gauze and one of your spare shirts. Then you go upstairs and lay the whole pile on the floor next to the ablution block. 

You rap on the door sharply with one knuckle. “Hey!” you call. “There are clothes out here for you!” There is no response, but you hear the trap shut off, and you quickly return to your living block so that he has privacy when he opens the door to retrieve them. 

As you settle yourself on the couch, you hear the door open and then shut again. Your blood pusher kicks up a notch and your digestion sac starts to churn with dread. He’s going to come out soon, and that means you’ll have to actually _talk_ to him. What the hell are you going to say? What _can_ you say after the events that transpired last night? 

You chew on your lip nervously as you try to figure out how on Alternia you’re going to face him.


	30. Chapter 30

Sollux’s dismayed cry startles you out of your nervous stewing. You swivel around and glance at the stairs, eyebrows raised. “Everything okay up there?” you call.

“KK, what the fuck is this?” he demands in a shrill tone. “Where’s my shirt?” 

You frown and hop off the couch to go stand at the bottom of the stairs. “It was ruined,” you answer. “I threw it out. You can use one of mine instead.” 

“You _threw it out?”_ His voice is thin and high-pitched, and he genuinely sounds like he’s on the verge of panic. “What the fuck are you thinking?” 

You glare up at the closed ablution block door in irritation. “I was thinking that it was in worse shape than a pile of regurgitated, fermented mealworm puree that was subsequently trampled by an entire herd of behemoths. Why do you even care? You’ve got a dozen others just like it at your hive.” 

“But – but – but this is _your shirt!”_ he exclaims in distress. “I can’t wear this it has your _sign_ on it!” 

“So fucking what?” you demand in astonishment. You cannot believe he’s going to make a federal fucking issue out of _this,_ of all things. “It’s just a shirt! Who gives a fuck? It’s not like you’re going to forget who you are because you aren’t wearing your sign for a day. Turn it inside out if you don’t like it!” 

“That doesn’t help!” he wails. “I’ll still know it’s there I can feel it when it’s inside-out like that!” 

He’s doing that thing he does where he strings two sentences together without a break. He only does it when he’s at his most worked-up. You throw your hands up in complete exasperation. “I give up. I just give the fuck up. You’re a basket case, you know that? I don’t even pretend to comprehend what kind of paranoid drama is happening inside of your fucked up mutant brain right now, but would you just flush it out your protein chute already? Quit acting like a looneyblock spazz queen and get dressed!” 

“Fuck you KK you don’t know _anything_!” he yells back. 

You roll your eyes in disgust and stomp away from the stairs. A minute later, you hear the trap running again. You just shake your head as you pace restlessly around the perimeter of the block. You don’t know what his deal is right now, and your ability to care is wearing perilously thin. You spent all day trying to keep up with his emotional theatrics, and what did you get for it? You are still smarting from the revelation that he apparently remembers the entire Vriska mind-control episode. What really gets to you isn’t that he kept the truth from you; sure, that stings, but you of all people understand that sometimes a guy has his reasons for keeping a secret. No, what really gets to you is that he _told Terezi._ Didn’t just tell her, in fact; he actually _went to her hive to be with her._

You don’t have to be a sponge surgeon to realize that that was his lowest point. His moment of greatest need, and he chose _Terezi_ instead of you. And then they made a pact to keep it from you! The thought of two of your closest friends conspiring together behind your back makes you feel sick. It’s a betrayal the like of which you have never before experienced. 

Tears spring to your eyes. How much duplicity can you be expected to swallow from one guy in a day? 

You dash the red droplets away from your cheek angrily. He could emerge at any moment, and you’ll be damned if you’re going to be red-faced and bleary-eyed with tears when he does. You launch yourself up the stairs two at a time, past the ablution block and into the meal block. There you turn on the faucet and splash cold water on your face. It helps, and you stick your face under the tap and keep it there until you feel the overheated flush leave your skin. 

You turn off the water and stay where you are, eyes closed, hands resting on the edge of the sink, water slowly dripping off of the tip of your sniffnode. Sollux Captor, your best friend. He’s always been a constant in your life; your fellow mutant who suffered side-by-side with you, plagued by misery and self-loathing. You two are in it together; you have never questioned that. But now you are seeing him in a whole new light. Everything you thought you knew about him now seems sinister, subject to suspicion; you are starting to wonder if you ever really knew him at all. 

You open your eyes and stare into the sink, watching the beads of water splash and break apart. They don’t look right. The sink doesn’t look right. _Nothing_ looks right. One of the cornerstones of your life has shifted, and now the whole world feels off-balance, incongruous. You feel like you’re tipping into free fall. You aren’t sure if you even know who _you_ are anymore. 

It is in that moment of supreme uncertainty that a comment Sollux made the previous night comes floating back to you. It was right in the thick of things, just before he flipped his shit and went caliginously crazy on you. It slipped right by you in the heat of the moment, but now you are examining it in cold clarity, and it makes the blood pusher freeze in your chest. He said that you almost managed to silence the voices in his head – right up until you interrupted the mating ritual. 

You still, aghast. Is _that_ what this is about? 

No. He wouldn’t. 

Would he? 

A day ago, you would have never considered it; but now, nothing seems out of the question. And it all adds up to make a horrible kind of sense. The reason why he came to you instead of Aradia; the singlemindedness with which he pursued his goal; the way he navigated the issue of your blood color and ultimately used it to his advantage; could all of his tactics have been premeditated? 

Aradia’s the matesprit. So what does that make you? The chump? 

And that’s when you see it. The last piece of the puzzle, the lingering cognitive dissonance that has been slowly working its way to the fore of your sponge since last night. In your mind’s eye, you see a vivid flash of twin laser beams slicing through your hive walls. Sollux can do _that_ with out even breaking a sweat. How the fuck did you ever beat him in a mating fight? 

You are starting to feel like you may have been hornswoggled. 

You bare your teeth as the weight of the realization breaks over you. He threw the fight; it’s the only explanation. The truth is that he could have wiped the floor with your ugly face anytime he wanted. 

Suddenly you realize how ludicrous it was to think you could ever take him in a fight, mating or otherwise. This is a guy who can fly a quarter turn around Alternia in half an hour! What a fool you were, smugly congratulating yourself on hornlocking him, thinking you had taken him down through superior size and tactical skills. It must have taken every ounce of his self-control to keep a straight face. It was all a lie, a skillfully-executed, manipulative lie. He played you. 

And you _almost went through with it._ What a travesty that would have been! Your first time only happens once, and you came treacherously close to wasting it. You could have woken up this morning to find out that what you had was not a new matespritship, but a horrible misstep that took you far off the path prescribed for you by troll serendipity. 

You are furious. You want to claw his stupid mismatched eyes out. You can’t believe he would try to do that to you. Hell, you can’t believe he would do it to _himself!_ Not to mention Aradia. How could he be so reckless and stupid? 

You snarl. At least you have no more regrets about stopping things the way you did last night. Now you only wish you had done it sooner.


	31. Chapter 31

You stomp downstairs and stand outside the bathing block, stewing in your smoldering fury as you wait for Sollux to emerge. Presently the trap shuts off, and a few minutes later the door opens. Sollux steps out, eyes downcast, shoulders hunched, cheeks flushed bright yellow. He’s holding his shades folded in one hand, and his hair clings to his forehead and the back of his neck in damp strands. He is wearing your shirt inside-out, as you suggested, and he’s clutching a fistful of fabric at his chest where your sign sits unseen.

He doesn’t notice you there right away. He pulls the block door closed quietly behind himself and takes another step forward. Then he catches sight of you and starts, his eyes flying almost comically wide open. He immediately averts his gaze and shrinks back. “Were you standing there the whole time?” he asks in a tiny voice. 

You wrinkle your brow in irritation. “I don't know. A few minutes,” you reply. “Why?” 

“Were you...” He swallows. "Were you listening?" 

"To what?" you demand. 

"Nothing!" He ducks his head and scurries past you, unfolding his shades and shoving them onto his face as he goes. 

You glare daggers at the back of his head as you follow him downstairs. You don’t think he saw the look on your face, which is disappointing. You want him to know how livid you are. 

You catch up to him hovering uncertainly in the middle of your living block. He’s holding onto the shorn bottom half of your Serendipity poster, sliding his prongs along the edges and turning it end over end nervously. It’s the one casualty of the fight that you couldn’t bear to simply throw out. You cross your arms angrily and lean back against the wall. You are trying to pin him with a furious glower, but he is still looking anywhere but at you. “Sorry about this, dude,” he mumbles. “I know it’s pretty much your favorite. I’ll get you a new one.” 

“You’d better,” you reply shortly. 

He runs his prongs through his hair and keeps his hand there, fidgeting nervously with the messy tufts at the back of his neck. His embarrassment and discomfort are palpable things, but you have no desire to set him at ease. “I’m sorry about…well, everything,” he says in a tiny voice. 

“You should be,” you retort. 

He winces. “Well, I am. How is your nose?” 

You give a short bark of laugher. “About how it looks,” you reply sardonically. 

He bites his lip as his eyes flick over you. “Sorry about that. Really. I didn’t mean to hit you that hard.” 

“Actually you did,” you remind him acidly, pushing away from the wall and approaching. “You meant to hit me _exactly_ this hard. But my nose is healing fine, no thanks to you, fuckface. Thank you _so much_ for asking.” 

He flinches back from your accusation. “I didn’t…I didn’t mean to mean to hit you that hard,” he says quietly. 

You snort. “Whatever.” 

He hunches in on himself even further. “How, uh, how about your hive?” he asks awkwardly. “Do the walls look okay?” 

“They’re fine, and you already asked me that,” you remind him sharply. “You’re repeating yourself, fuckass.” 

“Oh, right. Yeah.” He bites his lip, swallows hard and clears his throat. “Then I guess there’s no more reason for me to stay.” 

His tone makes it a question, but you aren’t about to bite. “Guess not,” you agree flatly. 

“Okay. Right. Then I guess I’ll go.” 

“Guess you will,” you reply, keeping your tone pitilessly even. 

“Okay...yeah. Okay.” He turns toward the door and takes a hesitant step. He falters and turns halfway back around, but ultimately changes his mind and keeps scooting forward. You maintain your silence, still burning with self-righteous wrath. You are enjoying watching him squirm. As far as you’re concerned, he’s earned this and ten times more. 

A few steps from the extraterraneal landing slat, he abruptly stops and turns to face you. “KK.” His eyes seek yours out imploringly. “Are we…” He takes a shaky breath. “Are we not friends anymore? Because of things I did?” 

_That_ question. It’s a question you have asked each other so many times over the sweeps that it borders on being a running joke, but he’s not joking now. Despite your wrath, the question manages to pierce through your fury and touch a sympathetic nerve. 

You open your mouth to reply, but for once in your life, no words come out. You don’t have an answer for him. You can’t just give him a glib reassurance or a sarcastic retort the way he does each time you ask him that. Friends? You don’t know _what_ you two are after the events that have transpired in the past day. There have been too many wonderful moments, too many terrible moments. Some of the wonderful moments _were_ the terrible moments. You can’t simply forget it and go back to the way things were. 

At your continued silence, he drops his gaze to his feet. “I get it,” he says softly. “I’ll go.” 

He pads quietly to the door that leads to your extraterraneal landing slat, and you stay where you are. You are completely at a loss. Part of you can’t wait to see the last of him, to just have done with this entire situation and try to forget it ever happened. Part of you despises him and never wants to deal with a single shred of Captor drama for the rest of your life. But a different part of you would be achingly disappointed if he left before you could…

Could what? Talk to him? Kiss him? Scream at him? Reassure him? Punch him? Hold him? Hornlock him again and say to hell with the consequences and go through with it this time? 

All of those things. You want to do all of those things at the same time. Your think pan is nothing but a muddled, confused mess. 

He stops in front of the door and gazes out the window. “I totally understand why you don’t want to be around me anymore, after the things that happened,” he says solemnly. “I wouldn’t want to be around me, either.” He laughs harshly. “Well, I already don’t want to be around me, eheh. But I especially wouldn’t want to be around me after yesterday.” He reaches out and rests his hand on the doorknob. “So I’ll just…I’ll go, and I won’t bother you again, KK.” He opens the door with a small shake of his head. “You’re better off without me anyway.” 

He steps into the doorway. Then he pauses with one hand on the doorframe and looks back halfway over his shoulder. “You don’t have to be the one who’s there with me when I die, KK. I can do that alone.” He smiles sadly. “Maybe we can change the future after all.” 

For a split second, you don’t move. You are caught between heartbreak and rage, unable to tell whether that was genuine emotion on his part or a melodramatic monologue specifically targeted at manipulating you. It’s the way he stands there for just a moment too long, just enough time to give you an opportunity to stop him, that makes you fall on the side of fury. 

“Don’t you fucking dare!” you snarl. You cross the room and grab his upper arm, yanking him bodily back into your block. “You really would do that, wouldn’t you? You would just make your grand dramatic gesture and then fly out of my block and right out of my life! Wouldn’t you, you piece of shit!” 

He’s staring at you with wide, startled eyes. "What?" 

“Well fuck you!” you shout. “You do not get to just waltz in here and toy with me and make a huge dramatic mess out of everything, and then fly off and leave this huge festering clusterfuck behind you like last perigee’s fermented waste chute drippings for me to deal with alone! No!” You jab the prong of your free hand into his shoulder with enough force to make him stagger back a step, and repeat the gesture for every point you make. “You’re stuck with me, and you’re stuck with this situation, and you’re stuck with the mess you made and you’re going to _fucking deal with it!”_

By the end of it you are so enraged that you grab him and shake him by both shoulders. He flops bonelessly in your grip, not fighting you at all; he just stands there and lets you do what you want. By the time you stop, his shades have been shaken halfway off his face. They rest askew, showing most of his red eye over the lens. He looks away, refusing to meet your gaze. 

You are still livid and nowhere near through with him. “I can’t believe you,” you snarl. “You’re the worst fucking friend in the world.” 

“Yeah. I know,” he replies, eyes downcast. 

“I’m serious. You’re garbage!” 

“I know.” 

“I fucking hate you!” 

“You should.” 

“I’m so mad I’d hit you if you didn’t already fucking look like something my lusus dragged in!” 

Now he meets your gaze. “You can hit me if you want to,” he says dully. “I would.” 

“Ugh!” You splutter in frustration for a moment before you drop him in disgust and step back. This is getting you nowhere. Trying to make Sollux understand what a tool he’s being when he’s feeling down about himself is like trying to drown a lake with a river. He just feeds off of it. 

Instead, you stomp to your extraterraneal landing slat and yank the door closed with a resounding slam. 


	32. Chapter 32

You turn to face Sollux, eyes narrowed. He is standing where you left him, prongs laced, shades back in place, watching you uncertainly.

“Well?” you prompt. “I think it’s about time for some fucking answers, don’t you?” You snort. “Actually it’s way past time, but hey! Better late than never, right?” You stamp closer and plant your feet firmly in front of him, crossing your arms over your chest. “Why don’t you start by telling me if there’s any part of the past day that wasn’t complete bullshit,” you suggest with deceptive mildness. 

His brow furrows. “What?” 

“Don’t fuck around!” you bark, your sudden fury making him jump. “I’ve had it with your manipulative bullshit! Just tell me why you came here yesterday. Why are you here, and what are you really trying to accomplish?” You lean forward, and he steps back. “And the truth! No more fake lies.” 

“What are you trying to ask me, KK?” You would buy his expression as genuine confusion if he hadn’t been running a game on you so successfully up to this point. 

“I’m asking you if anything that happened yesterday was real, shitsponge,” you snap. “Do you even have any flushed feelings for me at all? Or was it all just an elaborate set-up to get me to do what you wanted?” 

“What?” he exclaims, his jaw dropping in astonishment. “KK, what the actual fuck are you talking about?” 

“Don’t act like you don’t know!” you shout, advancing on him. “You said it! You said that I almost drowned out your voices for a minute! Did you even want to be with me at all, or was that just the easiest way to shut them up?” 

Understanding dawns on his features, and he gives you an incredulous look. “You have to be kidding me. That’s not what that was!” 

“Bullshit,” you exclaim. “I bet you expected me to be a complete tool and play right into your hands, didn’t you?” You adopt a mocking tone, exaggerating his lisp. “ ‘Oh, Karkat? That idiot’s too stupid to figure out what’s going on. I, Sollux Captor, know how to get him to do _exactly_ what I want. He likes me, and we all know that nobody likes Karkat because he’s a fucking worthless loser whose only talents are yelling and making a huge ass out of himself. He’ll jump on the chance like a fucking wiggler on a freshly cracked grubhill!’ ” 

“It wasn’t like that!” he yells indignantly, stumbling backwards as he tries to stay out of your way. 

You plow forward relentlessly. “ ‘All I have to do is figure out some slick way to see Karkat’s blood, then that excuse will be out of the way and he’ll have no reason to balk.’ The perfect plan!” 

“What?” His eyes are wide with dismay. “That is not true, that was so not planned out to happen!” 

“And the worst fucking part is that you were mostly fucking right!” By now you are shouting at the top of your lungs, shaking with anger. You have him backed into a corner, and you slam your palm into the wall next to him so that he can’t duck away. “I completely believed it like a fucking idiot when you said it was your first time, I thought you were really into my mutant blood even – “

“I was! Damn it, KK – “ 

“I mean ha fucking ha, what a huge funny joke that is!” you roar, barreling over him with sheer volume. “Like there’s any way that could have been true! The only problem is that I really _am_ a desperate chump like you were counting on, and I really _did_ lose my shit over the thought that there was someone who could actually enjoy my freak colors. What a world-class fucking idiot I am! But _you_ — ” You lean in, and he flattens himself against the wall, his eyes so wide that you can see them all around the shades. “You’re fucking _trash!”_ you snarl. “I can’t believe how fucking low you are that you would use _that_ to play me!” 

“Stop it, stop – “ Sollux’s breath catches, and the words die on his lips. His eyes go unfocused and he shudders, his jaw hanging slack. 

Then he crumples. He hunches his shoulders and ducks his head, bringing his hands up to his face; not quite touching it, but just hovering there, prongs spread, a flimsy shield separating you from him. He presses his side against the wall, curling halfway into a crouch as he puts as much distance as possible between the two of you in the tiny amount of space you have left him. He is trembling so hard that the corner of his glasses rattles against the wall. He starts breathing again; short, shallow gasps that are getting more and more rapid. 

Then come tears. 

You jerk back immediately and stare at him in dumbfounded astonishment. As soon as your arm is no longer blocking the way, he lurches forward and stumbles along the wall away from you. He stops with his forehead and shoulders pressed against it, gasping desperately for air in between shallow, whimpering sobs. “None of that - is how - it was!” he manages as he tries fruitlessly to catch his breath. 

You look on in dismay. There’s nothing fake about _that._ That is a completely genuine panic attack. And you caused it. 

In an instant, all of your anger towards him evaporates and is replaced by fury and disgust at yourself. It dawns on you that it was less than _two hours ago_ that he was lying practically catatonic on your hive floor while you were going out of your sponge trying to figure out how to bring him back. Of _course_ he’s fragile right now. To not realize that reaches a staggeringly impressive pinnacle of abject stupidity, even for you. What were you thinking? 

You _weren’t_ thinking, that’s what. You were too busy being a loudmouthed idiot for that. In fact, you were doing exactly what Terezi expressly warned you not to do: shouting at him at the top of your lungs and refusing to listen to anything he said in return. 

Boy, did she ever have you pegged. It’s practically your signature: shout first, think later, listen _never._ And what a perfect shitstorm you have created this time. 

“Shit. Sollux – “ You step forward and reach out to touch his shoulder. “I didn’t mean – “ 

“Get away from me!” He whirls, slaps at your hand and recoils. He leaps away from you, actually _leaps away from you_ like he’s genuinely afraid. Of _you._

Your blood pusher turns to lead in your chest and crashes through the floor. You have never loathed yourself so much as you do in this moment. 

He trips over your chair in his haste to get away and has to grab the edge of your computer station for balance. There, he spins and stares at you, wild-eyed and trembling, his teeth bared defensively and his nostrils flared. Everything in his posture says he is poised for flight if you move one step closer. 

“Who’s playing with who, huh?” he hisses, breathing heavily with panic and anger. “First you were interested – and you can’t put that all on me, you were there too! And then you left me hanging at literally the last possible second in the worst way imaginable!” He edges around your computer station, putting its bulk between the two of you. “And then you force me to wear your sign _anyway?”_ His tone is incredulous as he clutches at his chest, pulling your symbol away from his skin. “That – that’s just – that’s fucking cruel, is what that is!” he exclaims. “You woke me up when all I want to do was sleep just so you could yell at me – and _then,_ after all that, you make me stay here when I try to leave! Why?” His eyes pierce through you accusingly. “So that you could scream in my face like that? And now suddenly you’re being _nice_ again? What the fuck!” He pauses to suck in air. “I’ll leave if you want, if you don’t want to deal with me. Just fucking say so! But don’t fucking yell at me like that anymore! _Ever!”_

“Fuck, I won’t, I won’t! God, I am such an idiot!” The last dregs of your outrage over the manipulation you supposedly suffered at his hands over the past day were pulverized into dust somewhere in the middle of hearing your own actions stated back to you. “God, you’re right,” you admit, squeezing your eyes shut. “It all sounds really fucking bad when you put it that way!” Except for the bit about wearing your shirt. You are perplexed as to why he included that in the middle of his string of otherwise very legitimate complaints. But the rest of it – you are horrified by the net result of the string of errors you have perpetuated over the past day. You may not have had ill intentions, but that doesn’t change how disastrously things played out. 

You edge closer to him. He snarls, and you immediately freeze and hold up your hands in surrender. “Okay okay, I fucked up! I don’t even have words for how big a sack of shame globes I am or how terrible my knucklesponged jackassery has been. I’m fucking awful in every way imaginable, okay? I know it. I’m the absolute fucking worst!” 

He dismisses your fumbling attempt at an apology with a disgusted flick of his fingers and turns away from you, hugging himself. He’s still crying, and you feel every tear like a sickle through your gut. You want to run to his side, to comfort him, but you don’t dare risk spooking him. He could literally fly out of your hive in an instant. 

You settle for creeping towards him incrementally. You talk as you approach, not wanting to startle him by suddenly appearing in his personal space. “I’m a complete fucking idiot. I really am. God, even I can’t believe what a terrible person I am sometimes.” You hold your hands in front of you placatingly, even though he is not looking your way. “Just stay there, okay? Don’t go flying out of my hive or anything. I’m…I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I’m such a piss poor excuse for a best friend.” 

You are finally within arm’s reach of him. You dare to reach out and touch his shoulder.


	33. Chapter 33

He starts and pulls away, and you instinctively grab his upper arm. He cries out and whirls, and for an instant he fights you, shoving at you and slapping your hands away; then, suddenly, he is clinging to you desperately. You wrap your arms around his waist and hold him in a vice grip, awash with relief that you managed to catch him. 

“KK, I don’t know what to say to you!” he manages in between hitching sobs, burying his face against your shoulder. “I didn’t plan anything out to happen! It wasn’t all deliberate like you’re making it out to be. I mean, I had no idea what color your blood would turn out to be! How could I have planned to use that on purpose?” 

Your eyes widen as you realize the truth of that statement, and your lips twist in chagrin. “Fuck. You’re right.” Your accusations weren’t as well thought out as you convinced yourself they were. 

“I just – I kept having all these awful visions full of terrible stuff, and – “ He shudders against you. “And I kept seeing myself dying, over and over again, and the voices were so loud I couldn’t even hear myself think, and then it finally stopped, and I – I just needed to see you!” He squeezes two fistfuls of your shirt between his prongs and presses close against you, his glasses digging into the base of your neck. “I don’t know why! Okay? I just didn’t want to be alone and not knowing who I was and listening to the end of the world anymore! Is that so wrong?” 

“No,” you say quietly. “No, it’s not. I’m the one who’s wrong.” 

“I just wanted to be with you,” he says, his words muffled but plaintive. “I don’t understand why that‘s evil.” 

“It’s not. Damn it, it’s not.” You kick yourself silently. How did you get things so twisted up in your pan that you were furious over receiving his flushed advances? That’s a high compliment; only you could manage to get so carried away in paranoia and stupidity that you started to view it as an affront. “It’s…really fucking flattering, actually,” you admit. You can’t believe how much of an idiot you were a scant few minutes ago. You wish, as you have many times before, that there were some way you could reach back into the past and warn past you that he was on the verge of making a huge mistake. And maybe chew past you out a little bit for his lamentable foolishness while you were at it; he certainly deserves it. Too bad that’s impossible. 

“It was stupid,” says Sollux in a hushed tone. “Stupid and selfish. I shouldn’t have come.” 

“No!” you insist quickly. “It wasn’t. I’m glad you came. I wish I was less of a shithead about it.” You adjust your grip on him, leaving one hand in the small of his back and bringing the other up to run your prongs reassuringly through his hair. As you do, a wave of disorientation washes over you; you’ve seen this in movies all your life, trolls having fights and making up and comforting each other, but this time – for the first time – it’s _you._ You have stepped into the romcom. For a moment, you have the dizzying sensation of watching yourself from the vantage point of someone else; then the disconcerting feeling passes and it’s just you and Sollux. 

You close your eyes and bury your nose in his hair. He smells of damp troll and your shampoo, and you find yourself hoping that this moment will last. You think you could probably get used to this whole physical contact thing. Is it wrong that you are really enjoying this? 

“Sollux,” you murmur against his pan. 

“Hmm?” 

“Are we not friends anymore because of things I said?” 

That question makes him giggle through his tears, and you feel the tension abruptly drain out of him. “You idiot,” he says, letting go of your shirt to thump your chest playfully with one hand. “You ask me that literally every time! You are one moronic grubfucker, KK,” 

“Yeah? Well, fuck you,” you retort softly into his hair. 

“Asshole.” 

“Nookbiter.” 

“Globesucker.” 

“Shitpirate.” 

“Fuckass.” 

Silence descends, and you hold Sollux while the last of his tears dry up and his breathing slowly returns to normal. This time around, you caught the real answers to some of the questions that have been plaguing you. Sollux is just as lost and confused in this situation as you are, if not more. There was no calculated flushed manipulation, no deliberate black intimidation; just Sollux reaching out blindly, desperate to escape what his brain was doing to him. That’s why the events of yesterday felt so crazed and disjointed – because they actually were. Just the result of Sollux flailing wildly. 

It’s amazing what you can learn when you actually listen. 

And you, you didn’t exactly help matters. There were so many indications that something was not right with him, but did you pay attention? No, of course you didn’t, because that would have been the smart thing to do, and you’re a fucking idiot who never misses a chance to shoot himself in the hoof. You could have taken control of the situation and put the brakes on things at any time, but all you did was lag behind and react blindly to each new thing he threw at you. 

You mentally hang your head. Some great leader you are. 

Well, that ends now. You may have been a terrible excuse for a friend to him up until this point, but you resolve here and now to make sure that that doesn’t keep happening. You are determined to get your best bro’s shit sorted out before he leaves your hive, no matter what it takes. 

Sollux is finally calm. He straightens, and you reluctantly let him pull away. You are left feeling achingly empty as he uses the corner of his shirt to clean the tears from his shades. 

“Did you say you were having visions that whole time?” you ask him quietly. He eyes you diffidently. “Well…basically,” he says. “But there were voices, too. I think sometimes the visions stopped and there were just voices?” He hesitates. “I’m not completely sure. I think I…I don’t know, sort of…got lost for awhile.” 

You wince. “And that went on for three days solid, huh.” 

He blinks at you dully. “I don’t know,” he replies. “Was it three?” 

“Fuck.” You bury your face in your hands. “I feel like such a fucking jackass now for all those messages I left giving you crap for ignoring me.” 

“No, I liked those,” he says, startling you. “When I read those, I could remember who I was.” He chuckles as he returns his shades to their perch on his nose. “Eheheheheh, after all, nothing is more normal and mundane than getting harassed by you!” 

“Shit,” you reply, feeling your cheeks redden. “That’s probably true. God damn it.” Another thought occurs to you, and your eyes widen. “Hey, how’s your hive doing?” 

“Eheh. You could say it’s going to need some work when I get back,” he replies darkly. 

“How much work?” you ask. 

“More than yours did,” he replies shortly, his tone a clear indicator that this particular topic is closed. 

Your digestive sac is making its presence known, reminding you with sharp twinges of pain that you haven’t had a meal in over a day. You realize that for Sollux, it may have been _four_ days. “Have you eaten anything?” you ask. 

“Yeah,” he replies sourly. “A delicious helping of toxic green slime that some asswipe forced down my meal tunnel.” 

“Ha ha, very funny,” you retort. “There were extenuating circumstances for that and you fucking know it. When was the last time you ate solid food? You must be starving.” 

As if on cue, Sollux’s digestive sac rumbles so loudly that both of you can hear it clearly. He giggles in embarrassment and licks his lips. “Now that you mention it…yeah, apparently,” he answers. 

You nod, then jerk your head for him to follow you as you start up the stairs to your mealblock.


End file.
